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THIRTY-ONE

FARRON

CONFRONTATION

Day 506

The days blur together, a gentle rhythm I would have never expected but have come to treasure. I’m not exactly sure when my life became this; a soft and subtle routine involving three men that I never saw for myself. When I came back to the ranch, I thought that was it—my world was ending. The world had fallen apart, and I’d resigned myself to living out my days in the company of my remaining family, retreating from anything resembling hope or happiness.

I didn’t deserve that happiness, after all.

Now, I can’t see it any other way. As I sit in my cottage surrounded by the three men who stormed my life and flipped it upside down in the best way possible, I realize I’ve been given something I never thought possible—a second chance. At life. At happiness… At love.

Adrian’s warmth presses against my back as we recline on the couch, his strong arms resting casually around me. Theo is at the other end, cradling my feet in his lap and absentmindedly running his hands back and forth. Kenji sits off to the side, leaning back in the single armchair, his posture deceptively casual as his sharp eyes flick between us. It feels so natural, so easy, as if this dynamic has existed forever. And that’s what frightens me. It's too easy, too good, too safe.

I shake my head, trying to dispel the intrusive thought that this moment of peace is fleeting, that something will rip it away. The possibility of Holden never coming back still lingers like a shadow on the edge of my thoughts, but I can’t let the fear consume me anymore. I want to feel light again. I know the guilt will always be there, but I want to embrace the happiness that’s been creeping in, the kind I haven’t felt in years.

I’m brought out of my thoughts when Theo’s hand shifts, sliding up my leg to rest on my thigh, causing me to shiver. I glance at him, and his gaze meets mine, full of heat and heavy with promise. My breath catches as his fingertips press a little more firmly. A silent exchange passes between us. I look at Kenji, who is staring at Theo’s hand, his expression unreadable but his eyes blazing with a heat that mirrors Theo’s. My heart races at the thought of all three of them, of what we’ve shared, and what we haven’t.

Not yet.

I want Kenji. I want all of them together. Which is why his hesitation gnaws at me. Something is holding him back, a wall I can feel but not see. I want him to break through it and come closer, to let himself want this as much as I do. Adrian’s fingers slide into my hair, tilting my head back until our eyes meet. His lips claim mine, gentle at first, then deepening into a kiss that sends a wave of heat crashing over me. The kiss is so slow but somehow so fucking dirty, and when we part, I’m left breathless, leaning into him and craving more.

During my kiss with Adrian, Theo’s hands have shifted further up my body. They now grip my hips, his touch causing my core to heat with desire for all three of them and making it impossible to think about anything else but that. Adrian’s hand is still in my hair, the other moving in repetitive motions over my stomach and right beneath my breasts. I extend a hand toward Kenji, an unspoken invitation to join us. To stop holding back.

Kenji stays frozen, leaning back in the chair with his right foot resting on his left knee, and his chin resting on his hand. His brows furrow as if he’s caught in an internal battle, his body tense. As the seconds tick by, I have to will myself to remain relaxed between Theo and Adrian, who have stopped their movements to wait for Kenji’s next move. Is this really that difficult for him to decide? Have I somehow misread the situation between us? I think about that day I went looking for Holden, how he kissed me and then took control. But…but he never stepped further that day other than just telling everyone what to do, did he? And when I think about the last few months, we’ve never progressed more than kissing, have we?

My eyes stay fixed on him as he takes a deep breath before running a hand down his face and shaking his head. Finally, he stands.

But instead of moving toward us, he strides to the door. My heart sinks as I watch him.

“Sorry, Princess,” he says over his shoulder, his voice rough. “I can’t.” With that, he opens the door and disappears into the sunset.

Silence blankets the room for a moment before Adrian shifts beneath me, his frustration evident even as his movements remain gentle while he navigates me off of him. “What the hell was that?” He says while stomping off towards the door.

“Wait, Riri” I say, stopping him as I grab my coat and boots. “Let me.” I step outside, my chest tight and my heart pounding against my ribs. “Kenji!” I call, my voice sharp and raw. “Stop!”

He pauses halfway to the main house, his shoulders stiff as he slowly turns to face me. The shadows play cruel tricks on his face, but his expression is unmistakable—dark and unforgiving, something I’ve never seen before.

“What was that?” I demand, my voice shaking with anger.

“Don’t push it, Princess,” he warns, his tone low.

His nickname was feeling warmer, more loving lately. But this time, it feels like it’s meant to sting, and it hits its mark. My lips curl into a humorless smile.

“Don’t push it?” I snap, taking a step closer, before I let out a brittle laugh. “You’re giving me whiplash! You’re the one pushing me away! One minute, you’re there for me, acting like you give a damn, and the next, you’re shutting me out and treating me like—like some stranger you can’t trust!”

Kenji’s jaw tightens, and he takes a step forward, his voice dropping to a dangerous edge. “Shutting you out? Me?” He scoffs, his frustration crackling like a live wire. “Princess, I want this more than you know, but it’s so hard to give myself over to you fully when I know there are still things you haven’t told us.” He glances past me, his gaze snagging on Adrian and Theo, who have followed us outside, before returning to pin me in place. “How are the four of us supposed to move forward if you keep holding back?”

My throat constricts, my body cold and rigid as his words sink in. I know where this is going—of course, I know. It’s the thing I’ve tried so hard to bury, the truth that’s been clawing at me for months.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, though I already know.

“Your parents,” he says, his voice softer now but no less firm. “Something happened, and you haven’t told us. I thought I could give you time and be patient, and I thought after all these months of showing you how much you can rely on us that you would finally open up. But you still haven’t. I’ve given you everything, Farron. Even told you about things from my childhood I haven’t opened up about before, and yet you still won’t do the same for me. You’ve opened up more after that day at North Star. But I can’t do this unless you’re honest with me. With us .”

And the shoe drops.

The air rushes from my lungs, and I take a step back as if his words have physically struck me. My chest tightens, guilt and shame clawing their way to the surface. This moment has always loomed in the back of my mind, inevitable and terrifying. Kenji’s right, of course. They do deserve the truth. But will they look at me differently once they know?

Not only did my parents lose their lives looking for me, but what I did afterwards is unforgivable.

I’ve been keeping them at a distance, because I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t lose them.

I know it will break me. I’ll never recover.

They’ve become too important to me. They’re bringing me back to life. I can feel it in the way I wake up, the way my smile comes more easily, the way the sun feels on my skin. But if I lose them, if they go out there for me and never come back, I wouldn’t survive it. I’m barely surviving now and I just want to keep trying to move forward.

“Farron,” Kenji growls and grabs my attention, and it’s then that I realize the other two have closed the distance and are right next to us.

“You don’t get it,” I whisper, wrapping my arms tightly around myself as if it’ll keep me from falling apart.

Kenji steps forward, but I take a step back immediately. “Don’t,” I snap, my voice trembling. “Don’t you dare look at me like you care, like you’re trying to help. You think I’m hiding this because I want to?” My eyes burn, and my voice rises, shaking with anger and despair. “You think I don’t hate myself every second for what I’ve done?” I wrap my arms around myself and look away, bracing myself to say what I need to, to force the words out. “It’s my fault,” I whisper.

I look up and all three pairs of eyes are on me with furrowed brows. Theo reaches out, but I flinch away, my hand shooting up to stop him. “No.” My voice cracks. “Don’t touch me. I don’t—I can’t?—”

“What do you mean it was your fault, Star?” Theo’s nickname for me breaks what little resolve I have left.

“My parents,” I say, my voice cracking. “They’re dead because of me.”

Silence.

Theo finally moves forward and pulls me into his arms. I take a moment to gather myself before I push away, needing space to finish. I won’t be able to get it out if Theo is holding me like he’s my lifeline. They deserve the truth.

Wiping my eyes, the words begin to spill out, raw and unfiltered. I can see Adrian in my peripheral signing the words as I speak to interpret for Theo. “They were safe. When the outbreak happened, they were safe here. But they left to come find me. Because I waited. I stayed in that damn apartment too long, thinking someone would come, waiting for the National Guard. But no one came.” My voice wavers, and I rub my arms, trying to stave off the cold seeping into my bones, even if the sun is still in the sky and bathing us in its setting light. “It took me forty-five days to get here on foot. And when I finally did, I thought—I thought they’d be waiting for me. But they weren’t.”

Kenji frowns before speaking. “It’s okay, a lot of people waited. It was an unknown situation, and you can’t blame yourself.” I shake off his words instantly, I don’t want his sympathy.

“No, you don’t get it,” I snap at him. I force myself to meet Kenji’s gaze, my voice sharpening. “The last time I saw my parents, I said awful things to them. I blamed them for everything—every missed opportunity, every failure. I told them they were holding me back. And then the outbreak happened, and I never got the chance to apologize.”

My voice breaks, and I press the heels of my palms into my eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. “They went out there for me, and they never came back.”

Adrian comes up and cradles my cheeks between his hands, leans down and places the softest kiss on my forehead, before leaning down to rest his forehead against mine. My eyes flutter close to the feeling of him against me, his warmth, his safety. I take this moment to settle my nerves and steel myself. When I open my eyes again, Theo is right there to wrap me up in his arms. I let him. I don’t know if I’ll ever get this again. I take a peak over his shoulder and catch Kenji’s stare. He looks as heartbroken as I feel.

“There’s more,” I admit, my voice quiet as I pull away and take a few steps back. “But I… I can’t right now.”

I turn away and start heading toward the barn, needing to be alone. They deserve the whole truth, but I need a moment to gather my thoughts. To figure out how to tell them the rest of the story, and to sift through my emotions about being forced to come clean tonight. But Kenji’s heavy footsteps follow, and his voice stops me in my tracks.

“Princess, wait,” he says.

I stop in my tracks, silently wishing that the tears would stop falling so he doesn’t see them. But of course they don’t listen. I whirl around, my tears falling freely now. “What?” I snap, my voice venomous.

Kenji steps closer, his expression torn. “I didn’t mean to push you. I just—” He exhales, running a hand through his long hair. “I just needed the truth. I needed to know that you would finally give all of yourself to us, when it feels like we’ve given all of ourselves to you.”

Something inside me snaps.

My chest heaves as I take a step closer, jabbing a finger at him. “You don’t get to pull this bullshit, Kenji. You wanted the truth? Fine. Now you’ve got it. Happy? My parents are dead, and it’s my fault. Everyone I love dies because of me. So yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe you should protect yourselves from me—because I’ll ruin you, just like I ruin everything.”

Kenji’s face twists with anguish, but I can’t bear to see it. I turn and walk away, my chest hollow and aching, knowing I’ve just shattered something I may never be able to fix.