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FORTY-SIX

FARRON

CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGEEES

Day 547

“Hey, Pa,” I greet him as I walk into the kitchen. The guys said they needed to chat with Pa today but wouldn’t divulge any details. They left the cottage a while ago, so I figure it’s safe enough for me to interrupt. His back is to me as he gets a second pot of coffee going today, and I look at the other three, whose faces are suspiciously blank right now. What the hell were they talking about?

“Alrighty, well, we’re off.” Adrain says and before I can protest, they slip out the door.

“What’s going on, Pa?” I ask.

“They’re working on something right now, they’re fine.”

“Working on something? What could they possibly be working on?” I ask him, perplexed. It’s not like I track every single one of their movements, but for the most part, I always know where the guys are and what they’re up to. It’s suspicious that they’ve just disappeared like that. While my mind has been examining how odd the situation is, Pa has finished brewing the coffee. He places a mug into my hands, made just how I like, and nods towards the island's stools.

“Sit,” he says. His voice is gruff, and my brows furrow, wondering what the hell is going on. Pa never takes this sort of tone with me , and the fact that he is seems like a bad sign of where this conversation is headed. But I do as he asks, and take a seat facing him.

For a moment, we just stare at each other, and I can tell Pa is taking in my features. I don’t know if he’s waiting for me to speak first—I feel like a child who got caught doing something bad, like he’s staying silent until I just can’t hold it in anymore and confess to a crime. But, there is no crime. At least, I’m pretty sure there isn’t.

Finally, he moves, taking a sip of his coffee and then heaving out a big sigh right after. Pa purses his lips and speaks. “It’s time for you to move back into the main house, Farron,” he says. He pauses right after to take in my reaction, and I know he’s expecting me to fight back the way I always have whenever he or Ma brought it up.

But I decide not to give him one, instead asking, “Why do you say that?”

“Because it’s about damn time, that’s why.” His words land with a thud, heavier than I expected, and I clutch the mug in my hands tighter. “You shouldn’t be in that little cottage all by yourself anymore, Farron. Hell, it’s barely big enough for just you, let alone you and those three men of yours.”

I almost choke on my coffee. “Pa?—”

He holds up a hand, silencing me with a look. “Don’t ‘Pa’ me. I’m serious. I let you stay out there all this time because I thought maybe it was what you needed—space, time. But all you were doing was punishing yourself. Hiding. And you’re not doing that anymore. Not with the people around you, and not in that cottage.”

The bluntness of his words makes my chest ache. I set the mug down on the counter, afraid my trembling hands might spill it. “I wasn’t punishing myself,” I argue weakly, even though I know it’s a lie.

Pa doesn’t let up. “The hell you haven’t been. You don’t think I see it? You’ve carried yourself like some sort of statue, trying to make yourself impenetrable and unfeeling ever since you made it back. You think this is what your parents would have wanted for you? You belong in the place where your parents raised you and your brother—in your own damn house, Farron.”

Tears blur my vision, but I blink them away quickly. I don’t want to cry, not now. “It doesn’t feel like mine anymore,” I admit quietly, the words slipping out before I even have a chance to stop them. “It feels hollow without Mom and Dad, without Holden. Hollower still without Ma.”

He nods, his own eyes misting over as he looks at me. “I know, kid. God, do I know. There’s not a day that goes by I don’t feel the same thing. I miss your mom and your grandmother more than words can explain. Every time I walk through that front door, it feels like she should be there, hollering at me to wipe my boots or asking if I want a slice of pie. And every time she’s not, it damn near kills me…” Pa admits, getting up and rounding the island. His boots are heavy on the hardwood floor as he approaches me and places a hand against my shoulder.

“But that emptiness isn’t going to go away if you try to run or hide from it. And you have a real chance to be happy with these men. Don’t throw that away. Move back into the damn house, fill it with new memories,” he says, punctuating his words with a gentle squeeze of my shoulder.

I reach up to cover his hand with my own. His words are bouncing around in my mind, and I stare at a random spot on the kitchen island as I try to wait for my heart rate to slow again and my mind to clear. I know he’s right, that everything he’s saying is true. And haven’t I been telling myself for months now that I deserve to be happy, to push through and let myself enjoy life?

I release a shuddering breath before turning my head slightly to the side to look up at him. “Everything’s been a little fucked up, hasn’t it?” I ask him with a watery laugh.

“That’s life, honey,” he tells me. “Life is fucked up. Not sure the whole zombie thing makes it any easier or better.”

My mind drifts off momentarily, thinking about just how difficult things have been. Even with Trevor being taken care of and the worry about outsiders simmering down, the possibility seems more real to everyone now. It also doesn’t take away the pain people still feel from the loss of their loved ones. I’m worried about Todd constantly, and how he’s dealing with everything. I think he’s avoiding me. I know a thing or two about running away and closing myself off when I’m struggling, so I’ve decided to give him some space for now. But he only has a few more days before I decide enough is enough.

I’m also worried about Daisy. She’s getting closer and closer to popping, and she’s been dealing with so much grief and stress for months. Everything with Trevor a few weeks ago only put more stress on her. It doesn’t help that she’s in the Alden barn, surrounded by people constantly and forced to stay in the room that was her’s and Eric’s for so long.

That’s when the idea hits.

“Pa?” I turn to him, hoping he’ll be open to my suggestion. “I’ll make you a deal.”

His eyes narrow, and he steps back from me to cross his arms, leaning against the counter. “Oh yeah?”

“I’ll move back into the main house if you agree to let the guys and I clean up the cottage a little bit and give it to Daisy so she has her own space for her and the little bean.”

Pa doesn’t say anything to my suggestion. He stands immobile, stiff as a board, his eyes boring into mine. I wonder if I’ve messed up by bringing this up, if it was a mistake to suggest something like this. I’m worrying about how much I’ve messed up when I’m suddenly pulled into a pair of arms, Pa holding me tightly. I can feel him crying against me, and I have no clue what to do.

“I’m sorry, Pa,” I croak out. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just keep thinking that Daze shouldn’t be at the Alden farm with all those people. She and the baby deserve their own space. Something small, something…” My voice catches, and I shrug. “Something good.”

Pa pulls away and stares at me like I’ve grown a second head. Then his expression softens, his lip trembling. “You’re more like your mom and grandma than you realize,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “Always thinking about everyone else first. Damn it, Farron, I couldn’t be prouder of you if I tried.”

His words hit me like a freight train, triggering a release I hadn’t anticipated. So now it’s my turn. The tears spill over, hot and unrelenting, and I bury my face in his shoulder as he holds me again. It’s not that things have been tense or bad between us since Ma’s passing, but we haven’t had a moment like this. Pa’s steady presence surrounding me now makes me feel like I can finally breathe, like maybe everything between us is going to be okay.

The sound of the door opening makes me pull away, hurriedly wiping at my cheeks, but the tears still linger in my eyes. Glancing over my shoulder, I find Theo and Adrian stepping into the kitchen. Both of them stop in their tracks when they see me, their brows furrowing in unison.

“What did we miss?” Adrian asks, his voice tinged with worry as he steps closer. Theo follows right behind him, his hand brushing against my arm in a silent question.

I manage a smile, though my voice wavers as I answer. “It’s nothing. Everything’s fine, I promise. I’ve just been talking to Pa about Daisy. I’ll share the good news with you guys later.”

They exchange a quick glance, clearly unconvinced but willing to let it slide for now. Adrian’s grin starts to return as he shifts gears. “Alright, fair enough. But now it’s our turn to steal you away.”

I blink, tilting my head curiously. “Where have you guys been? And where’s Kenji?”

Theo grins, looking uncharacteristically mischievous, while Adrian’s grin widens into something downright devilish. “You’ll see,” Adrian teases, holding out a hand. “C’mon, Sunshine. We’ve got a surprise for you.”

Before I can protest, Theo takes my other hand, and the two of them are practically dragging me toward the front door. Pa chuckles behind us, waving us off. “You kids have fun. Don’t keep her out too late, now. Or do.” I catch his eyes, and he shoots me a wink, something that reminds me so much of Ma my heart clenches.

The guys lead me outside, their excitement palpable. Theo helps me onto the back of his horse, and I rest my head against his shoulder as we ride. The crisp February air bites at my cheeks as I’m pulled up the familiar path toward the lookout, my eyes taking in the gorgeous sunset. As we crest the hill, my breath catches in my throat. The small clearing is transformed. Strings of fairy lights are wrapped around the trees, casting a soft, golden glow across the snow-dusted ground. A blanket is spread out in the center, topped with a small feast of my favorite foods and a few flickering candles protected by glass jars. A bouquet of wildflowers rests in the middle, vibrant and fresh despite the cold.

Kenji is there, standing by a tree with his hands stuffed in his pockets and a rare, shy smile tugging at his lips. Magnum has left his side to run up to me, tail wagging. Binx is here too, the tiny thing sitting on Kenji’s shoulder, sniffing at his face. Looks like both animals have picked their Daddy over me. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Princess,” he says softly.

“I forgot that was today,” I rasp out, unthinking. I don’t know that I’ve celebrated Valentine’s Day since I was a kid when we used to bring candy into class. It’s not a day that I would have cared for even before the apocalypse, and yet suddenly, I think I might.

Adrian laughs triumphantly, running over to help me, grabbing my hand, and pulling me off Theo’s horse. He leads me a little closer and uses his other arm to gesture dramatically toward the setup. “Ta-da! What do you think?”

Theo stays silent, watching me closely, but his small, pleased smile says enough.

I press a hand to my chest, overwhelmed by the gesture and the love radiating from all three of them. “I…” My voice catches, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat before continuing. “I think it’s perfect. Thank you.”

Kenji kicks off from the tree and starts walking towards me. Binx jumps from his shoulder, landing awkwardly on the ground before she runs to Magnum, claws out and attacking his tail. Kenji steps right in front of me, his arms sliding around my waist. “Good,” he murmurs, his voice low and steady. “Because this is just the start.”