Page 98 of Ensnared by the Pack: The Complete Series (Destined Realms #3)

AUDREY

I woke groggy and sore and strangely at peace. Warmth radiated around my heart and every breath was filled with the comforting scent of wood smoke.

For some reason, I was outside on a soft mattress bundled in blankets that smelled smoky like Knox, but I couldn’t figure out why. In front of me, I could see French doors that looked a lot like the doors in my suite, but it was too dark — the sky barely lightening with dawn — for me to tell if I was actually on the patio outside my suite or not.

Behind me, something big and heavy and warm pressed against my back, like how Bishop used to curl around me when we cuddled around the campfire, but there weren’t any arms around me so it couldn’t have been a person, and I was too woozy to bother moving to see what it actually was. I just wanted to lie there, wrapped in the warmth, feeling safe.

But the memories flooded in.

The fear and rage of Knox’s emotions through our mate bond as his wolf tried to consume the human half of his soul. The terror when I’d fallen into the arena and he’d charged at me, and my relief when his wolf finally released him. Then Cyrus had yelled at me, shown who he really was, and proven I wasn’t safe in Stonehaven. I wasn’t safe anywhere.

Except was that really true?

Cyrus had been gruff and looked down on me for not being able to do much of anything, but he’d never been cruel. Even when he’d been yelling at me, I’d seen the worry in his eyes… I just hadn’t realized I’d seen it at the time.

I’d been so focused on the similarities between him and Merrick when Merrick had first taken me in, and I’d been scared that my nightmares had been right, that the guys were using me, that I should be ashamed for how I’d behaved during my heat. That I was worthless and trapped.

My throat tightened, the fear and shame swelling and threatening to strangle me.

I thought I was stronger than that, that I could wait and plan and stay unnoticed. I thought things had finally changed.

No. They had changed.

Without the pressure of Knox’s emotions and being exhausted from traveling for close to a month, the bleakness that had overwhelmed me when Cyrus had yelled at me was gone. How could I have thought Bishop was using me?

Because I’d trusted the false mating call and believed Royce would love me. I couldn’t trust my own judgment. I was too easily tricked and manipulated.

No.

I squeezed my eyes shut and sucked in more deep breaths of Knox’s comforting scent.

I’d been manipulated because of magic. No one would have suspected Royce and Sterling would have hired a witch to fake a mating call. No one would have suspected anyone of doing that.

I could trust Bishop, and even though Knox had really hurt me when he rejected me, the bond was sealed. I could trust him. Even if we weren’t in love now, we would be… eventually. The bond would see to that. It didn’t matter if I feared that he couldn’t possibly love me. That fear was wrong. He’d said he’d try with us and I believed him… or did I just want to believe him?

Gah! This was so frustrating.

I. Could. Trust. Them.

Neither Bishop nor Knox were psychopaths. Cyrus wasn’t one, either. Everything Cyrus did was to protect his pack. Knox had already hurt him, Deacon, and Bishop and was on the verge of completely losing his humanity. Even I’d feared that he was going to hurt me when I’d fallen into the arena.

Except even if Cyrus had been rightly afraid for me, that didn’t negate what he’d said afterward. People said what lay deep in their hearts when they finally snapped, and Cyrus had looked like he’d completely snapped. He’d meant it when he told me I couldn’t just do what I wanted, that I needed to remember my place.

He might not be cruel like Merrick, but he was still an alpha, and somewhere during our trip north I’d forgotten that, forgotten how I was supposed to behave. Even if he and his brothers hadn’t cared while we’d been alone, we were back in the pack and I was the newest weakest member. My place was to be seen, not heard, and obey commands from my superiors — which included everyone in the pack.

I couldn’t let my guard down around anyone until they’d proven without a doubt that I could trust them and that I was safe with them. Which meant for the time being, I could only relax around Knox and Bishop.

The realization about my safety, or lack thereof, made my thoughts jump back to Sterling and how he’d tortured me for half of my life. Even in my nightmares, I hadn’t been able to escape him.

Was he always going to be stuck in my mind?

I hadn’t dreamed of him when I’d first arrived in this realm. Instead, I’d had intense sexual dreams of Knox. But after the spell to break our bond had failed, my dreams of Knox had turned into nightmares of Sterling.

My thoughts stuttered. His words at the end of my latest nightmare, just before I woken and realized I’d cut myself over and over again with a broken bottle, shuddered through me.

The sacrifice is now complete.

That was what he’d wanted all along. My only use for him as a member of his pack and as a person was to feed a monster and make him more powerful.

Except I wasn’t dead.

Had I somehow screwed up his plans by surviving that horrible night when I’d escaped into this realm?

I’d thought when I’d confronted him at the rip and his skin had turned red and ghostly ram’s horns had appeared at his temples just like the monster that had tried to eat me, that he’d gotten the power he’d wanted. But maybe I was wrong.

The monster had eaten Merrick, but he hadn’t been the one whose incomplete mating bond had been used to power the spell.

That thought made my lips twitch with a vicious smile. Weak little me might have fucked up Sterling’s plans.

But my smile quickly slipped away with a new horrible realization.

If my nightmares were more than nightmares — and a big part of me felt that they were — then Sterling wasn’t done with me.

I’d thought I was safe from him in this realm, that the rip was gone or too small for him to get to me, but what if I was wrong?

I might have been in a different realm when he’d used his alpha power through the rip to control me, but my dreams were different from standing within sight of him. I hadn’t even been close to the rip. It was over a day away in Anakar.

Except he’d been able to control Tzanagoth’s spirits, creating those flying snake things to attack us. He had powers he’d never had before and there was no telling what else he could do. He could have used them to make me dream and think those horrible things in an attempt to kill myself and finish his ritual.

The heavy pillow behind me huffed and hot breath washed over the back of my neck.

Oh, shit. Not a pillow. I’m in bed with someone.

The panic of being in bed with a stranger squeezed my chest, and I lurched onto my back to stare into the dark brown, green-flecked eyes of an enormous black wolf.

Knox.

He nuzzled my throat, his wet nose cold against my skin and my sudden panic vanished, leaving me achy and exhausted from my ordeal. With a whimper, I rolled closer and dug my fingers into his soft fur.

I still wanted to be mad at him for hurting me when he rejected our bond, and I was determined to keep my word and make him beg for my forgiveness, but I also needed to be comforted by my mate. I was scared that Sterling could still get to me, and with Knox — just like with Bishop — my soul felt steadier, stronger.

With him, as conflicted as I was, I felt safe.

But was I? If Sterling was in my head making me dream things— hell, making me think things, I wasn’t safe anywhere.

It wasn’t you, he said, his mental voice gruff. But it wasn’t gruff with anger. It was gruff with worry. And the second I realized that, I could feel his concern seeping through the bond.

“It was Sterling,” I told him.

Yes. He sighed, his relief breezing through me that I realized the truth and wasn’t still trying to kill myself. He was influencing you through a magical connection. Then he drew back to look me in the eyes. May I hold you?

Ahhh…?

“You’re my mate. Aaaand we’re already lying in a bed together.” Except he wasn’t in his human form which put a certain amount of distance between us.

You needed me to help you heal, he said, as if that explained why we were in a bed, outside… which it sort of did. At least the “in bed together” part. Just not the “outside” part.

But I— His gaze shifted to the edge of the hedges, but I couldn’t tell if it was because he’d heard something or couldn’t maintain eye contact. I didn’t know if you’d want me to hold you.

I do, I said, my voice not nearly as strong as I wanted it to be. I needed him and I wasn’t going to think too hard about it. “I’m still upset at you, but I—” Now it was my turn to look away. “Sterling is in my head. I’m afraid I’m never going to be free of him.”

Knox shifted into his human form, revealing his lean-muscled, sculpted body before sliding under the blankets with me and pulling me to his chest.

“Whil couldn’t break the connection, but she did block it.”

“So I’m safe?” I asked, shivering at the feel of his body pressed against mine.

“Yes,” he replied, but I could feel his hesitation through our mating bond.

“It’s not just yes, is it?”

He frowned. “So you can feel my emotions, too. It’s not just me?” he asked instead.

“It’s not just you and don’t change the subject.” I didn’t want to make demands of an alpha. I couldn’t force him to tell me anything even if I was his mate, but I needed to know what he wasn’t telling me. “I need to know.”

“Whil will need to regularly reinforce the block,” he said.

“How regularly?” And for how long?

Except I had a feeling I already knew. It was going to be for however long Sterling or I lived.

“She doesn’t know. But it’s not a mating or soul bond in any way. There will be ways to break it,” he replied, tightening his grip around me.

“Swell.” I felt like I was back where I started a month ago, with a connection I needed to break and no easy way to do it… because if there was an easy way, Whil would have done it already.

“I promise,” Knox said, his grip around me tightening as if he could keep me safe from my own head by just holding me tighter. “You’ll be free of him even if I have to find a way to your realm and kill him.”

A surge of violent determination swept through the bond. Yeah, a part of me wanted to go back to watch that, but according to everything Whil and Bishop had told me, returning to my realm was impossible.

“Whil is confident you can have a normal life,” Knox insisted. “Do what you want… with who you want.”

A shiver of desire swept down my spine and Knox groaned, reminding me that we could feel each other’s emotions.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, embarrassment heating my cheeks.

“You don’t apologize,” he growled. “ I apologize.”

He brushed his lips against my jaw, the tenderness of his touch surprising and feeding the warmth of our shifter connection around my heart. With the exception of when we were huddling together for warmth after he’d rescued me from the flash flood, all my interactions with Knox — at least all that I could remember — were brusque, distant, or angry.

Nothing between us had been tender like it was between me and Bishop. Even the Knox in my dreams had been wild and ferocious. And while Bishop and Knox were identical twins with only a few subtle differences to tell them apart, I knew in my soul Knox was the one kissing me, not Bishop.

Except now that I focused on his kiss, it felt less tender and compassionate and more careful, as if he were afraid of hurting me… or me rejecting him.