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TWENTY-FIVE

FARRON

LITTLE BEAN

Day 488

The days blur into a whirlwind, each one passing faster than I can catch my breath. I try not to lean too heavily on the guys, no matter how fiercely they insist they’re here for me in every way I could need. They mean well, but I can’t let myself become a burden. I won’t. I don’t lean on Pa either, and it’s painfully obvious he doesn’t want to lean on me. If Holden were here, I know Pa would gravitate toward him. Instead, my heart aches and swells all at once every time I catch him with Kenji. My stoic, sarcastic giant has made it his quiet mission not to leave Pa on his own.

That loyalty? It’s like a balm for both of us.

Lately, my time has been with Daisy, who’s over at the cottage constantly. We spend hours curled up on the couch, sometimes crying into each other’s shoulders, other times letting laughter—bright and unrestrained—chase away the tears as we binge-watch old DVDs. It shouldn’t have taken losing Ma and Eric to open me up to a friendship with her. I hate that it did. But this new connection with her feels like a gift, a flicker of light in the darkness.

Daisy is hilarious, even when she’s not trying to be. It’s made even better by what she calls ‘pregnancy brain,’ where she seems to lose track of thoughts mid-sentence, or say something entirely nonsensical. But more than that, she’s heartbreakingly earnest. Honest to her feelings. Unapologetically vulnerable. She lets herself feel everything—joy, grief, fear—and faces it all head-on. I’m not sure I’ve ever known someone as strong as her. While I’ve always hidden away, shutting myself off from anyone who cared, Daisy stands tall. The little bean growing inside her has no idea how lucky they are to have a mom like her.

The little bean is also the reason I’m hastily preparing everything in the main house right now, back in my makeshift exam room that Theo lived in just a few months ago. Kenji and Jay went to North Star, back to the hospital where I lost myself in a search for Holden after the whole Comet debacle. Peter and Jasper had all but demanded that one of them go along on the supply run, and they returned with a good stock of items, including a small ultrasound machine. It’s a miracle the thing works, and it’s exactly what we need.

I hear knocking on the front door and rush out to get it open, ready to get my new best friend in the house, out of the cold, and off her swollen little feet. “Daze!” I exclaim as I open the door, only to find she’s not alone. “And Peter, Jasper…Hello.”

“Couldn’t let Daisy walk over here on her own,” Peter says in a gruff tone.

“Right,” I respond, slowly nodding my head as my eyes narrow at the two of them. “It’s just that the plan was for Adrian to bring her over today, so I’m a little surprised to see the two of you.”

“Told him we’d take care of her,” Jasper responds, and I can’t help but wonder whether he’s referring to Adrian or Eric. Either way, there’s no point in questioning them any further. I merely open the door a little wider and grab Daisy’s hand to gently pull her inside.

“Well, thanks for dropping my girl off,” I say. “The guys and I will walk her back to the Alden farm tomorrow after breakfast.”

“We’ll come back for her,” he says firmly, his tone brooking no argument. He turns to Daisy, his expression softening. “Get some rest tonight.”

Peter tips his head in a terse goodbye. “See you tomorrow, Daisy girl.”

I watch them retreat down the porch, my mouth opening and closing like a fish as I try to process what just happened. I snap out of it quickly enough and turn to face Daisy, a brow quirked at her. “You wanna tell me what the hell that was all about?”

She blushes, her freckled cheeks turning rosy. “I have no idea,” she says, her voice exasperated. “They’ve always been super thoughtful with me, but ever since Eric…” Her voice falters briefly before she recovers. “It’s like they’ve turned it up to eleven. They’re sweet, but it’s smothering. Two men who barely speak fifty words between them somehow manage to hover like mother hens.”

“Anyway, I don’t want to talk about them. Can we do this?” A genuine smile takes over her face at her question and I simply nod, leading her to the exam room and onto the futon so we can get going. I can hear her shifting around in an attempt to get comfortable while I get on a pair of gloves, and when I turn to face her again I find her with her shirt pulled up to reveal her growing bump.

“Okay, I’m going to apply this gel to your belly and we’ll try and take a look at little Daisy Junior in there,” I tell her after pulling on my gloves. “The Ultrasound machine should be working just fine, so we’ll get a good peek at them. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to tell you the gender or much else, Daze.”

“Why not?” she asks, her brows scrunched together as she watches my movements.

“Because I’m not a real doctor and I don’t have any experience with human babies.”

“What?!” she screeches, the sound piercing enough to make me flinch and fumble, my gloved hand slipping right off her stomach. For a second, panic rises in my chest, but when I glance up, I find her grinning, her eyes twinkling with mischief. She rolls her eyes at me before speaking. “I know you’re not a real doctor, Fare, I just had to take the chance to rile you up a little.”

I pull off the gloves and give her a light smack on the shoulder, feigning exasperation. “Great. Stress me out right before I do one of the most important things I’ve ever done for my new friend. Cool, cool, cool.”

Turning away, I grab a fresh pair of gloves, but her voice pulls me up short. “Sorry, Fare,” she says softly, her words almost swallowed by the stillness of the room. I glance back at her, and my heart clenches. Her nose has turned pink, and tears well in her eyes, threatening to spill over.

“I’m just… stressed. I always thought Eric would be here for this. Through everything.” Her voice cracks, and she looks away, her hands hovering protectively over her bump. “I’m terrified. What if something goes wrong? This is the last piece of him I have. The most important piece.” A tear escapes, trailing down her cheek, and she wipes it away quickly, as if ashamed.

I make my way back over to her, sitting down next to her on the small futon and pulling her into my arms. So much physical touch with her is still a bit foreign to me, but I’m learning to grow comfortable with having a friend again, someone I can rely on who’s not my family or the three men who shoehorned themselves into my life. Daisy breaks down a bit more with my arms wrapped around her, her shoulders shaking as she cries, even as she tries to remain silent. I rest a hand on her head, gently combing my fingers through her vibrant red hair, murmuring soft reassurances that probably mean more for me than her.

Eventually, she pulls back, sniffing loudly. Her tear-streaked face is covered with snot, and I can’t help the snort of laughter that escapes me. “Hold on,” I say, grabbing tissues and handing them over. When she cleans up her face and notices just how dirty the tissue is she throws her hands up into the air. “Oh my god! I’m a mess, Farron! Look at me. How am I supposed to be a mother?”

“Well, Daze, it’s pretty simple I think. You have the baby and then you’re a mother. You’re going to love this little demon more than anything in the world, and everyone else is going to love them, too. And trust me, it’s going to end up a little demon with Adrian and Todd around,” I tell her with a shrug of my shoulders. I want to lighten the mood and remind her that she’s not alone, that this baby is going to have a whole village behind it—literally.

“Farron, you can’t call my unborn baby a little demon before they even have the chance to prove you wrong,” Daisy tells me before she blows her nose again. “Also, I’m pretty sure if my baby does become a little demon, it’ll be Aunt Farron’s fault. You’re going to teach them to be sneaky and snarky, even without trying to.”

I shake my head, trying to keep the grin from breaking out across my face. “Unbelievable. I really thought we were friends now, Daze.”

“We are friends, Fare,” she tells me, a smirk on her face. “Which is why I know you’re going to be the best aunt this baby could ever ask for.” The smirk falls off of her face, her features turning solemn. “Thank you. You make me feel like I can actually do this.” She reaches a hand out to me, and I step forward to grab it, giving a big squeeze.

“Of course you can,” I tell her. “You are the strongest person I know, and you’ve got a hell of a village behind you. Now, it’s time to do this. Let’s clean off that belly and get some more gel on it so we can see the little bean.” She squeezes my hand and, with a nod, we get going.

Once the gel is reapplied and I have clean gloves on, I get the ultrasound going. I move it around and, before we know it, the little screen on the machine shows us exactly what we’ve been looking for—Daisy’s baby. A gasp escapes her lips and she covers her mouth as tears start streaming down her face.

“Oh my God, Farron,” she breathes out. “It’s him! It’s him! My bean!”

“Yeah, Daze,” I respond, a soft smile on my face as I look at the screen. “That’s your little bean.” I point to a spot on the screen and tell her, “Those are the little feet, and I think if you look right over here, you can see fingers.”

I notice something else as I’m looking, but I hesitate to speak out loud since I’m not completely confident yet. “And…I think you’re right, this little bean might just be a boy.”

Daisy squeals, clapping her hands together. “A boy? Really? My mommy instincts that good already?”

I shrug, laughing at her excitement. “Maybe. I’m not a real doctor, remember?”

She rolls her eyes, her laughter bubbling up. “We’ll see when he’s here.” She watches the screen before freezing, the smile dropping right off her face. “Oh God,” she says, her eyes wide as she looks over at me. “If it’s a boy, Adrian and Todd are going to turn him into an absolute menace, Farron!”

I laugh out loud, shaking my head. We stay there for a while, watching her baby on the monitor, listening to the sound of their—his—heartbeat. Daisy relaxes her head back into the pillows and reaches out to grab my hand again.

“Thank you for doing this with me,” she tells me, her voice thick with emotion.

“Always, Daze. I promised you’d never do it alone. I meant it.”