Page 64 of Just A Little Joy
“He does, but it’s never a sleek, fancy bar or even close to a club. It’s a neighborhood bar where they make enough to survive, but nobody’s getting rich off it.”
“Fair enough, but I still think it was sweet of you.”
“I’m glad you approve because I definitely want my new boyfriend to be happy with me.”
“Is that what you want or just what you told Maddie so she wouldn’t pester you about it?” I looked out on the gray waves with tiny white caps. My muscles felt twitchy and tingly.
It made no sense as to why his answer mattered so much. Daddy had certainly always been really clear that he was interested in me. But claiming me in a club and claiming me on the street were worlds away from each other. Holding my hand on the street, where there was absolutely no guarantee of beingrecognized, and posting a picture of me on his social network with a clear understanding that we were together was an apples-and-oranges difference. He’d done it without even thinking about it, and it scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
Ready or not, it was a hard launch.
Thinking about whatever was happening on his powered-down phone also scared me, so it was easier to go back to talking about Maddie and hockey and picking up seashells on a freezing beach in the middle of winter.
“Bub, maybe next time we go looking for stuff on the beach, it could be summer. What do you think?”
“I gotta say, Daddy, for someone who spent so much time on the ice, is from Canada, and lives in the Pacific Northwest, you sure don’t seem to like the cold.” I said it all sassy so he’d get the joke.
Now that the words were out of my mouth, there was no way I was admitting my fingers felt closer to shards of ice than anything useful. But the beach had been my idea, so I was gonna see it through, come hell or high water.
“I like the cold. I just like the cold when it’s not windy on top of it.”
“Is this one of those dry heat analogies? My mom’s from Arizona, and she swears that in the shade one hundred and five isn’t really that hot.”
“Do you believe her?”
“No, I think she’s full of shit, but she’s my mom, so I’m not gonna tell her that.”
Travis gave me the laugh I was hoping for and dumped his latest finds in the bag with mine. He looked at it, almost a quarter full now, and gave me a speculative look.
“What’re you gonna do with all this stuff?”
“If I tell you, you have to promise not to laugh.” I said it mostly to soothe my own nerves about admitting something I wasn’t sure anyone else actually knew.
“Scouts honor, cross my heart, hope to die.”
“Stick a needle in your eye?”
“Christ, I hope not, that sounds awful, but if that’s what it takes, then it’s a sacrifice I’ll make for you,” Daddy said solemnly, but he ruined it with a wide grin.
“No eye needles are required because oh my god that’s painful and weird and creepy and sounds like something from a horror movie.” My voice trailed off as I got distracted, imagining the gory nonsense.
“Earth to Casey, earth to Casey.”
“Oh, sorry. I’m gonna put it on my manifestation mantel.” I said it in a rush so I wouldn’t chicken out and keep it to myself. It’s silly, and I know it, but I started doing it back in high school, and I’ve added to it in every place I’ve lived. I travel light, but I always take my mantel pieces.
“Sorry, babe, I’m gonna need a little more than that to understand it.”
“Back in school, whenever I wanted something, I’d gather little pieces that represented the bigger thing. If I needed to pass my math test, I’d put a sheet of my homework up there and a little trophy or a ceramic apple I swiped from my mom’s china cabinet or whatever. Anything that helped me manifest it.”
“So you want to manifest yourself going to the beach?”
“No, silly. I want to manifest my one-day pie-in-the-sky plan.” Now that I’d said it, the words were out there.
The next question was obvious, and it felt awkward after the talk we’d had earlier about his plans for the bar. I should’ve kept my mouth shut and made up a story, except I hated lying, and I didn’t want to lie to Daddy.
“So what does that look like?”
“A food truck.”