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Chapter Ten

A liyah

Today’s the first day I woke without a pounding headache. Now all I have to pay attention to is the pain in my heart.

Although it took Momma a while to love Poppa, I fell in love with Sirius in the few short days I’ve known him. At least I think it’s love. I’m afraid to tell Poppa. I’m certain he wouldn’t approve.

I have a plan, though. Sirius may have better hearing than me. He might be stronger and faster and see better at night. But I know things about the land that he doesn’t. I can pay attention to the subtle changes of the wind and the different calls of the ernock birds. I know every hill and valley for two sleeps in every direction.

I’ll give myself one more day to recover, then search for him tomorrow. He thinks he’s protecting me by staying away, but that’s not true. I’m going to find him so we can be together. If we have to live away from my village—never see family and friends again to keep them safe—so be it.

Excited shouting filters into the hut from the dancing grounds. Sticking my head out, I see Leef, Born, and Greeg marching into the village like conquering warriors. They’re beaming with pride, shoulders thrown back and chins held high.

As I run to them, worry clenches my stomach. “Sirius?” I call to them over the din of my tribemates’ happy celebration upon the males’ healthy return.

Leef slants his head toward the perimeter of the village. There’s Sirius, lines of dark mud daubed across his forehead and down his cheeks.

When tribemates return from a hunt, whoever was the best marksmen, or who felled the most game, or who made the greatest contribution is honored with the mark of the exalted—they’re painted in mud.

Sirius lurks at the edge of the encampment. I can see the whites of his eyes from here. He doesn’t want to join the celebration.

Running to him, I shout, “You’ve returned!” I’m grinning so wide Poppa would tease me that a winged norrel could fly into my mouth. I don’t care. “You’re alive! You’re here!”

“The males told me these markings,” he points to his face, “are the honored mark of a hero. I think they were teasing me.”

“No. It may sound silly, but that’s how the People do it.” I beam up into his handsome face. My stomach is still clenching, but now it’s not in fear, it’s from the raw need to kiss him.

Sirius looks at me and really sees me for the first time since his return. Time stops. All the noise and hubbub of the others’ happy excitement recedes into the background, and for one moment there is only Sirius and me in all the world. It’s as if he’s looking into my soul and I’m looking into his.

Sheer hunger consumes me whenever I’m around him. If we were alone right now, I would kiss his luscious pink lips even though his face is daubed in mud.

The word “untouchable” is screaming at the edges of my mind. If it wasn’t, I would run into his arms right this moment.

“Are the People safe? Are the Galerians still coming after you?” My brow furrows in worry.

“I think the threat is over. The tracking device has been removed. Born cut it out. There were two of them.” He turns and points to the spot on his back where Born must have dug into his flesh, but it’s perfectly healed.

Shrugging my shoulders, I simply smile at him and wonder how long it will take for everyone in the tribe to congratulate him. I can’t wait to get back to my house. Maybe Poppa will be busy and Sirius and I can sneak a kiss or two.

Poppa approaches us. He’s donned his ceremonial hat, the one with the mam’non skull adorned with feathers. He looks so serious and important in his regalia.

“I hear you killed our enemy. The other males showed me the firesticks. I’m not sure we should keep them, but that discussion is for another day. I need to present you to the tribe. Come.”

Poppa all but drags Sirius to the middle of the dancing grounds. It’s a round area in the center of the encampment ringed by felled tree trunks. There’s a firepit in the middle, but no fire is burning.

Poppa stands on a knee-high stump near the empty firepit and shushes everyone, his hands held high to command attention.

“Let the People give praise and thanks to Sirius the Far Wanderer,” he says with all the pomp and solemnity this occasion deserves. Being given a name of the People by the chief means he’s been accepted into the tribe. Sirius looks embarrassed and confused. I doubt he understands how significant this moment is.

“Far Wanderer risked his life and saved us all by diverting the attention of those who wanted to hurt us. They’re dead and we’re safe. All hail to Far Wanderer.”

“Far Wanderer,” everyone says in unison. “Far Wanderer.”

“I declare tonight a celebration. Wear your finest regalia. Open the cask of fermented berries. After sundown, we dance!”

He throws his arm around Sirius’s shoulder and pulls him toward our longhouse. I follow.

After being outside in the bright sunshine, it’s hard to see in the dim quiet of our house. Poppa motions Sirius to sit on the platform he slept in when he was here last.

“You are now considered one of the People,” Poppa tells him solemnly. “You are officially one of the tribe. You can stay with us, under our protection. In this land, there is safety in numbers. I have a feeling you’re used to being alone. But you don’t have to be that way ever again. Every one of the People will risk their lives to save another of the tribe. Even one who considers himself unworthy,” he says pointedly.

“You can stay in my hut for a time, but when you’re ready, we’ll help you build a house.” He pauses, giving something serious thought.

“You have to decide if you want a bachelor’s house or a family man’s house.” He casts his eyes toward me.

My hand flutters to my mouth to keep from scolding Poppa for making such a bold statement.

“In our tribe, a male who wants a mate would let his wishes be known at a celebration dance, on a night like tonight.

“He might have been secretly courting the female of his desires, but on this night, he would let the tribe know his intentions by dancing with his female for all to see.”

“I don’t know if there’s a particular female here who’s caught your eye…” Poppa says provocatively, “but it would be hard for a female to resist a male who wears the mark of a conqueror.”

Poppa smiles at Sirius, then me. He claps Sirius on the back and says softly. “You’re a good male Sirius, I’m proud of you.” Then he ducks out the doorway, leaving Sirius and I alone in the quiet hut.

Poppa just told Sirius he would allow him to court me. I guess this means I’m not an untouchable anymore.

I don’t quite understand myself. Earlier today, before the males came back to the village, I was ready to follow Sirius to the end of our territory and beyond. Now I’m afraid to walk the short span between us.

I sit on my pallet, my back straight, my eyes on the dirt floor. Sirius is a proud male. His thoughts are his own. I shouldn’t try to sway him.

“I’d already decided to leave, Aliyah. I was going to give you space and time to find a mate within your tribe. But your father explained why he made you an untouchable. I understand why you can’t mate with any other male in the tribe.”

His eyes bore into me, silently commanding me to hold his gaze. I fist my hands at my sides and order myself to sit. It takes all my effort not to rise and launch myself at him. I want to comb my fingers through his hair and lose myself in those captivating blue and brown eyes. He looks fiercely beautiful with the mark of the exalted.

“If I were to dance with you tonight would you welcome it?”

I haven’t known him long, but this is possibly the most important question he’s ever asked.

Looking him square in the eye, I nod.

His jaw locks tight and he stares at the floor. “If you…” He pauses for a long time—so long my teeth begin to nibble my bottom lip. He doesn’t look like a male who wants to dance with me at his celebration tonight. Now that he’s an honored member of the tribe, maybe he wants to catch the eye of another. Every particle of my being impatiently waits for his next words.

“If you weren’t an untouchable, Aliyah, if you could pick any male in the tribe, would you have the slightest interest in me?”

I can’t force myself to stay seated any longer. I launch myself at him and slide onto his lap. Cupping his cheeks in my hands, I pierce him with a gaze so fierce he won’t be able to doubt the sincerity of my words. I give up on English so there’s no problem with communication.

“Sirius Far Wanderer, there’s never been a male who’s captured my eye. There’s never been a male who’s…” Should I admit this to him? “There’s never been a male who’s captured my heart.

“If every male in the tribe asked me to dance tonight, it’s you and only you I would say yes to.”

I close the distance between us and press my lips gently to his, sliding my fingers through his dark, silky hair.

He leans back. “I’ll wash this off.” He points to the markings on his face. “I don’t want to get you dirty.”

I pull him to me and press my forehead to his, feeling the caked mud crumble on my skin. “Every young girl in the tribe goes to sleep after every celebration praying that someday she’ll dance with a male who bears the mark of the exalted. You’re fulfilling a lifelong dream.” I laugh and press even closer. The mud smells rich and fertile, not dirty at all.

Sirius doesn’t wait for me to quit laughing. He presses me closer as if he desires nothing else in the world. His kisses are firm and possessive. His tongue demands entry between my lips and I open to him, loving the taste of him, the insistent probing of his tongue.

Living so close to nature, I’ve seen animals mate since I was a little girl. Our tongues are doing that now—penetration, possession, permission given, liberties taken.

A burst of desire sparks within me. My nipples are tight—needy. The juncture of my thighs demands pressure. I remember the pleasure Sirius gave me the night before I Iost consciousness. Desire to have that again burns along my veins.

How many days, for how many winters did I dream of this? Of touching a male, of exchanging intimacies. How wonderful I’ll finally fulfill all those desires.

I press my tongue into the warm cavern of his mouth, drowning in the delight of obliterating all barriers between us.

“I’m a dracker ,” he says as he rears back, pulling as far away from me as he can without forcing me off his lap. “I want this so badly I forgot what I am.” He shakes his head as if to bring himself back to this moment.

“I warned you I was broken. Not just these unnatural, mismatched eyes. Not just the ears that belong on an animal.” He takes a deep breath in preparation, I assume, to break my heart. “The people who made me wanted me for one thing and one thing only—they built a soldier equipped to fight in any circumstance. They did a good job. I can run for hoaras , climb trees, withstand blistering heat and bitter cold, and go weeks without food.

“They didn’t want me to be distracted by emotions or females, and certainly didn’t want me to fall in love. And they made very sure to build a soldier who could never procreate. Despite their best efforts, I found my emotions, Aliyah. I care for you beyond measure. I overrode their programming. But regarding my biology? That’s another story.

“They made me incapable of procreation. Not only am I unable to produce children, but I’ll never be able to fill you like a female wants from a male.”

To underscore his point, he takes my hand and guides it under his doram leaf loincloth. “This should be hard as stone right now. If my body reflected the desires of my mind, it would be engorged with blood and demanding to pound into you this very moment. But the Federation designed me to malfunction.

“I’ll never make you happy if we share furs. I’ll never give you younglings like you want. I’ll never, ever be the male you deserve.

“Forgive me for my moment of temporary insanity. For one brief moment, I allowed myself to forget how deeply flawed I am.

“Thank your poppa. Tell him I mean it deeply, from my heart. I’m going to slip away and create a life where I can’t inflict myself on you or your tribe any further.”

He stands, gathers his bow and arrows, and stalks toward the door.

“Stop!” He stands paralyzed. Perhaps the timbre of my voice scared him. It certainly surprised me. I’ve never used that tone before. I guess Poppa was right when he told me I’m willful. “There are two people in this room, Sirius. Do I have a say?”

I’ve never been this angry before. My hands are shaking with rage—at him. “How dare you make a decision that should be mine to make? How dare you?”

He turns to look at me and sets his weapons on the floor.

“Yes or no. Do you care for me?” The muscles in my face are so rigid they’re stiff as stone.

His eyes round, then he glances left and right as if he’s looking for the answers on the walls of the hut.

“Yes or no?” I demand.

“Yes, Aliyah. Dear Gods, yes, I care for you.”

“Yes or no, do you want to be with me?”

“Yes.”

“And if I want to be with you, would you stay with me?”

“But you—” his words trail off when I stomp my foot in outrage.

“Don’t you dare tell me how I feel or what I want. Would you stay here with me if that’s what I want?”

“Absolutely, Aliyah. That’s my fondest wish.”

“Then you owe me this, Sirius Far Wanderer. Don’t slink off like a coward. Everyone in the village knows that’s not who you are. Do me the courtesy of asking me to dance like every mated female in this tribe has been asked. And I will give you my answer tonight.”

I turn my back on him, my shoulders so tight and stiff they almost reach my ears. I wait until he leaves the hut before I turn, throw myself on my bedding platform, and cry.

The Gods can be cruel, or maybe they just have a terrible sense of humor. I’ve gone from believing I’ll be untouchable and never have a mate, to falling for an eligible male and having dreams of home and family, only to have it snatched away.

I take a few moments to cry and wallow in self-pity, then I stand up and re-stack the firewood, though there’s nothing wrong with how it’s piled.

I’m a fickle, selfish female who is mad at the Gods when they’ve blessed me in countless ways. Less than ten sleeps ago, I was convinced I’d die alone and childless. Now I have a handsome, strong male who wears the mark of the exalted and just told me he cares for me and wants to be my mate.

I wouldn’t be the first female to find out she’s childless after her mating ceremony. The difference is I don’t have to wonder each moon if the miracle will happen. I’ll know from the start there is one desire I won’t have fulfilled. I can think of far more upsetting things. In fact, what I had before was worse—I was condemned to a lifetime of loneliness.

And speaking of being fulfilled, I don’t know what goes on under the furs of the other mated couples of the village. I know what happened in the cave, when Sirius’s tongue brought me to the edge of heaven. If that idea is what brought me to tears a few moments ago, I should make a visit to Chernan and have him examine me, because no normal woman would ever turn that down.

My lips turn upward in a smile as I decide I don’t want to think about what I lack. I’ll focus on the bounty the Gods have so generously laid at my feet.

I hum happily, dancing a little as I neaten the hut. The male I love is going to touch this untouchable in front of the entire tribe shortly after the sun goes down tonight. I’m the luckiest female in the village.

I stop abruptly, realizing Sirius doesn’t have any idea about rockshun . Oh well, even if he did, it wouldn’t change his mind about dancing with me tonight. He’ll find out soon enough.

I ’m standing in the doorway, precisely half in and half out of the hut. I’ve adorned my wrists and neck with flowers and braided tiny blue yernack blossoms in my hair. The drummers are already in the circle, drumming the deep, rumbling call to assemble.

My pulse pounds with excitement even more than it usually does on a festival night. The drums always get my blood throbbing, but tonight it’s so much more. Part of me wants to run to the circle and wait for Sirius, the other part is afraid he’s changed his mind about me—maybe he’s already slipped out of the village and made an encampment far away.

I decide I’ll stand right here until I see him. If he’s fled, I’ll spare myself the embarrassment of noticing it in front of every member of my tribe.

Before I drive myself crazy with worry, I see him stride into the middle of the group. Someone braided his hair, and the marks of the exalted have been reapplied where I rubbed them off in passion.

He’s wearing a doram leaf loincloth as well as a sash of braided wickam leaves slashing from his left shoulder across his chest to his waist.

I understand now why he seemed so small when I first saw him fighting the pride of mam’non —he’s two heads shorter than every male in the tribe. But now that we’ve spent time together, I realize he’s the perfect match for me. He’s more than a head taller than I am, and I’m just the right height to tuck next to him when we walk.

Sadness spirals through me as I think about Momma. It was the difference in size between her and Poppa that killed her.

I don’t want to wait here a moment longer, so I run into the dusky night and stand next to Poppa, who’s singing the traditional song of praise to brave warriors. Everyone raises a gourd of martaberry wine toward Sirius, who looks like he’d rather be anywhere than here as the center of attention.

I fill a gourd and lift it toward him. I might be singing a bit too loud, but I’m so proud of him.

Some of my tribesmen began drinking the fermented berries shortly after Poppa declared tonight a celebration. They need little more than the beat of the drum to begin dancing.

Sirius approaches Poppa and me. “I’m not a singer or dancer,” he informs me as he shakes his head and looks around like he’s searching for an exit. I notice every muscle in his body is stiff.

“You’re more beautiful than usual, Aliyah. I didn’t think that was possible.” Despite his discomfort, he’s generous with his compliments. He leans down to speak closer to my ear. “If you still want to dance with me tonight, I still want to ask you.” He pierces me with a meaningful gaze. “Tell me when the time is right. I want to do this the way you always dreamed of it.”

Oh. My heart is galloping. My palms are sweating, and it dawns on me he’s right—I’ve dreamed of this moment since I was a little girl. But the male of my dreams was never as handsome as the one standing before me.

Before I can say, “now,” Poppa sweeps him away and introduces him to every male and female in the tribe. Poppa’s such a good male, he wants Sirius to feel at home among the People.

Greeg, Born, and Leef commandeer him, hand him a gourd, and fill it generously. That was a great strategy, because his smile keeps stretching wider.

Finally, his gaze catches mine and makes my tummy do a slow, rolling flip. If his eyes could talk, they’d be telling me to take off my clothes, lie back, and spread my legs. By now I’ve had two gourds of drink, and if he asked, I wouldn’t refuse.

Sirius stalks over to me as if he owns the village. I’ve never seen this look on his face before. Perhaps for the first time he feels as though he fully belongs in his own skin.

Standing in front of me, he bows low at the waist, and then stands to his full height.

“Lovely Aliyah of planet Nativus, would you allow this humble male who has admired you from afar to touch you in front of strangers and dance with you for all to see? Would you grace me with the privilege of walking with you later in the moonlight? Will you consider being my mate?”

I’m happier at this moment than I ever dreamed possible. My chest is humming in excitement. I grasp his outstretched hand and he escorts me to the area where half the tribe is wildly whirling to the music.

The drums don’t lend themselves to quiet, organized dancing. They’re built to incite your wild spirit to gyrate freely. But Sirius clasps my right hand with his left, then pulls me closer with his right so it’s lodged behind my waist. Then he twirls with me around the firepit to give every member of the tribe a view of his hands on me.

When that rotation is complete he dances me to the edge near the tree trunk ring delineating the boundary of the area. He twirls me around and around as we traverse this much larger circle so even the old ladies who sit outside the dancing area can have something to gossip about tomorrow.

The singing and talking and playful gibes of the adult males goading each other grow softer and then silent as each and every male, female, and child in the tribe notice our dance.

I imagine there are stunned looks on many faces, but I don’t see them. I only have eyes for Sirius.

My face almost hurts from smiling so hard. I never dreamed this moment could possibly bring so much joy, but it has.

One person starts clapping, probably Poppa, then everyone follows suit—except the drummers. They’re rhythmically pounding in unison so loudly it reverberates in my bones. Everyone in the tribe has watched me grow from little kidnapped slave to motherless child to the lonely untouchable I’ve become. They’ve seen me grow older without a mate winter after winter, and they’re all happy for me. For us.

Poppa starts singing the song of our clan, our small unit within the tribe. The other clans join in. Tears roll down my face. I feared Sirius would look like a trapped animal surrounded by prey, but he’s happy. That’s a beautiful sight.

Finally, the drummers slow the beat, bringing the clapping and singing to a halt. Poppa stands on the tree stump, his hands in the air to command attention.

“Aliyah, what is your answer to Sirius, Far Wanderer?”

“Yes!” I shout. Was there any question?

“Every member of this tribe has watched Aliyah grow to adulthood with no hope for a mate. Now that a miracle has happened, I’m sure we all agree to perform the rockshun as swiftly as possible. Tomorrow, when the sun is high in the sky,” he announces. “Who volunteers to be part of the ceremony?”

Greeg, Leef, and Born step forward as well as Ferneet. They look solemn and pleased, knowing this is a great honor.

I glance up at Sirius, who’s looking skeptical. I guess a lifetime as a slave hones a male’s ability to detect trouble on the horizon.