Page 19

NINETEEN

ADRIAN

NUMB

Day 470

The barn is quiet except for the soft sounds of hooves on the dirt floor and the creaking of leather as we untack the horses after making our way back. The earthy smell of hay mixed with the lingering sweat of a day's ride fills the air. Farron moves around EJ, giving him a gentle pat before unbuckling his bridle, her back turned to me as she hums a little tune under her breath.

I lean against the stall door, watching her for a moment. Her Stetson sits crooked on her head, strands of hair escaping from underneath, wild and untamed—just like her spirit today.

It’s how I always want her to feel. Unguarded and happy, willing to be vulnerable and show the soft underbelly she has. She’s safe with the three of us, and I feel grateful that she clearly feels that way.

A playful grin tugs at the corner of my mouth as I move silently across the barn, my boots hardly making a sound on the dirt floor. My Sunshine is completely oblivious, lost in her own world as she strokes EJ’s neck, whispering something softly to him. I creep up behind her and, in one swift motion, pull her into my arms, lifting her right off her feet. Farron lets out a surprised squeal, her Stetson flying off and landing in the straw, forgotten in the moment.

“Adrian!” she yelps, squirming in my arms but laughing all the same. Her laughter echoes through the barn, and the sound of it warms me more than the day’s sun ever could.

I squeeze her tight, spinning her around before setting her down gently. “Caught ya,” I whisper, my lips brushing the top of her messy hair before dropping a kiss on her head. I grin down at her, loving the way she rolls her eyes but can’t quite hide her smile.

“You're impossible,” she mutters, stooping to retrieve her hat, but the smile stays on her face, soft and warm, just like the ones Kenji and Theo wear as they watch us from their horses’ stalls. The two of them exchange glances, a softness in their eyes as they take in Farron’s joy.

“You all done tormenting Farron for the day?” Kenji calls out with a smirk, tossing a saddle over the stall door with his good arm.

“Depends,” I say with a playful shrug, casting a glance at Farron. “What do you think, Sunshine? Ready to call it a day, or do you have more up your sleeve?”

“No, I think I’m officially good for today, Riri,” she responds with a smile before bringing a hand up to flip me off, causing me to grin like a lunatic. We’re staring at each other when Todd runs in, tears streaming down his face.

“Farron, we need your help. Quick!” I release her as she runs out of the barn after him, the three of us in turn following her. He leads her right up towards the cottage door where Jay is, his eyes wide with fear and something else. He opens the front door and tells Farron, “In here.”

We rush inside, and my heart plummets as we reach the living room. Nora lies on the couch, deathly pale, her body still and unresponsive. The rhythmic rattling of her breath sends a chill through me; each inhale is a struggle, her chest heaving as if the weight of the world presses down on her.

Farron drops to the floor beside her, her face a mask of panic as her gaze locks on her grandmother. “What the hell happened?” she grits out, her voice thick with urgency, shaking as her trembling hand reaches for Nora’s wrist to check for a pulse.

Todd, his voice trembling, fills in the gaps, “We were making our way back to my house when we heard noises. Eric was there with Nora, fighting off a small horde—protecting her.” The weight of his words sinks into the room like a stone. “Jay and I jumped in to help, and we took out the zombies, but Nora…she passed out. She was clutching her chest like it was hurting, but there’s no bite we could see…”

Farron’s hands fly over Nora, searching for signs of injury, but find nothing. “She’s all sweaty,” she murmurs, her voice wavering. “You said she was holding her chest like it was hurting, and then she passed out? Was she breathing okay?”

Jay shakes his head, his expression pained. “She looked like she was struggling to breathe, almost like a panic attack. We thought it was just fear until she didn’t come to right away. We brought her here as fast as we could.”

“Is Eric back with Daisy?” Kenji asks, jumping into the conversation. I catch his hands moving, and I realize he must have been translating for Theo this whole time. A flash of guilt hits me that I didn’t even think about Theo once since we ran in here.

Todd and Jay exchange a look that speaks volumes—a shared burden of sorrow. I can feel the knot tightening in my chest as Jay steps closer to Todd, resting a supportive hand on his back. “Eric didn’t make it,” Todd finally whispers, his voice thick with tears.

“He was bitten before we got there,” Jay replies, his voice steady but tinged with anguish. “He begged us to do what we had to before he turned. Asked us to promise we’d look after Daisy.”

Just then, Nora takes another deep, rattling breath. Her eyes flutter open, and she reaches for her chest as if trying to grasp the fading threads of life. Her gaze flits between Farron, me, and back to Farron again. A tear slips down her cheek as her trembling hand rises to cup Farron’s face. It’s a fleeting moment of connection, one last whisper of love before her body betrays her.

“Stay with me, Ma,” Farron pleads, her voice cracking, her heart breaking.

Nora’s eyes close again, and her breathing ceases altogether.

“No!” Farron screams as she checks for a pulse, the rawness of her anguish cutting through me like a knife. “No, no, no!” Tears spill down her face, pooling on the floor as she cries out, “Adrian, help me move her to the floor!”

I spring into action, adrenaline igniting my limbs as we carefully lay Nora on the ground. The moment her body touches the floor, Farron is on her, ripping Nora’s clothes off with desperate urgency, exposing her chest. She begins compressions, pressing down with frantic determination, her sobs punctuating the stillness of the room. A few compressions in, I swear I hear a rib crack. “Come on, come back!”

With every push, my heart races, and I can feel the world fading around me, a surreal detachment settling in. “Fucking come back! It wasn’t your time yet, Ma! You’re not supposed to leave Pa. You’re not supposed to leave me .” Her voice falls hoarse, a chorus of pain as she fights for the woman who helped raise her, who held her hand and her heart for all these years.

Not a single thing happens.

“Just breathe, Ma! Just breathe!” She leans down, blowing air into her grandmother’s mouth once, then twice. Her chest doesn’t move. Nothing changes. The moments stretch into eternity, each second thick with dread. The room feels claustrophobic, closing in on us, the walls pressing tighter as despair wraps around my throat.

I want to scream, to rage against the universe for being so cruel, but instead, I’m paralyzed, my body betraying me. It’s as if I’ve been dipped in ice, my limbs heavy and unresponsive. I should be helping her; I should be fighting alongside her, but all I can do is stand here, an observer of her agony.

A sudden thought pierces through the fog: this is my fault. I wasn’t there for her that afternoon. I promised this morning to help Miss Peaches deliver her baskets, and I broke that promise. The guilt snakes around my heart, squeezing tighter with each desperate cry from Farron.

I should have been there.

I should have protected her.

I watch as Farron drops her head to Nora’s chest, and I can see her shoulders shaking as the dam finally breaks. “You were supposed to stay! You were supposed to be here with me! How could you leave me?!”

Her cries are guttural, primal, a raw wound that echoes through the room, and I feel every bit of her anguish as if it were my own. Some of it is my own. I can’t move; I can’t comfort her. I’m a ghost in this moment, watching the love of my life crumble before me, and all I can do is stand in silence, consumed by the coldness that has wrapped around my heart.

Every time she screams for Nora to come back, I feel it pierce through the numbness, a reminder of all I’ve lost. I see the pieces of her falling apart, like shattered glass, and it’s agonizing to watch. Miss Peaches was so strong, so full of life, and now she’s gone, and I can’t do a damn thing to save her. I can’t do a thing to save Farron from this pain either.

“Farron,” I hear Kenji whisper as he steps up and crouches down next to her, his right hand brushing through her hair.

She looks up at him, her eyes wild and unfocused, the depth of her grief reflected in her tear-streaked face. “Kenji, please! You have to help me!”

“Farron, she’s gone,” Kenji says, pulling her into his arms. “I’m so sorry, Princess. There’s nothing we can do.”

“No!” she screams, her head turning and her eyes frantically moving through the room until they land on me. “Adrian! Adrian, please ,” she sobs out.

It’s a plea I want to answer, but all I can do is watch as she collapses in on herself, her hands curling into fists against Kenji’s chest, trembling as sobs wrack her body. I feel the numbness creeping deeper, pulling me further away from reality, a blanket of despair that numbs not just my body but my soul.

“I can’t lose you too,” she cries, her voice cracking, and my heart splinters at her words. I want to scream that she won’t lose me, that I’ll always be here for her, but the truth is that I’m drowning right now, and I don’t know if I can hold onto her in this dark abyss.

Kenji looks up at me, and even though I’m looking at him, it feels like I’m seeing right through him as if the room is emptying of color and emotion. I don’t know what to do right now or how to help. I feel like I can’t breathe, like I don’t even deserve to. I know Farron needs me, needs my strength, my comfort, but it’s not this version of me that she needs. It’s the better version. The before version—the one who could chase away shadows and stand tall against storms.

But here I am, a shell of that person, numb and lost, a bystander in my own life.

So, even as Farron’s sobs wrack her body and fill the room with an unbearable weight, even as Kenji and Theo look at me with concern, I don’t feel a thing.

I can’t.

I’m trapped by my own failure, a fog rolling in, dulling my senses and stealing my ability to act. I turn away, my body moving slowly, robotically, to the front door of the cottage. Each step feels heavy, like wading through thick mud. I open the door and step out into the night, the cool air hitting my face like a splash of cold water, but it does nothing to rouse me from this stupor.

I don’t know where I’m headed. I’m not sure I know anything right now except this: with each step I put between me and the cottage, I put another step between me and the most precious thing in my life.