Page 36

THIRTY-SIX

KENJI

THE TRUTH

Day 506

“Holden saved me,” Farron says, her body trembling with uncontrollable sobs as tears stream down her flushed cheeks. Her voice cracks as she continues, “He’s the only reason I’m still alive today, and he doesn’t even know!” Her hands fly to her hair, gripping it tightly. A hollow, self-deprecating laugh escapes her, and she shakes her head as though trying to rid herself of the weight of her own words. “He doesn’t even know,” she repeats, her voice barely a whisper.

Her eyes flicker upwards, meeting Theo’s and mine in a pained, desperate search for understanding. Adrian stands a step behind her, his face one of anguish. Though she can’t see him without turning, I can see the glistening tear tracks on his cheeks, showing just how strong of an impact Farron's confession is having on him. The sight of Adrian’s pain mirrors my own, and I can only imagine how Theo must be feeling, though I deliberately keep my gaze fixed on Farron for the moment.

“After everything happened, I tried to put myself back together and went to the thrift store,” she continues, her voice trembling as she recalls the memory. “When Holden asked me what happened, I just told him there were zombies and that I handled it. He thought my reaction was just shock—he assumed I was overwhelmed by the fear of facing them alone. He never questioned it, and I never told him what I actually did. And now, he’s gone, probably never coming back. He’ll never know…I…” Her voice trails off, leaving the silence heavy with the weight of her words.

The pain in my chest is almost unbearable as I consider the burden Farron has been carrying alone. The isolation, the fear, the guilt—all of it crushing her under a weight no one should have to bear. My admiration for her strength grows, even as my heart aches for her. Everything I learn about Farron only cements how strong she is, only makes me fall for her more. I’m lost in thought until I get distracted by Farron wiping at her cheeks and raising her chin, looking me directly in my eyes with defiance.

“So, now you know. Now you know what I’ve been hiding, what I couldn’t bring myself to tell you,” she says. “Now you know that I’m a monster.”

I’m unable to remain seated; I’m on my feet and in front of her before I even realize it. My hand finds her chin, gently but firmly, as I force her to hold my gaze. “Do not call yourself that,” I say, my voice a low, intense growl.

“Why not? It’s the truth,” she responds, her voice breaking as she does.

My grip tightens, and I find myself almost pleading. “No, it’s not, Princess. You are not a monster for doing what you had to survive, for wrestling with the aftermath, for holding this to yourself for so long to protect those you love. You did what you had to do. You are not a monster. Do you understand me?” I demand.

Farron remains silent, her lower lip trembling as she bites down on it. Her eyes are full of anguish, and in that moment, I want to reach through the torment and make her see that she’s not alone, that she’s not defined by her past but by her strength and the love she’s shown even in the darkest of times. I take a deep breath, trying to steady my voice as I speak again.

“Farron,” I say softly, “look at me. We’re here with you. Just like with everything else these last few months, this is not something you have to face alone anymore. Do you understand?” Her jaw grinds and I watch as another tear trails down her cheeks, but she merely nods in response.

Adrian, who has been watching quietly, takes a tentative step closer. His voice is gentle, yet filled with conviction. “We all have things we regret, things we wish we could change. But what matters is how we move forward from here. You’re not a monster, Sunshine. You’re one of the strongest people I know. You’ve survived so much, and you’ve kept going. That’s not monstrous. That’s courageous.”

Farron’s lower lip trembles, and she looks away as her shoulders begin to sag. She turns to look around me, at Theo who’s remained seated on the couch. He’s the only one of us who hasn’t said anything or made a move yet. She steps carefully past me, moving towards him with a tentative, almost fearful gait, as though bracing for a reaction she’s unsure she can handle. Theo, still, doesn’t immediately move or speak.

Theo reaches up, removing his glasses with a trembling hand. As he cleans them with a small, shaky gesture, his own tears become visible, streaming down his face. He wipes his cheeks briskly, his movements quick but filled with a desperate need to regain composure. Once his glasses are clean, he replaces them with a deep, shuddering breath, his shoulders heaving slightly.

“I hate knowing that you’ve had this causing you pain for so long, Star. I hate that there’s nothing I can do to make this better for you. I’m so sorry,” he tells her as his shoulders begin to shake. “I’m so sorry, my Star.”

Without a word, Farron climbs into his lap, her movements urgent and almost desperate. She wraps her arms around him, burying her face against his chest. Theo’s arms instinctively encircle her, holding her close as he allows his own tears to flow freely, mingling with hers. They stay like that for a long time. Eventually their tears slow, and Farron turns to look at Adrian and I, who are still standing silently to the side.

I walk up to her, one hand wrapping across her throat to hold her, ground her, as her head tilts up so she can meet my gaze. “No blaming yourself for shit that you can’t control, you got it? When it gets heavy and you feel like you’re suffocating, I want you to come to one of us so that we can help take care of you. You can be mad at me if you need to, but I don’t want you struggling on your own, Princess,” I tell her, my thumb stroking back and forth on her neck as her gaze moves to the side.

“And I’m sorry,” I tell her, causing her eyes to snap back to me. “I’m sorry for pushing you the way I did. I don’t always know how to be subtle or gentle about things, but I’ll try to work on that and learn for you.”

She shakes her head immediately. “I don’t want you to change, Kenji. I lo—I care about you and want you around as you are. Thank you for apologizing, though.” She gives me a wobbly little smile, and I drop down to press a kiss on her forehead before removing my hand from her throat. I smirk at the way her body seems to chase after me for a moment.

I turn to Adrian, and make sure to sign so Theo knows what’s going on, too. “Can you and Theo get some food together? We’re going to stay in the rest of the day and watch something, just relax and be all together.” He nods and I turn back to face forward. Theo also inclines his head at me, and my eyes drop back down to Farron.

I hold my hand out for her, “Come on, Princess.”

She immediately puts her hand in mine and I pull her to her feet as she asks me, “Where are we going?”

“Shower,” I grunt out, pulling her to the bathroom and getting the water going.

“You want to shower together?” she asks me, eyebrows raised to her hairline. I roll my eyes at her.

“Yeah, Princess, together. We’re going to get you cleaned up and let the hot water relax your muscles and help calm you down some more. That’s it.”

As the water starts to warm up, I gently guide Farron out of her clothes, my touch soft and reassuring. I can see the tension in her shoulders, her posture stiff with residual stress. When I help her step into the shower, the heat from the water starts to envelop her, and she lets out a shuddering breath, her body instinctively leaning towards the warmth. I watch her as I shed my clothes off, and I step in behind her, closing the door and letting the hot water cascade over us.

I stand behind her, my hands finding their way to her shoulders. I apply just the right amount of pressure, my fingers kneading and massaging in slow, deliberate circles. I can feel the knots in her muscles giving way under my touch. Her breath becomes deeper, more even, though a slight shiver runs through her every time my hands graze a particularly tense spot.

I squeeze some shampoo into my hands and carefully wash through her curls, my fingers aching to tighten in her gorgeous hair and pull her head taut. But no, now is not the time. After rinsing out the shampoo, I grab the conditioner and run it through her ends, carefully combing through her curls and trying to work through some of the tangles. I let that sit and decide it’s time to focus on her body.

I grab some body wash and slide my hands down her back, feeling the water trickle over us and mixing with the soap. My fingers glide over the contours of her body, smoothing away the remnants of her distress. As I reach the curve of her lower back, she lets out a quiet sigh, her head tilting slightly to the side in response to my touch. I lean down, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of her throat. I make sure to keep my movements steady and soothing, focused on easing her discomfort.

When she turns to face me, the warm water cascades over her front, droplets clinging to her skin. I squeeze more body wash into my hands, gently rubbing and cleaning the front of her now. My hands trail over her collar bones and down between the valley of her breasts, causing her breathing to come in short pants. I stifle a groan as my hands make their way across her lower belly and her hips, wanting to squeeze and knead at the skin.

I notice her eyes flicker downward, widening as she notices the piercing at the tip of my dick, which twitches under her attention. Her breath catches, her chest rising with a sharp intake of air. Her gaze lingers and I can’t help but smirk.

“Kenji,” she whispers, her voice trembling slightly, “I?—”

“No, Farron,” I cut her off gently, pressing a finger to her lips. “I want you so bad, but not now.”

She whimpers slightly, her eyes pleading. “But Kenji?—”

I silence her with a kiss, soft and lingering, before pulling away. “Not now. We’re going to get through this. Let me finish what I’m doing.”

Her eyes narrow in frustration, but she doesn’t fight back, only nods. I kneel in front of her, putting more body wash into my hands as I start to slowly rub and clean her legs, kneading at her calves and working my way up to her thick, muscular thighs. Her pretty pussy is right in front of me, but I try to focus on getting her clean.

I try.

But Farron must really like my hands on her, because her hips start to slowly swivel, pushing her center closer to my face. My hands grab at her hips, holding her still, and I look up at her. Her eyes are hooded, her chest heaving with her breaths. She looks like a fucking goddess in front of me, and I want to give her everything.

“I thought I told you to stay still and let me take care of you, Princess,” I chide her, slowly getting up to my feet. Her eyes follow me, her head tilted back against the tiles as she gazes up at me.

“Please, Kenji,” she says, her voice low and needy.

“Princess, you just came clean about your biggest and most painful secret. I don’t think now is the time, and I’m not going to take advantage of you,” I tell her, shaking my head.

Her eyes narrow and her face pinches in anger immediately, and she attempts to move out of my grasp. “Let me go, then. I’m not an idiot, Kenji. I know what I want and what I don’t want. I’m tired of you holding yourself back from me. If you’re not going to take care of me the way I need right now, then let me go and I’ll take care of myself.”

I can’t help the growl that escapes me at the image her words conjure up. “Fuck, Princess. You’re such a little brat, aren’t you?” My hand comes around her throat again, tighter than earlier. “You know what the problem is, Princess?” I ask her, tightening my fingers for a second. She shakes her head as much as she can in this position, her lips dropping open as she gazes at me with hooded eyes. She likes when I’m more rough with her. Fuck, she’s going to kill me. She’s perfect for me.

“The problem,” I begin, before leaning down to kiss her and bite her bottom lip. “The problem is that I think I’d give you anything you fucking asked for.”

“Why is that a bad thing?” she breathes out the question.

Instead of answering her, I drop back down to my knees slowly, my tongue tracing a path down her body as I do, my hands guiding her to lean against the wall. I kiss right above her mound as my hands move gently over her body, before I bring one hand down to spread her open for me. So wet and pretty and glistening. My tongue swipes through once before I start to tease her with slow, deliberate strokes, making sure she’s feeling every touch. Her moans fill the shower as she loses herself in the sensation, the water mixing with her pleasure.

She tastes like heaven and sin, all wrapped in one, and I can’t help but lose myself in her. My hands grab and knead at her ass before one of them comes down to enter her warmth, and I crook the two fingers forward, finding that perfect little spot that I know will cause her to see stars. Her hips stutter and slam, swiveling quickly against my mouth as she chases the release she knows is just on the horizon. Before I know it, her mouth drops open on a low moan, her hands twisting in my long hair as she repeats my name over and over again. Kenji, Kenji, Kenji.

When she’s breathless and satisfied, I rise and press a kiss to her lips, wrapping her in my arms. We finish washing up in quiet, peaceful companionship. The tension has eased and the Farron from earlier is gone, replaced by a softer, completely relaxed version.

Once we’re out of the shower, I wrap her in a warm towel and lead her into her room where we both get dressed, before we both go back to the main room. Adrian and Theo have set up a selection of snacks and have already started a movie. I drop her into Theo’s lap, and Adrian is quick to scoot closer, pulling her legs into his lap and slowly running his hands over them.

“Someone looks relaxed,” he teases, causing Farron to slowly turn pink. “I wonder why…” Adrian continues, waggling his eyebrows and shooting her a wink. Theo simply turns and presses a kiss to her cheek before moving his head back. One of his hands comes up with four fingers towards his nose and swipes away, telling Farron to ignore him. She gives him a soft smile and presses a quick kiss against his lips, causing him to smile, too.

I grab a blanket off the back of the couch and cover her with it before moving the coffee table sideways, and sitting down in front of the couch, my back against it. Magnum, who was curled up in his dog bed in Farron’s room, comes running out. He quickly climbs into my lap and settles in, causing me to snort. Binx makes her way over to us, picking Theo to use this time around as her pillow. Farron’s hands find their way into my hair, gently twisting the strands with her fingers.

“My mom used to braid my hair when I was younger,” Farron says, drawing our focus away from the TV. I see Adrian’s hands moving, interpreting for Theo. “Whenever I would get stressed or anxious, she’d pull me to sit down in front of her, and she’d get to work. The feeling of her fingers against my scalp and the rhythmic motions always settled me, made me feel sleepy and safe. Sometimes she’d pull my feet into her lap and paint my toenails. We were so different, but at the same time so similar.”

“I bet your mom would be proud of who you are today, how much you’ve stepped up for everyone here,” I tell her, reaching down to squeeze her calf.

“Most of the time, I tell myself my mom is probably looking down on me and thinking ‘I told you so.’ If I hadn’t been in Colorado, I would have been here. I wouldn’t have gone through the things I did on my journey home, and my parents would probably still be alive.”

“Maybe,” I tell her. “But the things you experienced after you moved to Colorado and leading up to returning to Rolling Hills made you the person you are today. It’s easy to play the ‘what-if’ game, but you’ll never really know.”

She hums in response, still staring forward at the screen in front of us. “My dad was always very protective of me. He never liked Trevor as we got older, and he never liked any of the boys I dated. He used to tell me that when I finally brought someone home, he’d be waiting with a shotgun to make sure they knew not to break my heart,” she says, giggling.

“I think he would have been proud to see me holding you three at gunpoint that day you arrived,” she says, causing me to snort. “And I think he would be very happy to see how well you guys treat me, how you take care of me. I think my parents would have loved you guys.”

She hums softly, ending the conversation there. Her hands continue to run through my hair, nails gently scraping my scalp. The TV drones on but the movie is completely lost to me. The only thing I can focus on is Farron. I don’t even realize that her movements are lulling me to sleep until my head completely drops against her knee, my eyes falling closed.