Page 43 of Duty and Desire

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Nick

I was tired beyond description but a night of dozing fitfully hadn’t changed my mind. I knew what I had to do.

I also knew I’d wait until I’d accomplished my task before I saw Gio. Not that seeing him would make me question my decision.

I wanted to close and lock one door before I opened another.

Breakfast was little more than a couple of mouthfuls of fruit—my roiling stomach saw to that—and then I called Daniela Risch, asking that she convene a meeting of all my ministers.

“Now, Your Majesty?”

“Yes, now. I want them here as soon as possible.” After the way we’d left things hanging the previous night, they’d realize we needed to take action immediately.

It wasn’t going to be the action they expected.

“Very well, Your Majesty, but if I could speak with you before they?—”

“Not now. After I’ve spoken with them.” I hung up.

I needed a clear head, to assemble my thoughts into some semblance of logic. Whatever she had to say could wait.

An hour later, I was ready to face them.

I strode into the Council Chamber, my head held high, forcing myself to breathe evenly. Everyone waited until I’d taken my seat, and then the Prime Minster cleared his throat.

“Your Majesty, I’ve given a lot of thought to this horrendous situation, and?—”

“So have I,” I interjected. “And I’ve come to a decision.”

The silence was palpable.

I glanced at the faces of those around the table. They all appeared as exhausted as I felt. I took a deep breath.

“There will be no wedding.”

The Prime Minister’s jaw dropped, and he gaped at me, but a moment later he regained his self-control. “Your Majesty, this was the wish of your late father. He had a vision?—”

“I know exactly the vision my father had for me. He left a legacy, one of tradition—a legacy I now reject. I would be untrue to myself if I married Princess Karoline, because I already love another.” I looked him in the eye. “As you now know.”

He frowned. “Your Majesty, we discussed this last night. There can be no question of allowing this article to go unchecked. We need to issue a denial. If he were alive, your father would agree with me.”

I held my hand up for silence. “Yes, he would have done. He held strong views on this matter, and were he alive right now, this wouldn’t even be up for discussion.

And now you know one of the reasons that drove me from my home, my country.

” I looked at the minsters around the table.

“If I am to be your king, then there must be honesty.”

Where the courage to say those words came from, I would never know.

I suspected Gio was its source, however .

The Prime Minster croaked, “ If you are to be our king?”

My heartbeat raced. “If I have to choose between duty, or the desire to be true to myself, then yes, I will make that choice because now I have the strength to make such a decision.” I stilled. “But I repeat, there will be no wedding.”

Another onset of murmurs broke out, until the Prime Minister flashed the ministers a sharp glance. He stared at me in horror.

“I must ask… does Her Highness know of this decision?”

“She does.”

He made an unhappy noise. “While this is a sad state of affairs, I must confess what concerns me more is hearing you speak as if there will be no coronation.”

Despite my trepidation, I regarded him with my chin high. “It isn’t a decision I will make lightly, I assure you.”

“But who else could claim the throne, if not you, the rightful heir?”

I’d given that a lot of thought.

“The next in line would be my cousin, Wolfgang Rechsteiner. And if he wouldn’t be willing to be king, there is a line of cousins behind him who might jump at the chance.” I’d spent some time the previous night going over my family tree. “But we are not at that point yet.”

I had to talk to Gio first.

I rose. “That is all for the moment. I would ask Miss Risch to prepare an announcement for the media, to the effect that Her Highness and I will not be marrying. Post it on the palace’s website too.”

Let them get used to that bombshell before we drop another.

“Your Majesty, if I can have a minute?—”

I flashed Daniela a patient smile. “Later. There’s something very important I need to do first.” I walked out of the Council chamber, heading for the guest rooms, my heart hammering.

I did it. I really did it.

Now to share that news with Gio .

I approached the door of his bedroom, an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I raised my hand to knock, my mouth suddenly dry.

I’m at a crossroads, having to choose between love and duty, between happiness and responsibility. But in the quiet of my heart, there was only one thing I knew for certain.

I couldn’t lose Gio.

“He isn’t in there.”

I jumped at the sound of Claudia’s low voice. “Do you know where he is? I need to talk to him.” I smiled. “I told them, Claudia. I said I won’t marry Karoline.”

To my surprise, she didn’t return my smile, and a ribbon of ice tied itself around my heart.

“He’s gone, Nick.”

I flinched. “What do you mean, gone?” Dread settled on me, smothering me, and it seemed as though I could hear every sound in the palace.

“He left first thing this morning. Daniela saw to his travel arrangements last night.”

That explained why she was so keen to talk to me. Blood pounded in my ears. “Gio wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You mean, the way you did? But you’re right. He left you this.” She held out an envelope.

I snatched it from her, and without another word I hurried along the hallway, down the staircase, heading for my sanctuary, my breathing ragged, and a tingling in my chest, unable to control the shivers that rippled through me.

I barely saw the faces of those I passed on my way. One thought thundered inside my head.

I won that battle, but I lost Gio.

When I reached the fountain, I sat, my hands trembling, my head spinning. I tore the envelope and removed the single sheet of folded paper.

I drew in a deep breath .

My Dearest Nick,

It’s late, and I’m sitting in the quiet of my room, struggling to find the right words. Ironic, huh? A writer who can’t write.

That was me before I found you. You changed all that.

But I still need to find the words.

How do I write a goodbye letter when every word feels like a betrayal of what we’ve shared? But I owe it to you, to us, to leave nothing unsaid, even if the truth pushes us further apart.

You know better than anyone the weight of the crown they’re about to place on your head. The burdens you must carry. I’m only just beginning to understand that. Before we met, I never once thought I’d fall in love with a king. And yet, here I am—irrevocably in love with you.

But we both know love is a complicated thing. It’s beautiful and fleeting, painful and necessary. And because I love you, and despite everything we’ve shared, I know—truly know—that I can’t stand in the way of your destiny. Your throne. Your future.

The time we shared on Bora-Bora? The life you lived, hidden away in the shadows?

That was never meant to last forever. I came to Eisenland ostensibly to save you from a horrific marriage, but that wasn’t the only reason.

I can admit it now. I came because I was selfish, hoping you could have both—your crown and me.

But the truth is, the world— your world—won’t allow for that.

Your ministers, your subjects, they want you to be the king they’ve always dreamed of.

And as much as it breaks my heart to admit it, I want that for you too.

I know this is not what you’d want. I know you’d fight for me, if only you could.

But I’ve made my decision. I can’t ask you to choose, not like this.

So, I’ll take the choice out of your hands.

I’ll leave. Quietly, without a word. No grand gestures, no last promises—just this letter, which I hope will serve as a reminder of the love we shared, and the man I will always cherish.

You have a future ahead of you, a future that doesn’t include me, and I want you to have that—whole, untethered, and free.

I never wanted to be the weight that kept you from soaring.

I never wanted to be the reason you hesitated when you looked to the horizon.

And if my absence will help you see that horizon more clearly, then that is the only way forward.

Nick, my sweet, sweet Nick… You’ve given me a lifetime of memories—intimate, beautiful moments I will carry with me always. I don’t know how long it will take to stop feeling the ache of you, but I promise you, I will try.

You have to understand, Nick. I’m doing this because I love you. Because I want the best for you. Even if that means walking away, no matter how it breaks me to do so.

And it is breaking me.

Please know, in the deepest part of me, you’ll always be the king of my heart.

And I think I’d better stop this right here, because that line is way too corny.

With all my love,

Gio

I wiped the tears from my cheeks, my vision blurred, my eyelids hot. I tried to read the letter again, but the words danced on the paper and all I wanted to do was find a dark place to crawl into and cry without subjecting anyone else to my heartache.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

I jerked my head up. “Now is not a good time, Franz. I just want to be alone.”

“With respect—Nick—no, you don’t. What you need to do right now is come with me.”

I frowned. “And where would you take me? Back to Bora-Bora? I think we both know that isn’t going to happen.”

He crouched in front of me. “I was thinking more of the train station.”

I blinked. “And why there?”

“Because the first train to Zurich doesn’t leave for another forty minutes, which means someone we know is waiting on a platform right now. And how do I know this? Because I took him there.” He stood. “So how about I drive you there ASAP?”

I was on my feet in a heartbeat.

“Why are you standing there? Let’s go!”