Page 79 of Everything After (Everything Trilogy)

LILY

“Huh?” I muttered, exhausted and thirsty as the maternity nurse placed our baby in my arms. She wrapped him in a towel and stepped back.

“I told you he was a boy,” Alfie gushed, proudly repeating what he’d said before, once his words sank in. I stared down at the beautiful baby in my arms and my heart instantly swelled with the love that filled my chest.

“It’s a boy,” I repeated, while the doctor delivered my placenta.

It hadn’t mattered to me either way, what God had given us would be cherished.

I only needed to look at Alfie’s face to know the truth about that.

Once his word sank in that our baby was safely here, a sense of euphoria and elation temporarily overtook.

Any fatigue I’d felt from the relentless hours of pain to give birth was quickly forgotten.

Once the doctor and Carlie had checked me over, Carlie and Dr. Geoffry left us in the room alone.

As I stared down at the beautiful new life in my arms, Alfie gingerly ran the back of his index finger over our baby’s head.

“Jesus, Lily, look what we made. He’s perfect,” he softly stated.

My gaze shifted from our baby, up to my husband’s face and I was surprised to see his beautiful hazel eyes shining with unshed tears.

“We did it,” I said, not even sure what ‘it’ meant. Was it that we’d pushed past how my fidelity and Alfie’s fatherhood had been brought into question? Or that we’d progressed from being a famous power couple to that of loving family?

Perhaps it was that I’d done what I’d believed was right for Alfie, myself and our unborn child in the face of the lack of support from Lennie and Cody.

What came out of all of that was my steadfast determination to do things for the benefit of my family.

Maybe it had taken my accidental pregnancy for me to realize what really mattered to me in this world.

I now knew that as fact—family first, then everything else after that.

Nothing anyone else thought of us mattered right there in that labor room.

My path with Alfie hadn’t always been smooth, but since we’d been at home together, and spent quality time alone, I believed in my heart that he loved me down to his soul. So, whatever ‘it’ was, now felt insignificant as we faced our future.

The fair hair on our baby’s head was unmistakable even through the sticky gunk from the birth.

I parted the towel he’d been wrapped in and placed his still slightly wet body next to my skin.

The moment I did this he nuzzled his head from side to side.

I recognized this from the books I’d read as he was rooting for my breast.

Suddenly, I felt inadequate as a new mom.

For a moment, I stroked his back, as I thought what I should do, and became transfixed by how velvety-soft his skin felt.

Carlie came back into the room just as he began to cry.

A wave of panic tightened my chest, and I glanced up at the maternity nurse. “What do I do?”

“It appears to me he knows instinctively what to do.” She talked me through how to help our baby latch on. I winced the moment he started to suck because I hadn’t expected him to suck so strongly. However, after a few seconds into his feeding, all I felt was a rhythmic, drawing sensation.

“Does this baby have a name yet?” Carlie’s question drew my attention away from watching our baby feed.

“We’d thought Dana if he had been a girl,” I said, shrugging. “I’d bounced a few names to Alfie, but we hadn’t settled on one.”

“I’ve been thinking about that. What if we called him Charlie Dane Black?”

“You’d like our fathers’ names?” I asked, proud that the men who had given us life would be honored.

“Yeah, I would,” he said quietly. Alfie drew up a chair and sat close to the bed.

He grazed our baby’s cheek with the back of his index finger again, looking thoughtful.

“I wish my parents could have seen him,” he disclosed wistfully in a shaky voice.

Tears glistened in his eyes when he looked up from our son to me.

A lump formed in my throat and my own tears fell. “They’d be so proud of you, Alfie. You’re an incredible man. They brought you up well.”

At first, he nodded, then shook his head. “I’m not always good,” he admitted, chuckling. “In fact, there have been times when—”

I reached out and covered his lips with my fingertips. “You are your hardest critic, Alfie Black. No one’s perfect… apart from this little one here,” I said, nodding toward our baby. “But you’re pretty darn close.”

He chuckled. “You said darn, we’ll make an American out of you yet.”

I smiled as I glanced down at our baby again, feeding contentedly in my arms. “America has a new citizen today. That means he could be president one day, right?”

Alfie grimaced. “I’d rather he was the next Jimmy Hendrix.”

“Hey, his first names initials will be CD, a reference to music at least.” I laughed as I stroked our baby’s head, and immediately understood the term, ‘baby soft’ in everything I’d ever heard of.

‘Baby soft fabric conditioner’, ‘baby soft toilet tissue’ and recognized that, feeling a baby felt different to the regular softness in something.

When Charlie dropped off my breast after feeding, I swear he looked drunk, but his mouth continued to suck. “Aww, how cute is that?” I asked, in awe of him. I stared at him like he might give us a glimpse of his personality at any moment.

“Did it hurt?” Alfie asked. I glanced up and he nodded at my breast.

“Breastfeeding? It did initially, but once he was settled it was fine.”

Breastfeeding was a fear I’d had amongst all my irrational thoughts about parenthood during my pregnancy. But it had been a journey where I’d had time to think of the positives that motherhood would bring.

Perhaps all those months a baby grows inside us, gives us women time to work through and adjust some of our fearful thoughts about being a mother and parent. It had been a journey where I’d had time to slow down, and time to think of the positives that motherhood would bring.

By the time my water broke earlier that day, most of my fears about being pregnant, the discord with my band and how I might react to seeing my baby had gone.

The moment Charlie had been placed in my arms, any fears left had evaporated and were replaced by instant feelings of love and an indescribable bond with the small bundle of joy in my arms.

“Do you think I can hold my son now?” Alfie asked as he dried his eyes with the sleeve of his long-sleeved T-shirt.

His question made me realize he hadn’t demanded ownership of our son, like the usual alpha man I knew.

I nodded and carefully wrapped him back up in the towel he’d been in and gingerly passed him into Alfie’s arms.

My heart clenched at the sight of them together. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” I asked.

“Precious.” Alfie swallowed hard and I saw fresh tears in his eyes.

We sat in silence for a long minute while Alfie took in his son.

Eventually, he cleared his throat and sighed.

“I think I’ve been mentally preparing for this moment for a long time.

Life will be different for us with this little one in our lives.

But Lily, I swear I will try to never let you guys down. ”

“Do you know something?” I asked, smiling.

“What?” he asked, his studious eyes serious now.

“I’m glad Jack isn’t here,” I confessed.

“You are?” I chuckled. “I figured with all you guys had been through you secretly had wanted him to keep pushing to be at the birth.”

“God, no. Are you serious? Perhaps I just loved to see that jealous streak that you have whenever he yanks your chain. It reminds me how fiercely you love me.”

“Is that so?”

“It is,” I confessed, chuckling. “But I’m also glad he’s not here because if he had been, I’d never have gotten to see all those true feelings you’ve shown me since we’ve been here.”

“True. I wouldn’t have cried like a softy,” he muttered.

“I love your soft side. Never hide that from me… or our son. I want him to know it’s okay to cry.”

“I won’t. But if you tell anyone how I’ve reacted today, I’ll pull your pants down in public.”

Carlie re-entered the room as I was laughing. “That would be a sight for sore eyes, especially since I don’t know if all my bits are intact,” I said.

Carlie overheard what I said and smiled. “Oh, you breezed through that birth, Lily. No sutures for you today. Now, shall we see how long this little one is and how much he weighs?”