Page 28 of Everything After (Everything Trilogy)

LILY

I woke with a start, supported my body on my elbows, and listened intently for Alfie moving around the house. It wasn’t long before the sounds of my pounding heart in my ear took over, the sound pulsing so loud it drowned out everything else.

Climbing out of bed, I hurried to find him, first I opened the door of the suite he’d chosen to sleep in before I’d gotten sick. Panic set in when he wasn’t there and as I frantically ran through the empty house, my fears realized when I saw his trusted guitar was gone.

Rushing back upstairs I looked first toward the dock and felt relieved when I saw that our speedboat was still docked.

Running back upstairs, I picked up my cell phone and tried to call him, hoping he was still outside on the grounds somewhere.

As it went to his messaging service, I cut the call and hit one of the other numbers I had stored on speed dial.

“Ronnie, did you pick Alfie up this morning?” I asked, noting the anxiety in my tone.

“Grant did. Did you need something?” Ronnie asked.

A wave of distress washed over me because I had missed a vital opportunity to say all I’d wanted to say. “Erm… no, I just wasn’t sure if he’d left yet,” I responded, fighting back tears.

I ended the call and immediately called Jack. “I’m struggling,” I said the moment he’d answered his phone.

“Is this about Alfie? He still didn’t come back?” Jack asked, sounding irritated. I loved the relationship Jack and I had. We could go weeks without talking and pick right up where we’d left off without the need for catch ups or explanations.

“I’m so disappointed. He called yesterday and asked me out to dinner. Lennie and Rick were visiting here, so Alfie came over instead. After the boys left, I thought Alfie and I would have the chance to talk things over but—”

“But what?” he asked, interrupting me. “Tell me you at least told him you’d be devastated to lose him? That you’ll do what it takes to make him number one from now on? That—”

“No… I mean we didn’t really get to that,” I said, interrupting him. “We spoke a little, but his temper was short, and he cut the conversation and went to bed. I’ve just… never seen him like this before.”

“He must be hurting badly if he acted coldly toward you.” Jack’s harsh words felt like a slap in the face. Jack and Elle appeared to be siding with Alfie, which made me feel misunderstood. I loved Alfie, and without him I felt lost.

“Tell me what to do. I feel like I’m being punished for having a successful career,” I yelled, my emotions instantly swamping me as I burst into tears.

“Lily, stop acting dense. Alfie’s shown you nothing but support in your choices.

But you’re a smart girl, and you know Alfie’s right.

You need to talk to your band. The guys need to know you need to prioritize your life with Alfie if you are to save your marriage.

It’s no good just saying you love him. Show Alfie you’ll do whatever it takes…

and mean it. Back your words up with actions. ”

“Maybe he’s tired of me… do you think this is his way out? That no matter what I do it won’t be enough?” I asked in despair.

“Fuck. No. You’re panicking and not listening.

The solution is simple. Alfie comes first. Your band and management need to be aware that the opportunities they are accepting are causing you and Alfie to drift.

They need to understand what those tight schedules are doing to you and your marriage.

I bet Lennie doesn’t have the same issue with his relationships.

He’s managing the schedule with the record label.

What’s the bet that he’s arranging your time away around Rick and Coral’s schedules? ”

I considered his point and nodded. “There’s something else,” I confessed.

“Something else?” he asked, sounding intrigued.

“I’m pregnant, Jack,” I mumbled as I climbed the steps to the house and went inside.

“You’re what?” he shrieked excitedly. “Seriously? You’re having a baby?” I imagined him jumping for joy and wished I’d felt the same.

“I guess that’s what pregnant means,” I muttered flatly.

“Tell me it’s Alfie’s,” Jack blurted, like he’d suddenly imagined another reason for Alfie not being with me.

“What do you take me for? Of course it’s Alfie’s. Who else’s baby would it be?”

“Well, I can think of one that would happily step into Alfie’s shoes.” I knew he meant Cody.

My body tensed up in frustration because Cody’s fascination with me wasn’t something I’d welcomed. When I stayed silent Jack knew he had gone too far.

“What’s Alfie saying about being a dad? He must at least be stoked about that,” Jack said, before calling for his wife. “Mya, you’re not going to believe this, but Lily’s pregnant.”

“Wow, I didn’t know she was trying,” she called back. Hurried footsteps grew louder and then she was on the line. “Congratulations, Lily. At last, you’ll smell of the same baby spit as the rest of us now,” Mya teased.

“Okay, this is my call,” Jack told her. “Shoo.” I heard her admonish him and walk away.

Turning his attention back to me, he said, “Lily, this changes everything. Alfie would never dream of leaving you now. How did he react when you told him?” When I remained silent, he probed. “You have told him, right, Lily?”

“He left again before I had the chance,” I muttered, feeling like I’d failed Alfie, myself and the baby.

“When did you find out you were pregnant?”

“Around a couple of weeks ago… right after he’d left me.”

“Holy shit. Weeks? And he still doesn’t know?

Believe me, you’re not helping yourself.

What the fuck is wrong with you? I get that your hormones are likely all over the place now, but you need to wake the fuck up, girlfriend.

It’s bad form that I know before he does.

Believe me, if Mya had told you or anyone else before she’d given that news to me, I’d have been furious.

May I remind you how I felt when I found out about Ava-Jacqueline from Rosie. ”

I remembered how hurt Jack was when his deceased ex-girlfriend Rosie kept his daughter’s birth a secret from Jack. And how furious he’d been with me for keeping her secret like she’d asked.

I shrugged. “Tell me about it, I know I’m an epic failure when it comes to this stuff.”

“Now you’re excusing yourself. Those guys have treated you too well, but you don’t fool me. You can’t kid a kidder. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

“And one of the most stupid not to realize how Alfie felt about us drifting apart in the first place,” I countered.

“I won’t argue with that,” Jack muttered. “You need to put this right, Lily. And everything else. If you lose the band because of the baby, it’s meant to be, but I have confidence in those guys. They’ll do whatever you want to keep you.”

“And Alfie?” I inquired, needing to hear something positive.

“You need to tell him about the baby—today, Lily. I can’t believe you fucked up like that. And let me tell you, he’s going to be pissed that you kept this from him.”

“I know he deserves to know, but I don’t want him back for the baby’s sake. That’s like trapping him to stay married to me, when he’s clearly unsure that I’m what he wants anymore. And he knows I’m not ready for babies.”

“Who the hell are you right now? Are you so single-minded about your music and conditioned by the band that you can’t see what’s most important? I used to be proud to be your friend. Lately, I’m wondering where that girl went.”

“Is that so?” I retorted.

“Ready or not, you’re going to be a mum. Your husband still wants you. It’s the shitty, nomadic lifestyle he’s had enough of. To be frank, if I were in your shoes and Mya asked me to be more present in her life, I’d do whatever that took. Nothing is more important than her and the kids.”

“It’s not as simple as that. I’m one of two singers in a rock band. When people pay money, they expect to see all of us, not just me or Cody.”

“So giving your fans what they expect comes before what Alfie should expect from his wife? Like I said, if you want to resolve this, talk to your band. It would appear you’ll be taking time off to have that baby anyway. Maybe this unexpected pregnancy will turn out to be a blessing in disguise.”

I fell silent, knowing I should be grateful to be having a baby with a wonderful man, but with all the uncertainty about Alfie’s feelings, I didn’t know how to bring the topic up while he was here.

I’d even considered not telling him about the baby until he had made up his mind because I wanted him to stay because of us, not because he was about to be a father.