Page 44 of Just A Little Joy
“I was hoping we could have some clear structure between us,” he said.
I studied Travis’s face. He looked sincere and open. As much as I tried to be optimistic for other people, I couldn’t keep the same energy for myself. I always assumed the worst was coming, and this felt no different.
Maybe that was why he’d wanted to go to the other side of town instead of our usual spots. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d give bad news in public just to avoid a scene, but my brain wasn’t exactly helping. He’d said he needed to run errands. That was all.
I told myself not to read into it, but part of me still worried he was buying time to rethink all of this.
I took myself firmly in hand and gave a mental shake. I told myself I wasn’t going to borrow trouble this time. I’d hear him out before jumping to conclusions. It took effort, but I sat on my hands, nodded for him to keep going, and waited.
He took a slow breath and said, “I’d like for us to keep exploring the Daddy-boy dynamic.”
Oh. That wasn’t what I thought he was going to say.
“I want us to keep doing what I hope we’re going to do this afternoon, and I don’t want us doing it with anyone else.”
He wasn’t asking me to stay forever. He wasn’t asking me to be his boyfriend. He wasn’t even asking me to be his permanent boy. He was asking for temporary exclusivity. And I didn’t know what to think about that yet, so I stayed quiet and gave myself a moment to think about it.
I wasn’t itchy or even twitchy at the idea. Normally, whenever the suggestion was made to settle in and put down some roots, I immediately needed to move. My skin got tingly. My feet wanted to move. But there was…nothing? Yeah, nothing. I felt fine.
Feeling calm instead of cornered felt new, like a door I usually kept locked had been nudged open.
That was strange. It was different. Kinda weird for me, but it was all right. Every instinct screamed for me to accept the chance to have that one-on-one Daddy experience I’d wanted since I had discovered I enjoyed being little.
“Yeah?” Daddy confirmed with a wide smile.
His light-brown eyes sparkled like a flame dancing from a candle. I liked how Daddy wasn’t afraid to show his emotions. If he was interested, happy, or excited. He didn’t make me guess what he was thinking or how he felt about something.
“Well, now I don’t know what to say.” I lifted my shoulders kinda awkwardly, but it was the truth. What did we do now?
“The Daddies hammered into my head that safewords matter. Do you have one?”
I gulped down the coffee I’d just drank and nodded my head. “Yeah, it’s watermelon. Cool with that?”
“It’s fine, but out of curiosity, why watermelon?”
“Because I hate it.”
Daddy gasped in pretend horror at my revelation. “What kind of person hates watermelon? It’s sweet and juicy and delicious. It’s the best summertime treat.”
“And gross. You forgot a part…it tastes like crunchy water.”
Our pseudo argument was interrupted by the server with our brunch. The steaming plates stopped both of us in our tracks. The biscuits smelled delicious, and we both stared at the size of them.
“Here you go and enjoy.” After promising a refill for our coffees, the server silently slipped away and we returned to our private world.
“Safewords, check,” Daddy said with a wave of his fork.
Then, because he saw me eyeing his plate, he loaded up his fork and reached across the table to feed me a bite. When he used his thumb to catch some stray gravy and then feed that to me too, my stomach flip-flopped like I’d taken that first drop on a roller coaster.
They’ve always been my fav.
“Whoop, whoop. Okay, we’ve got that done. Anything else we need to check in on?” I asked. It was hard to focus on anything when my food tasted that good. “Do you wanna try a bite, Daddy?”
He gave a small nod eagerly, and like he’d done with me, I fed him off my fork. “Open up for the choo-choo train.” I felt a little silly feeding my Daddy, but his eyes lit up when I offered, and I think he liked the role reversal for a second.
It had never been on my must-have list that my Daddy actively played with me, but now that I’d seen what it could feel like, I couldn’t imagine not having it. I didn’t want a Daddy who only watched me play. I wanted one who got down and played with me. He didn’t need to pretend, but I loved how secure and grounded it made me feel when he joined me in the silliness, even if it was just sharing bites off a fork.
“Maybe we lay down some…let’s call them agreements,” Daddy said with a wave of his fork and another offered bite, which I happily accepted. I tried to give him one of mine, but he shook his head.