Page 44 of Duty and Desire

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Gio

I kept glancing at my phone, checking for messages.

He must have read it by now.

And if he had, and there were no messages from him, that could mean one thing.

Nick knew I was right, and he was letting me go.

That was what I wanted, right?

That was what I’d written, after all.

Then why did my chest ache like a bastard, and my eyes feel as though I was fighting back tears with every passing minute?

I was already rethinking the letter. Did I have the right to make that decision for Nick? Should I have waited and shared my feelings with him, instead of cutting and running?

Too late now.

I glanced at the screen a few feet away. My train was due in about ten minutes.

I guess we ran out of time .

“Excuse me, sir.” A station official stood in front of me. “You’re waiting for the Zurich train?” I nodded, and he extended a hand. “Could I see your identification, please?”

“You want to see my ID, not my ticket?”

He flashed a polite smile. “Yes, please.”

I reached into the inside pocket of my jacket and handed him my passport. He opened it, perused it for a moment, then gave it back. “Could I ask you to step into the station master’s office for a moment?”

I blinked. “Now? But my train will be here at any minute.” I replaced it in my pocket.

“I’m afraid I must insist.”

With a heavy sigh, I picked up my bags and followed him along the busy platform. It was only then I noticed there was an atmosphere, a buzz in the air, excited chatter and rumbles of conversation.

Obviously something was going on.

Of course there is, you idiot. They’ve just found out their king is gay.

When we reached the office, the official pushed the door open and ushered me inside.

“Is there a problem? Because—” The words died in my throat.

Nick was standing there, alone.

Oh God.

My brain seemed to have stopped working, because my mind went blank, unable to compute. My mouth fell open, and my throat tightened. Without thinking I dropped my bags to the floor.

His lips twitched. “This is a first.”

I blinked. “What is?”

“You, speechless.” He took a step toward me, and my heart thumped. When he made no move to touch me, I knew all was not well.

Of course it wasn’t. I’d run out on him.

But he’s here, isn’t he? That must mean something .

Then I saw my letter in his hand, and my stomach clenched.

Nick held it up. “You said in this that you loved me. Why, then, would you run, choosing this way to tell me? Why not say it all to my face?”

“I had my reasons.”

“Then share them. Because I need to know.”

Where to begin?

I took a deep breath. “If I’d stayed, you might have been swayed into making a decision that wasn’t in your best interests.

I didn’t want you to choose me out of love, and then have that decision lead to regret, ruin, or conflict later.

I had to spare you from that.” I swallowed.

“Putting distance between us was the only way to allow you to make whatever hard decisions were necessary for your future, without outside influence— my influence.”

He pursed his lips. “That’s one reason, I suppose. Now give me another.”

My heart quaked. “I felt guilty for putting you in the position of choosing between love and duty. If I’d stayed, if I’d talked about my feelings, that would only have made your burden even heavier.

I had no right to ask you to make such a choice, and I ran, because I couldn’t face that guilt.

” I shivered. “Ultimately, I believed my presence in the palace could make you unhappy. I’d be too much of a distraction, causing you to struggle constantly between love and duty.

By leaving this way, I was protecting you from a more painful or prolonged internal conflict in the future. ”

Nick regarded me in silence, and as the seconds ticked by, I longed to know what he was thinking. When I couldn’t stand it a moment longer, I blurted, “I don’t know what else I can tell you.”

“I think you’ve stated your case most eloquently. Now let me tell you something.” Then he smiled, and it was as if someone flipped a switch inside me, allowing all the tension to bleed from me. “I’m not going to marry Karoline.”

My jaw went slack, and I was robbed of all speech.

Thank God .

Nick took another step toward me. “And I’m here to ask you not to leave, but to stay and share my life.” His voice was as I remembered, low and lilting.

Then his words sank in.

The ringing in my ears drowned out the platform announcement of my train’s arrival.

“But we can’t,” I protested. “You’re the King.”

He arched his eyebrows. “Then surely I’m allowed to choose who I love. And maybe I don’t want to be King. Not if it means I lose you.”

I was paralyzed. “No. I can’t let you do that. You can’t give up your throne because of me.”

“Then the alternative is you becoming my consort.”

Consort ?

I gaped at him. “Nick, you’re …you’re really messing with my head.”

Another smile filled me with warmth.

With hope.

“You don’t think you’re up to the task, is that it?

Suffering from fears of inadequacy?” He gave me a rueful glance.

“I understand those more than you know. But I believe in you. I think you can do it. Maybe you should see it as a challenge.” He pointed toward the platform.

“Out there are subjects who struggle to be accepted. They’ve been in hiding, just as I was, but I have to believe they want to be seen—just as I do. ”

In that moment he sounded every inch a king, regal, with a wisdom older than his years.

Nick took my hands in his. “I want to be their king. To stand with them. And yes, I truly considered stepping down. I’m sure there must be a cousin somewhere who would jump at the chance to sit on the throne.

” His expression grew serious. “But that’s the coward’s way.

I’m not going to run away again. And I want you at my side, as my consort. ”

I searched for the right words.

“Let’s assume for the moment that a miracle occurs, and your subjects declare themselves happy to have a gay King. I don’t think they’d be so happy about their king having a commoner for a consort.”

Nick smiled. “A commoner? With a name like Colonna?”

I stared at him, my mind racing. “What?”

“Last night I did some research. Did you know, for instance, that the Italian Republic abolished legal recognition of noble titles in 1946?”

I blinked again. “If I did, I’ve forgotten it.” Then I frowned. “Where are you going with this?”

Nick grinned. “I looked you up. The Colonna family is one of the oldest noble families in Rome, with roots going back to the eleventh century.”

Wait a minute…

“That sounds like something my nonna used to tell me when I was a little kid. I thought it was just a story to keep me quiet.”

Nick nodded. “So I wouldn’t be marrying a commoner after all.”

Time stood still.

My stomach fluttered. “Did you just propose to me?”

He beamed. “Why yes, I suppose I did. And don’t ask me to get down on one knee. Franz would have a fit.” He hollered toward the door. “You are out there, aren’t you, Franz?”

“Yes, Your Majesty. I’m making sure no one interrupts you. And yes, I would have a fit, so don’t even think about it.”

Despite the multitude of thoughts swarming so fast that I couldn’t keep up with them, I laughed.

Nick closed the gap between us, enfolding me in his arms. “Marry me, Giovanni Colonna?”

I grabbed hold of my last remnants of logical thought. “Can I keep on writing?”

He chuckled. “Of course, but you’re going to be busy. You’re going to help me reshape my country.” He smiled. “And you can definitely write about that.”

I cradled his face in my hands and kissed him on his forehead, cheeks, nose and finally his lips.

“Yes, I’ll marry you, Nikolaus,” I whispered.

Nick let out a low growl. “As long as you promise to always call me Nick.”

The quiet that followed was shattered by the loud grumbling of a train pulling in.

Nick glanced toward the door. “I guess you won’t be going to San Francisco just yet.”

I kissed him again. “You guess right. Who knows? If I stay here long enough, I might even get to feel as though I belong, instead of an outsider.”

A man could hope, right?

“Let’s take you and your bags back to the palace.”

I chuckled. “The moment you step out of this office, you’re going to be noticed, you know that, don’t you?”

“Then Franz will have to carve a way through the crowd if we’re going to get out of here.”

I picked up my bags, and Franz opened the door for us.

“It is them,” a shout went up. All at once we were surrounded by a crowd that swelled in size until no one could move on the platform. People of all ages, all smiling, cheering…

Nick glanced at me, open-mouthed, and I shrugged.

Then I heard what the people were saying, and my heart soared. Franz attempted to push them out of our way, and I stopped him. “Let them speak,” I urged.

Two men pushed their way to the front of the crowd.

“Your Majesty,” one of them began, his face flushed.

“We walked here today holding hands, a thing we’ve never done before.

And I know that sounds like such a stupid thing to tell you, but when we saw the article about you and—” He glanced at me, his eyes bright.

“And Mr. Colonna…” He swallowed. “Then we heard the news, that you’re not going to marry the princess… It is true?”

Oh God, the hope in his eyes. In all their eyes.

I met Nick’s stunned gaze, and I laced our fingers. He glanced at our joined hands and raised his head, his smile radiant. “Yes, it’s true.”

And then I saw the rainbow pins. They were everywhere, on lapels, on bags, hats, around necks… I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

“God bless His Majesty!” Someone shouted near the back of the crowd, and their call echoed, louder and louder, until it was all I could hear. Flushed faces, beaming smiles, applause, whoops, fists thrust into the air…

Nick’s eyes glistened, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Franz tugged at his arm. “We need to get out of here, Your Majesty.” Nick nodded, and Franz gestured to the people around us. “Clear a path, please.”

When they parted, I laughed. “I’m going to call you Moses from now on.”

We hurried to the car, followed by a smaller crowd, still cheering. We got into the back, and Franz pulled away from the curb.

Nick stared at me, his eyes huge. “I would never have believed it. I assumed the people thought as my father did. I expected outrage, not this overwhelming outpouring of?—”

“Support? Solidarity?” I smiled. “I don’t think for a moment your father’s regime was repressive, but your subjects followed his views. And now?” I squeezed his hand. “The tide has turned.”

I had a feeling what we’d witnessed at the station was only the start.