Page 42 of Duty and Desire

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Gio

N ick is being torn in two, and I’m powerless to help.

I sat on the bed, where I’d been since I left Nick, my mind in a whirl.

I’d come to Eisenland for two reasons—to save Nick from making a terrible mistake, and to find out if everything we’d shared had been nothing but a dream.

I hoped the way Karoline had spoken that evening was enough to dissuade him from marrying her.

If she’d been the kind of woman who would have supported him, understood him, who would have gone along with the facade of a marriage, knowing Nick would never love her the way she wanted, then maybe I would have kept silent.

But with every word she spoke, I saw into her heart—and I prayed Nick did too.

As for my second reason…

I knew now Nick still loved me, but that didn’t alter the situation .

What did I think, that he’d declare that love to his subjects? And to what end?

The thought of losing Nick, of never being able to hold him again, made my heart ache. But if Nick had to choose between love and duty, how could I possibly expect Nick to choose me?

I love him.

But would that be enough? Could I stand by him through it all, even as the world watched? The pressure, the eyes of the kingdom… they would be on Nick, but also on me, judging me, questioning my worth.

I bit my lip in frustration. I wasn’t trained to be royalty; I had no noble blood, no years of etiquette drilled into me.

I had no idea what it meant to be a consort.

The weight of expectation that came with that title—I could already feel it pressing down on me, and it wasn’t even a likely outcome.

I’d never felt as if I belonged in a palace, never imagined that someone like Nick, someone destined for greatness, would want to stay by my side.

And if by some miracle Nick did choose me…

What if I can’t handle it? What if I fail him?

I could see why King Johannes had chosen Princess Karoline. There was someone with lineage and grace, someone who would fit perfectly beside a king, even if I didn’t like her views.

Whereas I would always be the one who didn’t belong.

I might have accomplished one of my tasks, but I already knew I was finished.

I can’t make him choose.

That left me one course of action.

I glanced at my phone. It was almost midnight, but I needed some air to clear my head.

To help me find the courage to do what I knew had to be done.

I left my room and followed the labyrinth of hallways until I found a door I recognized. I went out into the garden, the solar lamps still burning. To my surprise, light spilled from windows on the first floor.

It seemed I wasn’t the only one awake.

Awash with curiosity, I wandered closer to the light source and peered inside. It was an office, surprisingly modern in its furniture, with a printer and filing cabinets.

Then I saw the room’s occupant.

Daniela Risch.

She sat at her desk, staring at nothing, her lips pressed together, her brows furrowed.

A woman with a lot on her mind, not that I needed to guess what occupied her thoughts.

A woman who would understand my predicament in a heartbeat.

I approached the French doors and tapped on the glass.

Daniela jerked her head toward me. She blinked, then got up from her chair and came over to me. She opened the door.

“It’s very late. Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Colonna?”

I squared my shoulders. “I need some help, Miss Risch, and I think you can provide it.”

She arched her eyebrows. “Then you’d better come in.”

My pulse quickened as I crossed the threshold.

I hope I’m doing the right thing.

For both of us.

I tapped on Claudia’s door, and a moment later I heard movement. My first glance told me she hadn’t been asleep.

“A little late for a visit, don’t you think? It’s one o’clock.”

“I only knocked when I saw your light was on.”

She stood aside. “Come in. You’re my second visitor tonight.”

I went inside, and she closed the door.

“I’m assuming Franz was the first,” I said as she directed me to an armchair.

Claudia huffed. “His motive wasn’t amorous—unfortunately. He’s worried sick. So am I, if it comes to that.” She poured herself a glass of water.

“He told you what’s happened?”

She nodded. “Lord, what a mess.” She took the other chair and sat, crossing her legs encased in burgundy silk pajamas. “I can’t see a way out of this.”

“But I can. That’s why I’m here.” My heart pounded. “I’m leaving.”

Claudia stared at me, open-mouthed. “But… you can’t.”

“Give me one reason why I should stay.”

Her eyes widened. “Sure, I’ll give you a reason—Nick. He needs you.”

I pushed out a sigh. “No, he doesn’t. In fact, having me around just complicates the situation.

” I cocked my head. “What did you think would happen? He’d say Yeah, you’re right, I won’t marry Karoline—I’ll marry you instead ?

Neither of us are that naive, Claudia. You told me yourself about the way things are in Eisenland.

You think the people are going to sit back and accept a gay King?

” I took a breath. “Besides, it’s all arranged. ”

“ What’s all arranged?”

“Daniela Risch has organized my travel arrangements. I’m on a train to Switzerland in the morning, then however many flights it takes to get me back to San Francisco.

It isn’t an early train, but I’ll be leaving the palace first thing.

” I paused. “And there’s something I’d like you to do for me.

I’m going to my room now to write a letter. Would you see Nick gets it?”

Claudia stared at me, her face pale. “You… you’re not going to say goodbye to him?”

My chest tightened. “I’m going to make a clean break. It’s for the best. Seeing him… I wouldn’t be able to say everything I wanted.” I huffed. “Hey. At least he gets a letter. That’s an improvement on what I got.”

The words sounded petty and childish, and I regretted them the instant they left my lips .

She sipped her water. “I bet this made Daniela happy. With you gone, that’s one thorn she can dislodge from her side. I imagine the ministers will share her relief. And don’t get me started on Karoline.” Her face fell. “But I can name two people who won’t be happy.”

I stood, went over to her, and hauled her to her feet before hugging her.

“Thank you for coming to find me, for giving me the courage to see Nick again. But you have to promise me something—well, two things, actually.”

“Anything.”

I cupped her chin. “Stick with him, you hear me? Even if that means leaving the US and coming back to Eisenland for good. He has to have at least one person near him who has his best interests at heart.”

“I thought he already had that—in you.” She sighed. “What’s the second thing?”

“Franz. He’s a keeper. So don’t lose him.”

Claudia chuckled. “Don’t worry. He’s stuck with me.” She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. “I still think this is a bad idea, but I can see you’ve made up your mind, and I don’t think whatever I say will change it.”

“No, it won’t.” I took a step back. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an important letter to write.”

“Bring it to me in the morning. I’ll get Franz to take you to the station.”

“Thank you.” I headed for the door, pausing before I opened it. I glanced back at her. “This really is the only acceptable course of action.”

Any other outcomes—and there were a couple—were nothing but a fantasy.

We have to live in the real world.

Unfortunately.