Page 85 of Everything After (Everything Trilogy)

LILY

Digs immediately held out his arms to receive Charlie the moment I re-entered the sitting room after my son had been fed. “I’ve still to have a go,” he said, grinning like my son was a computer game or something.

As I was placing Charlie into Digs’ arms, I automatically sought out Alfie. My heart sank when I saw him and Cody talking behind the glass patio door. “Shit, that’s the last thing I need,” I muttered aloud as I strode toward them.

“Hold up, princess,” Rick said, intercepting me.

He caught me by my wrist. “Let them talk. They’ve been out there a good twenty minutes, and I haven’t seen a white-knuckled fist clench yet.

Once you consider this, I think their pow-wow is going well.

” I glanced up at Rick who gave me an affectionate smile.

“Anyway, where’s my hug? I got a fist bump from your old man and a body hug from your precious little bundle of joy, so don’t disappoint me. ”

My chest felt tight as I stepped into Rick’s outstretched arms and glanced over his bicep to take in Alfie and Cody again.

Rick squeezed me tighter. “Tell me that you and Lennie have sorted out your differences.” I shrugged. We kinda had, but not completely. “The poor guy’s developed erectile dysfunction and hardly slept a wink since you shut him out.”

Guilt gnawed at my gut because it hurt me to think I’d been so cruel and left him to stew the way I had. Then I remembered how insensitively he’d treated me and pushed my guilt away. I lifted my head to make eye contact with Rick. “Really?”

He chuckled. “Nah, same ravenous sexual appetite as usual. I mean, look what he’s playing with?” he said, gesturing to himself, and then nodding toward Coral.

I laughed. “You had me going there,” I admitted.

“Going? As in you’ve got your sexual appetite back?” Rick waggled his brows.

“Do you really expect me to answer that. Charlie’s not even two weeks old yet.”

“Two weeks and no sex?” Rick swung his head dramatically toward the patio door. “Maybe we should stage an intervention out there after all. You know how cranky Alfie can get when he isn’t getting any.”

“I think all of you are sexual deviants,” I said, laughing.

“Which was what attracted you to us, right?”

I chuckled. “When are you going to have a serious conversation with me?” I asked.

“How’s about now? What’s sex like when you’re pregnant?”

“I’m not answering that,” I replied. Heat rose to my cheeks. It had been years since Rick had achieved that kind of reaction from me.

“I’m serious. Coral wants a kid… she has for a while, even if she hasn’t voiced it.”

“I think so too,” I agreed.

“I mean, I know I have Lennie, but I still love my pussy. I’d hate if we didn’t...” he trailed off without a hint of embarrassment.

“I think Alfie would be better at answering your question,” I stated.

“Why? Because he’s a man?” Rick challenged.

“No, because of how it changed his feelings about sex.”

“He didn’t poke you while you were pregnant?” he asked. Rick’s eyebrows shot up in his hairline in disbelief.

I smacked Rick’s chest. “Rick! Don’t be a dick and stop calling intercourse poking.”

“Well, unless you spell out what you mean, I can only guess.”

“Sex was…” I shrugged. “I don’t know… more emotional?” It was a question to me more than a statement to him. It was love-making and not as playful or carnal as it had been before.

“Oh, God. Slow and painful, or painfully slow?

I laughed. “Just…slower… less…”

“He didn’t fuck you hard… is that what you’re trying to say?”

I chuckled both from embarrassment and how intensely he stared at me. “Yes… no, I mean, sex was different.”

“Different how? I want to know what I’d be getting into if I get Coral pregnant.”

“You’re seriously thinking of having a baby?” If true, it was a one-eighty change in his attitude toward children of his own.

“It’s your fault… or Alfie’s. I mean I was serious—I could do that guy seven ways from Sunday after seeing him with that kid. He looked so fucking hot sitting there with his son on his lap.”

I laughed. “Rick, do I need to put you on notice, like Alfie’s done with Cody?”

“What did Alfie do to Cody?” Elle asked.

She glanced toward the glass door as she interrupted our conversation.

“I’ve been watching them. They appear to be civil enough.

Drew expected their conversation to get intense.

He’s been sitting on that chair near the door waiting to pounce the moment they showed their fists. ”

Alfie stepped away from Cody and opened the patio door. The way he gestured for Cody to enter first, told me there had been an amicable agreement of sorts.

Rick stepped away from me and patted Cody down. “Well, you look as if you’re in one piece,” he joked. “Do I need to check if your balls are still there?”

“Fuck off,” Cody muttered. He stole a glance toward me then looked back toward Alfie.

“Can you spare Cody a few minutes alone?” Alfie asked. His suggestion surprised me because he had been livid with him. “I’ll keep an eye on Charlie but you two should talk.”

I shrugged. “Of course I’ll talk to you, Cody. Let’s go down to the music room, it’s quieter down there.”

I entered the room first, then Cody followed and closed the door behind him. Unlike Lennie, who hovered close to the exit, Cody came straight toward me and sat next to me the moment I sat down.

Like Lennie he looked tired, and his eyes were full of concern. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“In general, or about the band?” I asked, cutting straight to the chase.

He chuckled. “Not about the band. I care about you. I was inquiring after your welfare.”

A pang of remorse tugged at my heart, and I sighed. “Sorry. It’s just—”

“I get it, and you have every right to be pissed with me. But know this, Lily. I’d never willingly do anything to hurt you—ever.”

I swayed my head from side to side while I considered his words. “I know. I hate that people think I’d do anything to degrade what I have with Alfie.”

“He’s a lucky man,” he mumbled. “I know it hasn’t helped… the way I’ve been about you. Since I’ve had time away, it’s given me quite the perspective on how I’ve behaved.”

“I do love you, Cody… but I could never be in love with you. You know my feelings on Alfie—”

Cody grabbed my hand and gave it a tiny squeeze. “Don’t. Please, don’t say any more,” he urged. “I should never have put you in that position where I was constantly testing the water. It was most unfair, and I know that now.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled because I could feel his pain, but it was his heart that had latched on to an impossible situation, not mine.

There was a pause in the conversation, then Cody spoke again. “Your baby looks beautiful,” he said quietly.

“That he is… but I’m prone to be a tad bit biased there,” I teased.

“With you and Alfie as parents he couldn’t be anything else.

” His eyes searched my face, and I had a sudden urge to hug him.

Maybe because he was right there, trying to make amends, or perhaps I’d missed the friend he had been, who’d taken care and loved me, all the while knowing my heart was someone else’s.

“Can we have a hug?” I blurted, surprised by the overwhelming need to do that once the thought had entered my head.

I saw the relief on his face when he huffed out a breath. “I thought you’d never ask.”

We both automatically stood and wrapped each other in a genuine hug that said everything we couldn’t with words, then Cody stepped away.

“Are you still going to stay with XrAid?”

“Lennie asked the same. I’d need to see what that looked like going forward.

There’s a rift a mile wide between you, me and Lennie, and I’m not sure where that leaves all of us.

Plus, I’m not spending months on the road without Alfie and Charlie anymore.

Music is important, and I never thought I’d say this, but family comes first from now on. ”

“Sit down,” he said, gesturing for us to take a seat again.

“Lily, I’m going to make this easier for everyone, but especially for myself. Seeing you now… listening to you talking, it’s made it clear to me where I belong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was eighty percent sure what I wanted to say this afternoon to you, Lennie and the rest of the band, but now I’m one hundred percent. I’m leaving the band.”

“Because of me?”

“No, because of me. Being away from you hasn’t been easy, but it’s given me a lot of perspective. I’ve been offered a solo record deal, three albums, and I’m ready to move on.”

“Move on? You’re definitely going to leave?” At first, I didn’t know what or how to feel about Cody’s news, then the numbness turned to panic, resignation and finally sadness.

“Yeah, that’s what I was talking to Alfie about. I want you to stay in the band. You shouldn’t need to consider anything else, most of what happened is on me.”

“No, it’s not. I’d have given the band up long ago if it hadn’t been for you. Don’t think I don’t appreciate the part you’ve played all these years in getting me out there. I needed you, Cody.”

He nodded with a small, wistful smile on his lips, and he chuckled. “Yeah, you did.” He chuckled again. “But the last time we performed, you weren’t looking at me for your support, Alfie had you. He helped you to see, you didn’t need me anymore.”

In that moment, it would have been all too easy to tell him he was wrong, that I did need him, that he must stay.

I believe if I’d said that he would have done what I asked.

But it would have been selfish of me, because of the personal feelings I held about him in my heart weren’t the same as his toward me.

“We’ll still be friends, right?” I asked, knowing I still wanted him in my life. Cody was still an important person to me, even if our connection had become more complicated in the past couple of years.

“If you want me, of course. But right now, I feel I need time to step back, to find my own happiness that doesn’t try to destroy that of another person.”