Page 75 of Everything After (Everything Trilogy)

LILY

To Alfie’s credit, he tried hard to hide how delighted he was about my decision to step back for now.

It made me realize how often he’d likely had to suppress his feelings, wants and desires to support mine.

Most of all, it made me recognize that for the first time in our married life, I wanted what he wanted too.

Why had I felt it a struggle to be taken seriously by my band? Perhaps it was because I hadn’t been part of their original line-up and had gained the opportunity because the previous female co-lead singer had left.

Then I told myself that XrAid hadn’t found fame back then, so maybe my contribution by joining the band had helped to make a difference.

“I’m going to call Shawn and Digs. They deserve a heads up before my statement is made public,” I explained as I scrolled for Digs’ number on my cell phone screen.

“Sup, darlin’,” Digs quipped the moment he answered the phone.

I explained my position and he was horrified at what Cody had done.

“Jesus, I’m sorry. I had no idea you were going through this.

I haven’t been on my socials, and no one has hit me up about anything.

I bet Shawn doesn’t know what’s gone down either. He’d have been first to call me.”

“I’m sorry to let you down with the album and everything—”

“Girl, Lennie and Cody have been riding your ass for years. Okay, that was a poor choice of words, given the current circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, Lennie’s a great organizer and he’s chased some great opportunities for us, but it was mostly due to Alfie that our band got a break.”

“Lennie does have Rick as a dragon in his corner,” I reminded him.

“I agree, but he didn’t get with him until long after Alfie’s influence helped broker that deal with his band. Your guy pressing Rick to share their opening spots with us was what got XrAid’s name out there more. Cobham Street used to be bigger than Crakt Soundzz but not now.”

“I feel guilty letting you and Shawn down,” I admitted.

“Don’t. Lennie and Cody brought this on themselves. I don’t blame you for needing some time to regroup. It might do them good to see they can no longer control you.”

Relief came in a wave, and I slowly sat down on the sofa. “You mean that? Do you think they controlled me too?”

“Sure, sometimes I did. Don’t worry about us. What’s the worst that can happen?”

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “If I’m going to ground, remember, you’re welcome over here anytime. Don’t be a stranger.”

“Oh, I won’t be,” he replied with a smile in his voice.

“And Lily… don’t sweat it. XrAid has been through this before with a female co-lead.

Personally, I’ve often wondered why you’ve never struck out on your own.

You don’t need us to have a music career.

” Hearing Digs sanctioning the move I was making meant the world to me.

I then called Shawn and filled him in on everything Digs and I had spoken about. He was equally supportive and told me to do what I thought was best for me.

I was surprised about the sense of calm that settled within me once Joanne finished the recording of my statement for the press.

Everything had moved so fast from the moment I’d blown up at Lennie.

It had been an angry, gut reaction, but once I’d let my feelings be known, I felt as if I could breathe deeply for the first time in months.

Within minutes of my statement being made public, both my cell phone and Alfie’s exploded with calls from my bandmates, Alfie’s bandmates and many of our friends.

“Stay. Take these,” Alfie said to Joanne, handing over both of our cell phones. “This may take some time so perhaps make arrangements to stay here tonight.”

“I’d better head back,” John advised us, packing a manilla folder full of papers back into his briefcase. “I’ll check back tomorrow to see how the land lies. Any issues beforehand, you know how to reach me.”

Alfie and I walked John to the boat, where Ronnie had sat patiently waiting to take him back to the mainland.

John pecked me on the cheek and shook Alfie’s hand. “Take care of her,” he said as he climbed on the boat. Ronnie fired up the engine and they sped away from the dock, leaving us alone.

Alfie put his arm around me, pulled me in close to his side and steered me toward the house. “I’m proud of you for making a stand.”

“You know, I feel…” I shrugged, then shook my head. “Nothing. My brain tells me I should feel frightened that I’d made such a huge decision on the spot, but I don’t. In fact, I think this is the most contented I’ve felt for the first time in years.”

“It’s a brave thing you’re doing because I know how much your music means to you.”

I nodded. “It does, but right now, I think what’s meant to be, will be. Who knows, they could vote me out,” I suggested.

“I don’t think it will come to that,” Alfie argued.

“I might decide not to stay in the band,” I mused.

“You suggested that earlier. You’re seriously thinking about leaving? Whatever would you do?”

I shrugged and glanced up at him. “Be a mum. Sing on the weekends? Travel with you and the baby?” I suggested. The idea of that suddenly appealed more than it should. For years I’d fought for independence to make decisions… in fact, I’d done that ever since I’d met Alfie.

“My heart leapt at the thought that you would do that. But before my imagination began to rip through a hundred idyllic scenarios where I had you and our son with me every day, I reminded myself, I’d never want you to give up what you have going on with your band to live my dream,” he said.

It was the measured response I’d heard from him for years, and I believed he’d always put my needs before his own. “I know that, and I’m grateful you never have. But this would be my choice… something I’d do for me… for all of us.”

“All of us?” he probed, his eyes narrowing in confusion.

“For our family… and for the guys in the band. I don’t know that I can move forward with them anymore... not after this.”

“Then you don’t need permission to do what you want. But I won’t be responsible for ending your career.”

“Who said anything about ending my music career? Digs is right. I could strike out on my own.”

“Solo artist?” he asked, surprised because I’d always wanted to be in a band.

“Most of the Spice Girls did it, Michael Jackson… Zayn and Harry, in fact all the guys from One Direction. Every one of them were band members first.

“True. It’s something to think about, and now you’ve stepped back, you have time to consider your options.”

“I do.” I smiled, excited by the thought that Alfie hadn’t dismissed my suggestion.

Given that my body was riddled with a series of complex emotional states, likely due to my fluctuating hormones, there had been times when I’d considered whether I’d acted in haste with my thoughts on the band.

Then at other times the balance would tip and I’d feel more surefooted about leaving XrAid.

Of course, Lennie was furious with my decision and called daily, calls that I refused to take because I didn’t want to be persuaded to do something that I’d later regret.

“It’s Lennie again,” Alfie muttered, gesturing his cell phone in my direction. “Can I take it?” he asked in frustration when Lennie had resorted to calling his phone when I wouldn’t answer mine.

I sighed and dropped the paperback I was reading onto my lap and nodded. It had been five days since I’d released my statement, and the first time we’d spoken to any of my band.

Alfie put his phone on speaker. “Can I speak to Lily?” Lennie asked as soon as my husband answered.

“My phone,” Alfie reminded him. “If she’s not answering hers, then I guess that answer is no.”

“This is crazy,” Lennie muttered, sounding frustrated.

Alfie lifted a brow like he was surprised by Lennie’s remark.

“Dude, you fucked up. Cody fucked up. If I’m honest, my wife feels betrayed…

in my view she has been betrayed. Lily had you on a pedestal, and you blew it.

I’ve sat on my hands for years when I should have interjected about the way you’ve orchestrated those schedules.

You left her next to no family time, which incidentally almost cost her our marriage. ”

“Marriage? What are you talking about?”

“I left Lily… right after our last tours finished. I’d had enough of the scarce time we had together, which was whenever Crakt Soundzz’ plans allowed us to catch up.

Lily’s such a professional, she kept that fact from you guys.

However, once I suggested that you were managing the schedules to suit your downtime with Rick and Coral, she woke up to what you’d been doing.

You almost cost her everything because she went along with you controling everything. ”

“I-I can’t believe that—”

“It doesn’t matter what you believe,” I said, interrupting him. “We’ve worked it out, but I guess the way you reacted to her being pregnant helped her see what was going on. It’s a pity, because of all the guys in XrAid, you were the one she thought she could trust the most.”

“She can trust me. All I did was speak the truth about her being pregnant. She should have told me when she found out.”

“Why? Who are you to decide when a woman should share something that’s happening to her body?”

“That’s not what I mean. I was busy scheduling stuff. We have obligations.”

“Obligations you’ll be trying to fulfill without Lily now. So, who’s fault is that?”

“I still need to talk to her,” he insisted.

“And you will… in time. She needs time to process her thoughts and take a more leisurely look at her options.”

“What options?” Lennie asked, sounding alarmed.

I bit back a grin even though he couldn’t see me. “If she stays or goes.”

“Leave the band?” he shrieked.

“You saw how pissed she is about that stuff with Cody. That coupled with how you treated her has created a perfect storm between you guys and the band. Digs and Shawn had the right reaction to Lily’s news.

They’re good guys… and they’ve proven they had her back.

Anyway, I need to go to spend time with her now. ”

I hung up and hunched my shoulders like I’d been a naughty schoolboy. “He’s pissed, but our call has given him a lot to think about.”

No sooner where the words out of my mouth than my cell phone rang again.

“Oh, there’s a surprise,” I remarked sarcastically, while it continued to ring.

“He’s calling back?” she asked confused.

“Nooo,” I drew out. “I think Lennie knows not to call back after our conversation. I’ll give you one guess who it is.”

“Cody?”

I chuckled. “Hardly, if he knows what’s good for him. No, Lily, it’s Lennie’s keeper—Rick.”