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Chapter Twelve

D evolose

The room is so cluttered and disorganized you’d think it would take minimas to find her, but my eyes are immediately drawn to her. She’s standing in a corner near the reclining couch. Her eyes skitter from mine to look down at the floor. Whatever is going on is bad. All my previous excitement sinks heavily to my stomach.

“Tawny, what’s wrong? Did those females say something to you? Hurt your feelings?” I know before she answers this isn’t the case. If someone had been mean to her she’d be running into my arms right now, not avoiding my gaze.

She bites her bottom lip, still backed against the wall.

“Come, sit.” I approach the couch and pat it. My stomach is in a tight ball. She looks up at me, her eyes brimming with tears, and shakes her head. She’s not going to sit. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know why she’s going to do this, but I definitely know what she’s going to do.

“Dev...Devolose…” She looks up at me, biting her top lip now. There’s a long pause. I’ll give her time. I can almost hear the compartments in my head, the newly opened ones labeled “hope,” “happiness,” “optimism,” and “love,” shuttering closed with stark finality.

“You were right. The others were right. I do have Stockholm Syndrome.”

I have to give her credit, she keeps her gaze on me even though by the looks of it this is as hard for her to say as it is for me to hear. “I thought, I really thought that we could be good together. I wasn’t toying with you, wasn’t playing games. But I realize that every time you move fast or use a certain tone of voice, or...touch me in a certain way, I’m going to be transported back to the things you did to me on Emirus.

“There’s always going to be a part of me that cringes when you touch me, even though the rest of me loves you.”

Oh my Gods! Is she really telling me she loves me at the same moment she’s informing me she doesn’t want to be with me anymore? I’ve known for decades the universe was not fair, but this is downright cruel.

“I think it’s best that I move into the room with the other women. Give me five minutes to gather my two pieces of clothing and I’ll be on my way. We’re going to speak with Thantose about returning us to Earth. I’ll stay out of your sight as much as possible until we get there.”

She reaches out to pat my arm, but I snatch it away. I don’t wish to hurt her, but her touch right now would be too much to bear. My jaw is tightly clenched. I can’t let her see that I’m cracking apart inside. Until yesterday I thought of myself as stone; I need to turn to stone again.

“I couldn’t stay in that room, Tawny,” my voice sounds distant to my own ears. “It’s yours. I’ll see if Thantose will let me stay with him. I understand.” Why did I say that? I don’t understand at all.

She reaches out to touch me again but pulls her arm back as if it was burned. She opens her mouth to say something but snaps it closed. Conversation over. What else is there to say? I deluded myself to think this could ever work. She’s beautiful; I look like an ugly devil to her. Her body is perfect, mine is ruined. She has a life to return to, I have none.

“I’ll be cleared out of your room in one minima . I’ll eat in my quarters; don’t worry about running into me. Talk to the other females, make friends with them. You deserve nothing but happiness.” I leave and shut the door behind me faster than I thought possible.

Tawny

I collapse onto the couch and hang my head in my hands as soon as I hear the metal door close behind Devolose. I’m shaking, especially my hands. I’ve had a hard life, but I believe that was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. Crap. I know my feelings for him are an illusion, but they sure feel real right now.

I know what I need to do. I need to switch gears and go straight into action mode. Stay busy; it’s a great coping mechanism. I was denied that during my years on Emirus—not much to do in a dungeon. But I can keep my mind and fingers busy right here in this room. I’m going to find Thantose and see if we can go back to Earth as quickly as possible. Then I’m going to work my ass off cataloging some of the crap in this hold.

Devolose

Luckily I find Thantose in his cabin. I didn’t relish having this conversation in front of all the males on the bridge.

“So now you don’t think she has this syndrome but she’s decided she does? Do I understand this correctly?” he asks.

“Yes, I guess you could put it that way.”

“Of course you can stay in here with me, cuz. No problem. Can’t you convince her she’s wrong? Be nicer to her? Not raise your voice? Not scare her?”“I don’t think she’s wrong, Thantose. How could she possibly look at me and not be reminded of the most horrible annums of her life? She’s right. I was stupid to think it could ever be different.”

“Are you reminded of the most horrible annums of your life when you look at her?” He cocks his head in that annoying manner he has when he’s making a perfectly intelligent point.

“Don’t you have work to do on the bridge? Like plot a course to Earth?” I just want to have a moment alone.

“I’ll find Tawny and have her give me the correct coordinates. What are you going to do?”

“Go to the gymnasium and run on that machine until I drop.”

“Great idea.”

Tawny

I sit still for about five minutes, then start organizing like objects with each other—statues with statues, jewelry with jewelry—until I’m certain I’ve waited long enough to avoid seeing Devolose in the hallways. I walk directly to the bridge, then wait a moment, my knuckles at the door. What exactly is the protocol, anyway?

While I’m waiting, Marcus the pilot almost barrels into me on his way inside.

“Need something, Miss Tawny?”

We’ve never actually said more than two words to each other.

“Can I just enter? Do I knock? Need permission?”

He indicates the palm reader by the side of the door. “You can’t enter without permission. Promise you’re not here to commandeer this vessel?”

I make the brownie three-finger salute, which makes him look vaguely unsettled. “Yes,” I add quickly.

“Yes, you’re going to hijack this vessel, or yes you promise not to do so?” he asks with a straight face, then laughs and claps me on the back a bit too hard. He slaps his hand on the palm plate and then makes quite a show of allowing me to precede him into the room.

“Earthers don’t joke?” he asks with surprise.

“Um, this Earther didn’t expect to hear one from you.”

He gives me a warm smile. If things were different, I’d stay on this pirate ship.

“Tawny,” Thantose greets me. “I was just going to comm you and ask you to meet me here. Tell me your Earth’s coordinates and I’ll chart a course.”

“What?”

“Your Earth’s coordinates. Is that not translating well? You know, how we can pilot our ship back to your home planet.”

I grimace and narrow my eyes in confusion then tilt my head toward him in question. “How would I know my planet’s coordinates?”

“Were you in special school as a child?” He cocks his head. I don’t think he’s mocking me, he’s asking in all seriousness. “Every school child learns their planet’s coordinates. How else could you find your way home if you’re kidnapped?” He looks gobsmacked.

“Thantose, I…” I clear my throat and start again. “My people don’t have interstellar flight. We haven’t mapped the galaxy in such a way that we’d even have coordinates.”

He nods his head slowly, then answers deliberately, as if I’m going to have trouble following this conversation. “I can’t take you somewhere if I don’t have coordinates.” He stops and corrects himself as if that word was too big, “Directions.”

“Earth. Earth! Certainly you’ve heard of it.”

He enters something into his pad. “The Intergalactic Database says there are nineteen planets in charted space called Earth by their natives.”

“Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere. Third planet from the sun.”

After checking his computer, he nods, looks up hopefully, and says, “Seven of those.”

“My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Noodles,” I say as I count on my fingers to make certain there are eight planets using the mnemonic device I learned in grade school. “There are eight planets in our solar system.”

This time, his fingers play on his pad much longer. Finally, “I can’t find any planets that meet those criteria.”

“Try nine. There used to be nine, and then they reclassified one. Maybe you use different classifications.”

His fingers fly again, but he turns to me and shakes his head. “You sure you don’t have the coordinates?”

“No.”

“Maybe one of the other females?” He raises his eyebrows.

“No. We are not taught that in school.” I think for half a nanosecond that maybe if he showed me some star charts...then I shake my head and look down at my feet. A picture full of stars would just look like...a sky full of stars. I couldn’t even identify the Big Dipper from Earth when I was back home.

“So how did we all get abducted from Earth if no one knows where it is?” Yeah, explain that Mr. Smarty Pants.

“Some slavers go past the known star charts to find slaves. Easy pickings, and no one is coming to rescue you if the planet doesn’t have interstellar flight.”

Until an hour ago, I’d had zero desire to return to Earth. I don’t know why this news is making me feel like crying, but it is.

“Captain, you’re being hailed by your ahma . Do you wish to take it in your quarters?” Marcus asks.

“Absolutely not,” Thantose replies, touching his heart in mock grief. “She’s always on better behavior when there’s an audience.”

A picture of what I assume is his mother flashes across one of the five-by-ten-foot window panes at the front of the bridge. This is my first opportunity to see a female of his species.

She’s colored in black and shades of red with wildly different black and white markings on her face and body. I’m not certain what gives away her age, but there are some lines visible across her forehead. She has dangly earrings hanging from her lobes and is dressed in a colorful kimono-like dress.

“T.T., I need to tell you that your Aunt Aurelia is quite ill. The doctors all agree her time is close.

“I know you’re busy flying your crew all over the known universe looking for bargain trinkets, but…” She looks at him directly for the first time, “I wonder if you could come home. I know,” she holds up her hands in a stop motion, “it’s the last thing you want to do, but I’m asking. First of all, she’s my sister, and I could use your support. Second...she kind of adopted you when you were born. You were the closest thing she had to a son after Devolose was stolen. Please?”

“Absolutely, Ahma .”

She looks shocked. She must have expected this would be a much harder sell.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. I’d like to say goodbye to Aunt Aurelia. She was my favorite aunt. Well, my only aunt, but we had a special bond. The males would probably love a stop on our home planet to see their families.” He glances at the ceiling as if he’s only now remembering. “Oh, I have a present for you.”

“You always bring me presents. It’s a benefit of having a pirate for a son.”

I wondered if she had any idea what type of business her son was in. I guess she does.

“No Ahma . I mean really, really special. Like so special you’d never imagine it in a million annums . Like so special you will love me forever when I present it to you.”

His face looks really handsome as he beams at her. It’s remarkable to watch their special bond.

“I do love you forever, T.T. I’ve missed you. When will you get here?” She claps her hands excitedly like a toddler waiting to open a present. She’s adorable.

“I’ll have to chart a—”

“Two days, two and a half hoaras ,” Marcus interrupts. “I’ve been busy while you’ve been gabbing.”

He looks mighty pleased with himself. It must have been a while since this crew touched down on their home planet.

“Oh,” she says as if she only just thought of it. “And who is this female by your side? Is this the present T.T.? Are you bringing home a bride? Are you going to make me a grandmother?”

Does every mother in the galaxy want to be a grandmother? How funny.

“No, Ahma . Sorry to break your heart. But you will be pleased to know we rescued this lovely female as well as three others from certain death. Can they stay at our house for the duration of the visit?”

I wave at her with a smile. She waves back.

“My son a hero? Of course. I’ll make sure the guest rooms are prepared.” She’s beaming at him—the proud mother.

It’s like when I was little and watched programs where there was a loving family. I always thought it was fantasy—made for TV. Only these two really seem to love each other. How interesting. It’s like watching a science experiment.

“Love you, T.T.”

“Love you, Ahma . See you in two days and two hoaras .”

Her picture flickers off.

His face turns instantly sad, his shoulders droop. “Dev’s ahm a is dying. After being imprisoned all those annums he gets to come home for her funeral. It’s tragic.”

“He might get there in time to say goodbye. That has to be worth something,” I say.

“I’ll go inform him.” He rises from his chair, then turns to me. “Unless you’d like to. Do you think he’d take it better from you?”

Sly devil. Is he throwing us together on purpose? “Won’t work, Thantose. Thanks for trying, but pushing us together isn’t going to help. Besides, I’m sure the last thing he wants is to see me right now.”

As he strides toward the door he mutters, “Don’t be so sure,” loud enough for me to hear.

Devolose

I walk from the washroom to the bedroom drying myself. I’m still panting a little from my run.

Thantose barges in, and I fight the urge to secure the towel around my hips. He knows my secret. I have nothing to hide.

Something’s wrong. I’ve only known the male for a few days, but when his face isn’t smiling or hiding a smirk, there’s definitely a problem.

“Have a seat, cuz.” He sags onto the bed and indicates a small chair in the corner.

My thoughts are flying. What could it be now? For drack’s sakes what terrible thing could be hurtling toward me now? After Emirus, “Paradise,” almost being drowned, losing Tawny...I have no idea what tragedy might be coming next.

“Sorry, Dev. Your ahma .” He stops and gives me a compassionate stare.

“She died?”

“No, but her time is close. I’m charting a course for Primus.”

I haven’t seen her for almost ninety annums . I felt like a grown male when I was taken—twenty annums old. But looking back, I was so young. I pined for my parents for a decade after I was stolen. I thought I’d put those feelings behind me. But I miss them still.

“We’ll be there in two days, Dev. I don’t think I told you your mother stays with us. We’ve provided round-the-clock care. You’ll stay there and can have access to your ahma day and night.”

I’m too numb to respond; I’m still processing this information.

“You’re going to be a big surprise to my ahma . You know how much she loves you, Dev. When she sees you, she’ll be ecstatic.

“I hope we get you there in time to say your goodbyes. I heard somewhere that sometimes right before the end people come to their senses. I’ll pray for that.”

I look down at my hands in my lap, but all I see is a blur. I’ve kept my emotions at bay for such a long time; I have to give myself permission to feel. Then I rescind the offer. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to have all this sorrow crash down on me. I don’t want to deal with my mother’s death. I don’t want to deal with Tawny’s rejection. I don’t want to feel any of it. I want to climb on that machine and run again until my muscles scream.

“The females will have to wait to return to their Earth?”

“Don’t worry about them, Dev. Just take care of yourself. It’s okay to have emotions, you know.” His warm, brown stare is so compassionate. If I allow it to penetrate my defenses, this might be the thing that breaks me.

“Could I have the room alone for a moment?”

“Certainly.” He rises, walks to the door, then turns to me. “I’ll bring food at dinner time. And you will eat it, cuz.” The door closes quietly behind him.