Page 15 of Everything After (Everything Trilogy)
ALFIE
I knew from how quickly Lily moved and turned away from me, that my rant had likely hurt her. That wasn’t my intention when I’d come back to talk, but she’d gone on the attack the moment I’d stepped into the bedroom, and I’d let frustration get the better of me.
I stepped up behind her, and locked eyes with her in the mirror. My heart felt like it was breaking a little more with every sentence we said to each other. “Are you happy, Lily?”
After a sharp intake of breath, she stared me down. “Where has that come from?”
“I asked you a simple question. Are you happy?”
She spun around to face me. “Why would you ask me that? I love you.”
I placed my hands on her shoulders. “I didn’t ask if you loved me. You can love someone and still be miserable,” I replied, holding her confused gaze.
“Do I look miserable to you?” She frowned, stepped back and flicked a hand down her body. On the outside she looked incredible, dressed in her sexy, one-piece outfit that was one of my favorites on her. But I also knew that looks could be deceiving.
“Right now, you look good enough to eat,” I replied dryly, fighting off lusty thoughts and filthy fantasies about peeling off the soft garment under my fingertips and taking my fill of her. “But depression isn’t about how you look, it’s how you feel inside. I’ll ask you again. Are you happy?”
“You think I’m depressed?” she challenged in an incredulous tone.
I scoffed. “How many fights have we had in the past six months?”
Her concerned gaze roamed our bedroom while she thought about my question. When our eyes met again, her brow creased, and she shrugged because she couldn’t deny there had been more than a few. “They were disagreements. Our schedules have been heavy,” she offered in explanation.
“Can you remember any time in the past six months where we’ve met up and haven’t argued?”
Watching Lily’s lips morph into a wry twist told me she couldn’t. “I’m not depressed. Life’s been hectic,” she mumbled, not addressing the question.
“It has, but I’ve always made time for you… always gone out of my way to support you and your career.”
“I don’t like this conversation. It implies I don’t do the same for you.”
“Do you?” I blurted. The moment I asked the question I believed there was no turning back. My heart rate spiked because the time had come for me to get to the bottom of why our relationship didn’t feel equal anymore.
Seeing her jaw drop at my question warned me that she hadn’t considered the sacrifices I’d made to support her. The responsibility for traveling and keeping our relationship alive had fallen to me.
“We manage.” Her response sounded flippant to my ears.
“And you feel us ‘managing’ is enough? After all the trials we’ve been through we should be what’s most important to you, not the band, music or anything else that comes with the job we do.
Music will be there when we’re not. Promoting is part of our lives, but not to the sacrifice of our marriage. ”
“Is this your way of saying that you aren’t happy?” The incredulous tone confirming that she’d never considered this.
“What if I’m not?” I ground out.
“Aren’t you?” she muttered, sounding hurt. Her face almost crumpled, but she quickly schooled her expression.
“No, if I’m honest, I’m not,” I disclosed. I huffed out a breath, infuriated that I’d left our home earlier to avoid our argument from spiraling, yet we’d locked horns anyway. If anything, my few hours away had let my hurt fester, which had only compounded the situation.
“This is about children, right?” she challenged, narrowing her eyes in a studious expression.
Lily’s comment stopped our argument dead. I knew her stance on kids. She wasn’t ready, but the extra years I had on her made me less content about not starting a family.
I’d lost my parents so young, and because of my personal feelings about this I hadn’t wanted the responsibilities of being a parent.
I’d been contented to drift along with our childless marriage.
However, about five years ago I’d begun to consider the joys of fatherhood and family life, especially since I’d seen how Drew and Jack’s children had enriched their lives.
“I’m not going to lie. I do want children, but I respect that you don’t feel ready,” I admitted.
“And each time you tell me that, it makes me feel like I’m depriving you of them,” Lily shot back.
“What do you want me to say? It doesn’t matter?” I challenged, wandering away from her. I removed one of the decorative pillows off our bed, sat down on the mattress and hugged it.
“So, I’m the wicked wife?” she suggested, tossing an arm out in annoyance. “I’m not saying we won’t have children. But I am saying, not now.”
“Fine. Please yourself. I support that. But I’m saying, I’m taking a year off. Hell, I might even take a road trip and see some of our beautiful country, since you’ve already said you’ll be so busy with your band.”
Heat stained her cheeks as she glared furiously toward me. “Fuck you. Go, take your road trip. The break might do us both good.”