Page 16 of Everything After (Everything Trilogy)

LILY

I stood stunned at my outburst while Alfie’s usually bright hazel eyes blazed in temper. Time stood still between us, until he broke the silence.

“Fuck it. There’s no point in trying to reason with you. And since you didn’t outright answer my question, I don’t think you’re happy,” he stated. He stood up, brushed past me and headed into his walk-in closet.

“Not happy with what?” I asked, following him but stopping at the threshold of his closet. “Why are you insisting I’m not happy.”

“Because you don’t behave as if you are. What will it take to put me first, Lily? Don’t tell me it’s the band because you guys don’t need to try so hard anymore. You’ve made it… or do those platinum discs on the wall in our music studio in the basement mean nothing to you?”

Lifting his leather weekend bag, he walked toward me. I stepped aside to let him pass and he dumped it on our bed.

My chest tightened in panic. “What are you doing?”

“Taking that trip you sanctioned,” he snapped. “You’re right. I love you, but I’m tired of fighting. Life shouldn’t be this hard.” Alfie moved over to a tall dresser, scooped a pile of neatly folded T-shirts from a drawer, and placed them on the bed.

“It’s not hard, it’s just… busy?” I suggested as panic rose in my chest as I fought back a hysterical feeling and took a deep breath.

“Busy for you, it’s not for me. I’m taking a break, remember?” he ground out while he strode back into his closet and returned with several pairs of jeans. Placing everything together in one pile he stuffed it all into his bag.

The more clothes he added, the more panicked I became, but I was so furious at him telling me how I felt, that I couldn’t allow myself to beg him to stop. But I couldn’t just let him walk out either.

“Okay, let’s take this down a notch. I’m sorry I told you to go. I didn’t mean it,” I reasoned, waving my hands, palms upward in a placating motion.

“Maybe so, but life does feel hard right now. Time apart is what we both need, to see where our future is going. As my need to see you outweighs your need to make time for me, I think we should perhaps test that out.”

Panic filled my chest, making it harder to breathe as I stood speechless. My mind went blank while I stared at the love of my life, packing to leave me. Once I came to my senses I rushed forward, wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest.

“Please, Alfie. Don’t go,” I choked out past a huge lump that had formed in my throat.

My eyes swam with tears as he took my head in his hands, lifted it away, and tilted my face skyward to see me.

“Baby, I think we’ve got to be honest with each other,” he muttered, swiping my tears away with his thumbs.

“Lately, I’ve felt as if I’ve had a constant knot in my chest and a lead weight in my stomach.

That’s no good for any man. That tells me this break from the band has come at the right time. ”

“But…” I began to protest, but I couldn’t find words to express how to make him stop what he was doing. To try to make him see sense in all this, and to make him understand how much I loved him.

“Seeing how you push yourself beyond what is necessary for your career is pissing me off.” I confessed. “I’m not leaving you… least I don’t think I am. I’m taking a break from everything that’s stressing me.”

“Including me,” I snapped, barely containing my hysteria.

The sadness in his eyes and etched on his face was breaking my heart.

However, I knew Alfie well enough to see from his jerky movements and the way his jaw clenched that no amount of persuasion was going to change the outcome of this.

Alfie was leaving our home for now, and I was the one to blame.