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Chapter Fourteen

A xxios

I hear them laughing as they approach the door. Great. As soon as they cross the threshold I can smell that they’ve been sexual. Even better.

Everyone on Mythros seemed happy in their tri-bonds. I never even wondered how people maintained their contentment with their bondmates. I’d assumed it would be effortless like with my parents and extended family.

I guess none of my role-models had an Earth female in the mix. Certainly none of them started out in captivity, forced to mate under the threat of death. And no bondmates I knew had a paraplegic male, dragging everyone down.

I want to say something cutting, so caustic in fact that they back right out of this room and set up house in her cabin. But I wouldn’t do that to my twin. Gods, I love him so much and want him to be happy. I want her to be happy, too. I love her. I admit it. I’m just no good for either of them.

“Feeling better, Axx?” Braxx asks, a happy smile on his face.

How can I begrudge him his happiness? Less than two weeks ago he was dying, lying in a pool of his own urine. I’ll bide my time. I’m certain the right path will soon become clear.

“Obviously you two must be feeling good.” Drack , that was mean. How did I let that spiteful comment escape my mouth?

“Perhaps someone needs a nap?” he inquires pointedly, his eyebrow cocked.

“Sorry. Sorry to both of you. I have a lot to wrap my head around.”

“All three of us are in uncharted territory,” Braxx says. “Our parents never talked about how they got together, other than that it was arranged when they were young. Brianna and I probably shouldn’t have done anything before we all discussed it.”

He shoves a gust of apology at me through our twinlink even as Brie’s head snaps back in disgust.

“Excuse me? We needed his permission before we…?”

“Not exactly permission, Brie,” Braxx explains, “it’s just that we’re forging a new relationship and everything is new and fragile. We have three people’s emotions to take into consideration. Doing something secretive, leaving someone out, could get things off on the wrong foot.”

Brianna

He’s right. As much as I might wish Braxx and I were a twosome, I’ve tacitly agreed that Axx is part of the package. I need to give this my best shot. Maybe Axx and I can repair some of what’s broken between us.

I look at the golden twin, really look. God, he must feel awful. I’ve been self-absorbed. I’ve held a grudge. I don’t think I’d be on my best behavior if the doc just told me I’d never walk again. How can I expect it of him?

I stride over to A’s side of the bed, pull up a chair, grab his hand, and lean close to his handsome face. I take a deep breath and promise myself I’m not going to say one word that isn’t true.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Axx. Nothing.” I pause a moment, slowly realizing that confessing my innermost feelings to him—to them both— is going to be harder than I thought. “How can anything good come out of what we were initially forced to endure? And yet...it did. I…” Shit, I don’t want to say this. My stomach is clenching. Saying this will give him so much power over me. I gird myself; I literally throw back my shoulders and give myself a pep talk that I’m strong enough to handle this.

“I developed feelings for you, Axx.” I take one deep breath, then another. “I’ve felt a deep attraction to you since, well, since the beginning. And I guess...it broke my heart that you didn’t reciprocate. Yeah…” I nod, “it broke my heart.”

My eyes are tearing, and I clench my jaw to gather control. I don’t even glance at Braxxus, it’s all I can do to keep looking at Axxios, reading his emotions—or trying to—his expression is shuttered. But he squeezes my hand, nice and tight. Is he trying to lend me some strength?

“I didn’t really understand about the twinbond. Didn’t have a clue about silvers and golds, seriously how could I know that? I knew you thought your brother was dead, but the extent of your love for him? The feeling of loss? How much that loss would affect your life? I had no way of understanding that. I couldn’t fathom it.

“I felt rejected by you. You hurt my feelings. And the way to deal with it, to protect myself, was to get angry and reject you back. I...I think I’m still angry and hurt, but I’ll get over that.” I breathe deeper now, the worst is behind me. Besides, I’m focused on my hand in his golden one, I’m not looking into his beautiful blue eyes anymore.

“I really want to give things a try, Axx. And I want to help you. Even with all we’ve been through, you’ve always tried to be kind. I want to give back, to ease your burden.” I take another deep breath and search my soul. I think I’ve said everything that needs to be said, at least for right now.

I gather the courage to look at him now. Whatever power I might have just given him, the damage is done.

His eyes are swimming with unshed tears. His jaw is tight, teeth clenched—I think he’s trying to batten down his emotions. Somehow he pulls me into bed next to him, my back against his side, his arm tight around my waist. This reminds me of those days when we were slaves, when during the day we pretended that our masters were forcing us together, but during the night we experienced bliss in each others’ arms.

He turns his head to whisper in my ear. “I hadn’t experienced feelings, really felt them, since puberty, Angel.”

My insides squeeze with a warm wave of pleasure when he calls me that.

“I wasn’t aware then, but I’m fully aware now—I’ve loved you since the first day. I was too dense to feel it, maybe too stupid to understand it, but it’s clear now how much I love you, Angel. It breaks my heart to know I hurt you. All I can do is say I’m sorry. I never want to hurt you again.”

I climb gingerly over him to the middle of the bed, making sure not to even touch him during the maneuver. I spoon him, but before I throw my arm over his waist, I pat the bed behind me, indicating I want Braxx in bed with us, spooning me from behind.

Oh my God, this feels fantastic. I’m a Brianna sandwich. Peanut butter between silver and gold. Braxx snuggles me from behind, then speaks loud enough for both of us to hear, “I love you two. This is what I want. The tri-bond. Bondmates. For all of us to just love each other. If we do that, nothing else really matters. Besides, everything will work out, it always does.”

Axxios

I’m glad I’m facing away. I can have a moment to process everything. It’s like I’m two different people right now. Part of me is soaring in happiness. What just happened—Brianna saying she cares about me, feeling her arm tight around my chest, her breasts pressed against my back—it’s what I’ve dreamed of since I was a child. That part of me is jubilant and wants to jump up and down in glee.

Which is the point. Because the other part of me knows with certainty that I’ll never be able to do that. I’ll never be able to run or jump, and possibly most importantly, I’ll never be able to fulfill my Angel sexually again because I’m dead from the waist down.

Sadjoy. It’s a Mythrian word I never understood...until today. I feel it now.

A fully-formed plan enters my head, just like that.

I’ll love this female to the best of my ability. I’ll love my gem in a way I haven’t since I turned gold. I’ll get on the Intergalactic Database every free minute to see what happens when the gold member of the tri-bond dies. Maybe there’s a loophole. If I’m gone, gone for good, maybe Braxx’s equipment will work when I’m not around. Then they can be happy without me. In the meantime, they’ll never know I’m not truly part of their happy family.