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Chapter Sixteen

S hadow

It seems obvious to me that the lavender buds in that backpack aren’t going to save the life of the dying male on the hospital bed across from me. He’s been comatose for days and I don’t think any dracking tincture is going to bring him back from the brink of death.

Tyree and I shared a psychic mindlink when we were organizing the insurrection. He’s been unconscious for days, but I wonder if I can connect with him. Maybe there’s something I can do to help.

I’m surprised when my thoughts so easily slip into his, and even more surprised when I can’t find my way out.

I immediately feel his pain. An agony so sharp and violent it’s far worse than the flaming sticks I was poked with by those two thugs yesterday.

Tyree’s thoughts swirl around me. I’ve never experienced anything like this. He was always the one who breached my mind; I’ve never entered his before. I see pictures of what I assume is his world: muscular four-leggeds pulling a wagon, a small cabin made of wood without benefit of electric lighting, a warm sea with lapping waves.

But it’s the pain that overarches my awareness of everything else. The pain invades my muscles, grabs my joints and ligaments, and sets everything afire with torture.

I think it’s only been a minima , but I’ve completely lost my perspective of time or space or normalcy. I try to back out of his consciousness, but I can find no escape.

I have a guess, more of a knowing, of how to help him. I pull him toward the turquoise of the sea. Somehow we’re both lying on the warm, pink sand of the beach, with the sun pouring down on us.

I direct both our attention to the rhythmic sound of the lapping waves.

Feel the warmth of the sand, Tyree. Listen to the waves. Hear the birds calling to each other from far out on the water.

I sense the slightest relaxation of his muscles.

The water begins to lap at our toes. It’s the perfect temperature—not too cool, not too hot. The water pulses over us, from toes to heels to ankles, then in small degrees all the way up to our necks.

I have no idea how long we both lie in the sand, feeling the water wash over us. What I do know is that his pain is receding from him in tiny increments. And as his pain abates, mine multiplies.

Maybe it’s the imaginary water we’re lying in, or maybe it’s my tears, but I feel liquid trailing down my cheeks from my eyes. I’ve been stabbed, I’ve had my arm hacked off so brutally the medics had to do additional surgery with a laser knife. My eye was pierced with the sharp prong of a filthy trident in the arena, but none of that could compare to the torment I’m experiencing right now.

My jaw is clamped so tight I wonder if my molars will break off. My thoughts are fuzzy.

Tolerating this amount of anguish destroys my ability to think. I can only hold one thought in my head: I have to help Tyree.

Tyree, can you hear me?

Yes.

I’m right here. Let go of your pain. Give it to me.

What possessed me to make that offer? His pain was killing him. No one could tolerate this.

He holds back.

I can handle it. Give it to me. My tone is more of a command than a request. Where I found the strength to make the offer, I don’t know.

Then I feel hot magma flowing in my direction. I’m burning. I’m certain I’m dying. No mortal could tolerate this level of agony. I hang on for long minimas . The heat is so intense I’m certain my eyeballs will bubble out of their sockets. I imagine my skin reddening, then blistering, then the black remains peeling off my bones.

I move my consciousness into the sea and feel the smallest modicum of relief. I let the cool waves wash over me, visualizing the crisp, burnt remains of my flesh being taken out to sea and replaced with new, pink skin.

The pain subsides enough that I find the doorway to pull out of his consciousness. I descend into blackness.

Petra

I have no idea what happened. Grace and I left for maybe half an hour. I knew it would do her good to get a brief respite. She’s such a sweet soul I can only imagine she’s been at Tyree’s bedside since we went to Ortheon.

When we return to medbay Shadow is lying on the floor in a crumpled heap near Tyree’s bedside.

“Shadow!” I run to him. He’s out cold on the floor. I scream for Dr. Drayke who distractedly comes rushing in from the other room.

It takes all three of us to heft Shadow onto the second bed in this treatment room. He’s pale and unconscious.

“What happened?” Dr. Drayke asks us.

“I was hoping you could tell me,” I respond, my voice flat and worried.

The doctor grabs his tablet and has the medbot do a scan. “Close the door, Grace!” Dr. Drayke all but yells. “Oh my. This is bad. I had assumed that whatever was going on with Tyree was species-specific to her, I mean his, race. But many of Shadow’s vitals are mimicking the abnormalities I found with Tyree. That means this is a contagious illness. I’m putting the five of us into immediate quarantine.”

He comms the bridge and gives Zar a rapid-fire update. They agree to close the outer doors to medbay proper and put our air on recycle-only so there is no air exchange traveling to the rest of the ship.

“I’ll continue researching what’s going on here,” the doc informs the captain, “but we’ve got to maintain strict isolation protocol until we figure things out.”

Grace and I are too surprised to say anything. Looks like we’re stuck here for a while. I’m a hairdresser, not much I can do to help. I pull up a chair and grab Shadow’s hand. “Shadow, can you hear me?” He’s unconscious.

Grace moves to Tyree’s bedside and holds his hand, almost a mirror image of Shadow and I.

“Dr. Drayke?” Grace calls out tentatively. When he doesn’t answer she calls him again.

“Grace,” he responds with irritation, “I’ve got to work fast here. I’m trying to research this.”

“Um, I know I’m not a medical person, Dr. Drayke, but um…” She waits for him to come into the exam room from the attached lab. “I’ve been sitting at Tyree’s bedside for days, watching his vitals on the screen. Haven’t his vitals changed for the better?” She allows the doc a moment to scrutinize Tyree’s info on his pad. “And don’t Shadow’s vitals look a lot like Tyree’s did an hour ago?”

The medic compares their medstreams side by side.

“Does it look to you like Tyree got better about the same moment Shadow got worse?” Grace asks.

“Yes,” the doc answers, preoccupied with the info on his pad.

At that moment Shadow gasps a huge gulp of air, and then another. He groans for a long moment, then briefly opens his eye.

I can tell he’s in a lot of pain. His facial muscles are tight. He’s squinting in protest at the harsh overhead light. I rush to the wall switch to dim it.

“Can you talk, Shadow?”

“Mmmm,” seems the best he can do at the moment.

“Water?” I offer.

He nods.

Raising the head of his bed, I help him drink. I run my fingers through his hair. I love the way the hair above his ears is so short it feels like velvet. I smile at him. He grimaces in an

approximation of a smile, then grabs my hand and pulls me close. I reach over to pull up a stool, then lay my head on his pec and peer at his handsome face.

“What happened?”

“I helped Tyree.”

“Helped?” I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“I spoke with Tyree through our telepathic link. We communicated that way weeks ago to start the insurrection. I had no idea when I made the connection that I’d... I’d know how to heal him. I just had this feeling, this knowing, of what to do to take his pain.”

“You took his pain? Did that really sound like a good idea?”

Shadow—angry, cynical Shadow—performed a selfless act and took Tyree’s pain?

“I didn’t think, I simply acted. It hurt like the fires of seven hells. It still does.” His face is squeezed into a perma-wince of torment.

“That was kind of a crazy stunt.”

“Not really. Is Tyree better?”

“Doc?” I ask, “Are Tyree’s vitals better?”

“Ask him.”

What? I turn around and see his eyes are peeping open. Grace has him propped up and is giving him sips of water. He moans and lies back down, but it certainly seems he’s on the road to recovery. Does this mean the whole climbing that damned tree and almost dying thing was all for nothing? If so, boy am I pissed.

While the doc spends another few hours observing both their vitals, he treats the burns on Shadow’s abdomen. Tyree will need to spend a bit more time recovering, but Shadow’s good to go.

“I’m starving,” he complains good-naturedly.

Dr. Drayke confers with Zar over the comm. He believes there’s no communicable disease involved here, but wants to consult with the captain before he opens the medbay doors and lets us waltz out.

A moment later we’re wending our way down the hallway toward the mess hall.

Shadow is leaning heavily on me, which is ergonomically difficult because he’s so much taller than me. I think back to how he looked when I caught a few glimpses of him in the arena the day we met. That hot, sexy picture of the naked alpha male is burned into my brain.

But this softer Shadow—quiet, spent, and needing my help—this is sexier in a way. The anger and the false bravado are absent for the moment. I like this side of him.

We’ve lost another sleep cycle, and I haven’t eaten a proper meal in days. I smell breakfast. Maddie’s cooking, but the dining area is empty. That suits me fine; I’m in no mood to chat with everyone. Shadow and I are both exhausted. I just want to eat and hit the sack.

“Oh, Petra,” Maddie gushes, “Everyone was so worried about you. When you didn’t come home last night we feared something terrible happened to you. Glad you’re back!”

My skin heats as rage bubbles up out of nowhere. I didn’t see this coming, but it roars through me like a freight train. “Shadow’s right here, Maddie! Shadow’s right here and he risked his life, too. Were you worried about him? Are you glad he’s back?” I’m glaring at her, all the while watching myself as if from afar, shocked at my own behavior.

Maddie’s eyes widen in surprise. “Well…” she hedges, “of course I’m glad you’re both back.” She steps backward toward the kitchen, then turns and hustles away.

Shadow reaches out, slides his hand under the curtain of my hair and strokes my neck with the tips of his fingers. “Where’d that come from Petra? Are you trying to protect me? I appreciate it, but she has every right not to like me. They all have every right not to like me. It’s okay.”

I don’t know what happened to him on Ortheon II, but now Shadow’s all zen and I’m an angry raging female? It must be Backward Day.

I follow Maddie into the kitchen. “Shadow was tortured on Ortheon, and really ill, dangerously ill a few hours ago Maddie. I’ve been under constant stress since I was abducted but I have no excuse. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. I’m sorry.” I’m still taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

“That surprised me is all.” Hurt as she is, she’s dishing up plates of delicious-smelling food. “I just assumed he got on your nerves as much as he does everyone else.”

“No. He doesn’t. He’s changed. Maybe you should look at him with new eyes. Maybe you should give him another chance.”

She gazes at me for a long moment, not moving; with a full, steaming plate in each hand, she nods. “Maybe I will.”

I follow her to our table where she sets our plates, and Shadow and I inhale the food. I don’t know about him, but I just want to fill my stomach and go to sleep. He reaches over and strokes my back every now and then between bites. I appreciate that he doesn’t feel the need to lecture me about my behavior, or even talk for that matter. I like the calming touch.

He’s still weak as a kitten, and I help him down the hall to his room.

“I’ll be honest, Petra, I have no idea whether I should ask you to join me or not. I’m totally confused about your sleeping preferences. I’ll just say I liked holding you in our furs last night, it felt... right. If you’d like to join me in my bed I’d enjoy that. If not, I’ll see you tomorrow, or later today, or whenever. Time has recently gotten very confusing.” He shrugs and gives me a slight smile.

I want to ease him into his bed, then trot off to my own. That’s what I would have done a couple days ago. If there’s no sex, there’s no need to get horizontal with anyone. But that’s not how I feel right now. Tomorrow I can be strong. Tomorrow I can sleep in my own bed—alone. Tomorrow I’ll go back to being the tough, independent Petra I’ve always been. But today? Today I want to sleep with him with every fiber of my being.

Shadow

After a deep sleep, I’m awake, eyes still closed. Petra’s on her side spooned in front of me, my arm encircles her waist. I breathe in the heady scent of vulcana flowers still clinging to her hair.

My body is comfortable, yet different. It’s almost like I’ve shrugged into a new set of clothes that don’t fit quite right yet. It strikes me that I’ve been reborn. I’ve been given a new chance at life.

A few short weeks ago I was a slave. A trained killer with no family, no future and no hope. Despised by everyone I knew, and with good reason—I was not a nice person. Today I’m still despised by most, but not all. Petra believes in me. I like the way she defended me at breakfast, even though she was harsh to Maddie. I like the way I feel when she looks at me—like I’m worth something, like I’m valuable. I saved her life on Numa, I helped Tyree. That’s what she sees when she looks at me.

I’m transforming. My body’s not transforming like Tyree’s, but I’m growing, maybe more substantively than him. I’m beginning to like myself. This is a new feeling. I could get used to it.

My hand moves to stroke Petra from shoulder to flank. I love the shape of her, the soft curves, the dip at her waist and the rise of her hip. My hand looks so large on her small form. I want to pull her closer, to wake her with my erection pressing into her bottom. But her moods confuse me. She wants sex, but not closeness. I don’t want sex without the connection. I’ve spent my whole life either as a playboy or a celibate. I don’t want to settle for less than complete intimacy. I’ve earned it. I deserve it.

I walk to the bathroom and forget to avoid the mirror. There I am, in all my glory. I’ve spent a day back on board the ship and forgot that my prosthetic eye is still lying on the ground on Ortheon. Everyone avoids me as it is, I don’t need to shove this in their faces. I tear another scrap of cloth from my jumpsuit and make an eye patch. First order of business today is to see what the doc can do about my eye.

When I arrive at medbay I check in with Tyree. His transformation is stunning. He’s sitting up in bed eating. His complexion appears back to normal, he’s smiling, but he’s having about as much success getting fork to mouth as a one- annum -old.

“Still getting used to the new body?” I ask, smiling.

“How do you manage to get anything done with all those muscles? They get in the way of everything. I have to re-learn the most mundane activities of life. And don’t even get me started on pissing…” he trails off and sheepishly looks over at Grace.

“TMI, boys.” When we give her questioning looks, she adds, “too much information. You going to be here awhile Shadow? If you are, I think I’ll take a long-overdue nap.”

When I nod, she tells Tyree she’ll be back later, grabs her instrument and bolts.

“Sooo, I can’t help but ask, you ever had one of those before?” I look down at the tent in his lap.

His glance follows mine. “Holy shit! Not only do I have a penis, but is this an erection?”

I laugh. Come on, how could I contain it? “The evidence seems pretty clear to me. Don’t ask me to inspect further.”

“Whoa!” His eyes shutter closed for a moment. I remember my first erection. It was overwhelmingly sensual and powerful—a rite of passage.

“Do you want a moment? Alone?”

“No!” His voice is panicked. “This feels... I have no words.”

“You have some choices,” I explain. “You can ride it out; it will go away in a few minimas . You can thump it with your finger. That’s unpleasant, but it will shrink almost immediately. You could ask me to leave and then you could explore, which would be fun, but maybe it’s not the right time or place.”

“You’re so matter-of-fact about it, Shadow. This seems momentous.”

I guess it would, considering he’s only had a penis for a day. I shrug.

“I’m not even used to touching it to piss.”

From potty training to erections in less than one day. I have to admit, that would be formidable for anyone.

“My offer to leave is still open.”

He closes his eyes, reaches under the covers and I hear the soft thwack of finger on genitals, then an immediate, “Oof. Why did you tell me to do that? Gods!”

“Worked?”

“Yes. How often does this happen?”

“Seems like you’re basically going through puberty. By my recollection I’d say you’ll get about three to six of these a day. Unless you’re around a female, then it’s almost constant.”

“You’re joking. Seriously?”

“That’s how I remember it.”

“Oh no. This is unacceptable.” He shakes his head, looking defeated.

“I’ll get out of your hair in a few minimas and the next time... something comes up... you can take care of it and give yourself some breathing room.”

“I’m not even sure how…?”

“Oh no, Tyree. I’m not going to give you a tutorial. That is something you’ve got to explore on your own. Is the doc releasing you today?”

“He’s going to examine me soon and will hopefully give me permission to go back to my room.”

“My suggestion? Stop at the mess hall. Get as much food and drink as you can carry, then hole up in your room until you figure out how to take care of this.”

“Thanks for nothing.” He sounds miserable but gives me a wry smile.

Dr. Drayke saunters in. “Shadow, are you here to see me or Tyree?”

“Both of you.” I point to my makeshift eye patch, “I’m going to take you up on your prior offer to do something about my prosthetic. Mine is somewhere on Ortheon II.”

“I’d be happy to.”

“First things first, though. How about you check out our male here and see if he’s well enough to leave?”

The checkup takes almost no time at all before the doc pronounces, “You’ll be fine on your own,

Tyree. I’ll check on you again tomorrow, but your vitals look terrific. If you’d asked me a day ago I wouldn’t have given you fifty/fifty odds of living one more day. I don’t know what happened, but it looks like nature took its course.”

Tyree and I exchange glances; neither of us has any need to divulge exactly what happened between us earlier.

The doc steps away for a moment, and I help Tyree step into a jumpsuit that a few days ago he could have used as a bedspread. Now it’s stretched tight over his tall, muscular frame. He’s still uncoordinated as a newborn muscillus pup.

“The balls, Shadow! How do you move without smashing your balls for heaven’s sake? This is complete drack !”

I’m laughing again. How could anyone keep a straight face? “You’ll develop a masculine, rolling gait. I’ll show you how to put on a loincloth next time I see you. That will keep them better tucked away.”

“Loincloth, huh? I’m up for anything that will help.”

We both catch the unintentional erection pun he just made and neither of us can quit chuckling.

He tries the rolling gait I suggested on his way out of medbay and almost trips over his own feet.

“Don’t laugh!” he orders, pointing at me.

“Seriously, get food, get to your room, and start working out the kinks!” I can hear him chortling as he pinballs down the hall.

Drayke calls me into the adjoining lab and takes laser tracings of the contours of my face from all angles. He taps endless instructions into his tablet, then turns it around to show me. The screen depicts, down to the tiniest micron, a prototype of what he wants to build for me.

It’s so much sleeker than my other one. This one will sit much closer to my face, not sticking out so far from my skin. The flange will still butt up against cheek and nose, but it won’t protrude as much. The earpiece that helps it stay on my face is much less obtrusive as well. The aperture itself is still robotic and red, but overall this is a vast improvement.

“I’m impressed, doc. This looks... better.”

“Thanks.” He pulls the tablet back, makes a few more adjustments, then hands it back to me. He’s changed the oculus to green. The green matches my eye exactly. It would make me look like I have a soul.

“Gods, Dr. Drayke. This would be... amazing.”

“This is what I wanted for you all along, Shadow,” he says warmly.

It doesn’t take long for the 3D printer to produce an exact replica of what he designed on the screen. I put it on and look around the room. It’s nice to have binocular vision again. I go into the bathroom to look in the mirror. Closing the door for a moment’s privacy, I stare at myself.

I look less robotic. Funny, I look and feel more alive than ever before in my life.