Page 18 of Everything After (Everything Trilogy)

LILY

“Jesus, sweetheart. Come here,” Jack, my rock, said, stepping over the threshold of my home. One look at the empathy on his face made me break down in tears.

In the near distance an engine roared to life as the water taxi that had brought him left. Relief flowed through me, and I felt myself relax somewhat, knowing, at least for tonight, Jack was staying.

Usually, a protective hug from him would have set my world straight, but it didn’t. He must have sensed I wasn’t hugging him back because he abruptly pushed me away from his body by my upper arms and studied me closely.

“Let’s take a seat,” he suggested in a soft tone, moving me gently backward through my open front door, and closing it quietly behind him.

Wrapping an arm around my shoulder he turned us and guided me into the sitting room.

Once there he sat me on the sectional sofa and plonked down next to me. “Alright, what’s going on?”

“Oh, Jack,” I muttered, hiccuped and began to sob, unable to hold back another flood of tears from falling.

“Have you eaten?” he asked, frowning. His loving eyes studied my face. I didn’t need to wonder if I’d looked distraught, I caught sight of my puffy eyes and blotchy face in the mirror before I’d opened the door.

“Not hungry,” I mumbled as he swiped his thumbs under both of my eyes and inspected the black mascara trace his action had left behind on his skin.

“You need to eat, but first we’ll get you out of that crumpled jumpsuit and into something more comfortable to cry in,” he teased, making light of my attire.

“I’m fine,” I protested, even though I’d slept in my clothes.

“You don’t look fine… and you forget, I had to listen to you wail down the line from across the pond. Hence, I’m here a day early,” he remarked.

“God, I’m sorry, poor Mya and the kids,” I mumbled, feeling embarrassed that I’d inconvenienced them.

“It’s fine. Mya has Maria with her, she’s dealing with the little ones,” Jack insisted of the children’s nanny.

“I spoke to Alfie last night,” Jack confessed.

My heart stuttered and I stared silently, waiting for Jack to say more.

“How was he?” I asked when he didn’t expand.

“In a shitty mood that’s for sure. Belligerent and argumentative… he told me to mind my own business… that you were his,” he said through a chuckle. “The irony, eh, leaves you and thinks you’re his possession at the same time.”

Closing my eyes, I lowered my head while I digested what Jack had said.

“Oh, come on, Lily. Do you think that man can stay away from you for long? You’re like air to him.

If you ask me, he needs a boot up his arse for behaving how he has.

He should at least have been a man and stayed to argue his point…

which was what—that you should drop everything and take time out with him? ”

“I didn’t ask your opinion. I called for your support.” I stared at Jack, annoyed with myself for snapping at him when he’d come straight away to do just that.

“Then how do you want to handle this situation?” he asked.

“I think we’re broken, and I don’t know how to fix us,” I admitted, my lower lip quivered as I wiped my nose with a tissue.

“Things haven’t been…” I trailed off with a helpless shrug, waving my hand with the tissue still in it, because I had no clue how to explain about all those petty arguments that had been happening for a while now.

Arguments that had gone unresolved, which had resulted in Alfie leaving me.

Even with hindsight, when I’d tried to reflect upon the moment our relationship changed, I struggled to define a specific timeframe for that.

“Okay, I’m not you. And I can’t tell you how to feel, but I know you, likely better than you know yourself. If I tell you what I really think, you might hate me for a while. But… I think I can give you honest, constructive feedback.”

Jack had been like my big brother and had never given me bad advice. He’d been there since I was a baby, and we had the closest, if not always agreeable, relationship. Although, he had always been my voice of reason in a crisis.

“Yes, of course I want you to tell me,” I ground out, sounding as desperate as I felt.

“You’re too driven for your own good,” he muttered flatly.

“Pardon? Are you saying I shouldn’t have my own career because I have a husband?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. To put it bluntly, most times it appears as if you think yours is the only music career that matters.”

“Do you know how hard it is for a female to make it in the music industry?”

“Absolutely, I write about it all the time,” he responded.

I couldn’t argue with that because as a music reporter, my friend Jack Cunningham had made a reputation for himself by challenging how certain sectors of the music industry were marginalized by their gender. He was an amazing advocate for female musicians everywhere.

“I’m sorry,” I said, slapping my hands on my knees and standing. “Coffee?”

“Tea,” he replied, standing and following me into the kitchen. “Do you want me to tell you how I would handle this?”

I nodded, desperate for advice as I began making us tea.

“I’d give Alfie his space, although not only for his sake, but for yours. To be frank, Alfie’s a pain in my arse, but I love him like a brother now. Since you’ve been married the guy hasn’t put a foot wrong… well maybe he has, since this is where you’re both at in your marriage.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve never had to work at your marriage.” Jack sighed and clasped his hands behind his head. “He always puts you first… before everything else.”

“That’s not true, he’s on the road for months sometimes,” I blurted, feeling indignant at that assumption.

“And that response tells me you can’t even begin to consider that Alfie may have a point about needing more from you at this time in his life.”

“I give what I can,” I insisted in disbelief that Jack was taking Alfie’s side. “Is this a man thing?” I asked, wondering if Jack’s response was something like from ‘Venus to Mars’ stereotypical version of how men thought differently in comparison to women.

“No, it’s not a man thing. It’s a Lily thing,” Jack argued. “When was the last time you did something to please Alfie?”

My jaw dropped, shocked by Jack’s remark. “What? I do stuff all the time for him,” I shot back.

“Like?” he prompted.

My eyes roamed the room while I thought about his question. “I mean, I… we…” I huffed, suddenly stumped for examples to give him.

Jack let out a deep sigh that sounded like disappointment. “You might be happy with where you are in life, but maybe sometimes you might need to look beyond what’s happening with you and the band. Maybe you should try to compromise a little for Alfie.”

“What are you getting at?” I snapped, my heart pounding in my chest.

“As much as it pains me to say it, Alfie’s been the perfect husband to you.

He’s never cheated that I know of, and he shows up to support you all the time.

He acts like he loves you by giving you time and attention.

And from what you’ve told me, he’s always finding ways of keeping your love alive.

I don’t mean he’s pretending when he does that, I mean he shows you what you mean to him. Can you say the same?”

My heart clenched in a mixture of pent-up hurt, anguish and fear. His words felt like a personal attack. Unwilling to meet Jack’s scrutinizing gaze, I tried to focus on our tea mugs, my eyes brimming with tears. Pouring slowly, I took that time to try desperately to gather my scattered thoughts.

“Just because I’m not as demonstrative or as imaginative as him, doesn’t mean I love him any less.

I think the root of all this is that Alfie wants kids and I’m just not there yet,” I muttered, convinced that this was the real reason for Alfie’s blow up, and diverting Jack and my conversation back to safer ground.

Jack knew my stance about focusing on my career. Besides, I had several years yet before the clock would start ticking on my fertility. Our band was almost a global brand, and I was determined not to allow my personal life to hinder the rest of the guys from achieving that goal.

“Then let’s hope kids aren’t the only reason he’s left because there are millions of beautiful, willing women out there that would give their left tit to have hot rock god, Alfie Black’s baby.”

“Thanks, Jack. Pile on the guilt, why don’t you,” I bit out in frustration.

“That’s not what I’m doing… or at least that isn’t my intention. Wake up, Lily. For years everyone has treated you like a princess. Me, Alfie, Lennie and the guys, and don’t get me started on Cody. Christ, you even have Rick Fars wrapped around that talented finger of yours.”

“So you’re saying I’m selfish for wanting a career?”

“No, I’m saying you’re selfish because you married a man who loves and cherishes you and you’re not responding in kind.”

I slammed my mug down so hard on the kitchen counter that the handle came off in my hand. “Shit,” I said, while I grabbed some paper towels and began mopping it up. “You have no clue how much I love Alfie. He’s my world!”

“As long as he’d the one making all the effort,” Jack countered.

“Grr,” I growled, my legs wiggling on the spot in frustration. “What the hell do I need to do? We were doing fine, what changed?” I questioned.

“Nothing, Lily. Nothing changed. People do. You and Alfie don’t appear to be on the same page anymore.

From his perspective, I imagine he thinks that your band is more important than him.

Meanwhile, he has his band, his sometimes wife, his fame and fortune, but his personal life hasn’t grown in the same way his band’s progression has. ”

“His ‘sometimes’ wife?”

“Yeah, you’re only there when he makes time for you.

That can only be sustained for so long before a man becomes lonely…

surely you’re not that na?ve, sweetheart.

You need to take a long hard look at yourself and decide if you are willing to meet him halfway.

If not, I fear although Alfie loves the bones of you, Lily, he may never come back. ”

As Jack read me the riot act regarding my marriage, my stomach began to roll when another sudden wave of nausea took me by surprise. Dashing to the downstairs washroom, I leaned over the toilet bowl, and I hurled its contents up for the third time that evening.

I’d had a few bouts of food poisoning in the past, and this was no different. But a little physical sickness was nothing compared to the mental anguish that had begun to pound in my head from the warning bells in response to everything Jack had said.