Page 40 of Just A Little Joy

“What should we do first?” I asked.

“Since the line isn’t too long, do you think it’d be okay if we saw Santa?” Casey sounded unsure of himself, like he thought I might find it silly. That was absurd. I was a Daddy. I wanted to find all the silliness and hand it to him on a silver platter.

“It’s always the right time to see Santa,” I said.

We made our way to the line and waited for our turn. Before long, we were at the front. Santa beckoned us over. Casey looked at me, and I encouraged him with a quick nod. Santa gave him a warm smile.

“Ho, ho, ho, I always like it when the big kids come visit me,” Santa said with a wide smile. “Christmas is for everyone.”

“We were just being silly,” Casey deflected.

“The world needs a little silly. What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”

“I don’t think it’ll fit in your sack, Santa, so I guess I’ll ask for some LEGO instead.”

I wasn’t sure if Casey wanted me to hear what he told Santa, so I pretended to study the Christmas tree. When he shot me a quick look, I knew he didn’t want me listening, but it was hard to tune him out with him right there.

“If I’m gonna dream big, then I’m gonna ask for a food truck.”

“Well, son, you’re right about that not fitting in my sack, but I can talk to the elves and see what we can do,” Santa said with a conspiratorial wink. Then he turned to me. “And what can Santa bring you?”

I thought for a moment. “I think I’ve got everything I want right in front of me. If you could use your magic on my friend’s wish, that’d be all right with me.”

“Well,” Santa said, “I’m not sure I can do his wish, but I’m sure gonna try.”

“Thank you, Santa,” Casey said sweetly.

“Gentlemen, would you like your picture taken with Santa before you go?” one of the elves asked.

“Yes, please,” I said before Casey could even think about saying no.

Santa beckoned us back over, and we stood on either side of him. Seeing the happiness on Casey’s face settled something in me. He was the boy I wanted to explore this with. Watching the wonder on his face as we drove through the lights and seeing how excited he was to visit Santa warmed parts of me I’d never felt before.

Dating someone was one thing. Being the one who got to cuddle them, protect them, and take care of them was something completely different. It made me want to be the best version of myself. Maybe that was something I hadn’t given in my marriage. That ship had sailed, and it was for the best, but a small part of me still wondered. If I’d recognized this need in myself earlier, would the marriage have survived, or would it have ended the same way?

I was so lost in my head that I didn’t hear what Casey said as we stepped away from the Santa area.

“Daddy?” Casey whispered.

Dammit. Whatever he’d said, I’d missed it completely. I forced myself to stop drifting into thoughts that didn’t matter tonight and focus on the boy in front of me, who mattered a hell of a lot more than my navel gazing.

“I’m sorry, but I missed that last part. What did you say?”

“I asked if you wanted to go make some arts and crafts with me. Do you?”

“Only if I can get a hot chocolate to drink while we do it.” Casey giggled and nodded. “Well then, I’m all in.”

Casey grabbed my hand and led me through the barn to the hot cocoa section, where he ordered for both of us, making sure that there was plenty of whipped cream, sprinkles, and marshmallows. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was way too sweet for me because he sounded so proud when he ordered for both of us, so I just smiled and kept my grimace over the sweetness to myself.

When we made our way over to the arts and crafts section, there was a little table off to the corner that afforded us some privacy while we worked on our masterpieces. We both seemed to have the same idea as to how we should make our frames. They were decorated with presents, snowflakes, snowpeople, and every other winter holiday motif we could find on the table. By the time they were done, it looked like a toy store explosion had attached itself to our frames, but I still liked it.

I held mine up so Casey could critique it for me. “What do you think?” Casey studied it with all the attention he could muster. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was about to launch into a university critique on its artistic merit.

“I think it’s the bestest one here,” Casey offered.

“Well, that’s not possible because yours is the best one here, but I’m happy to take second place.” I pulled out our Santa photos and attached one to each of the frames.

“Perfect. This is gonna look so good on my fridge.”