Page 34 of Duty and Desire

Chapter Thirty-One

Gio

T he hardest part about staying in the palace?

Pretending not to know Nick as intimately as I did.

I sat through dinner, just the three of us, but the conversation felt stilted, as though each of us was wary of being overheard. I was dying to ask where his bride-to-be was, but I didn’t dare.

I still wasn’t sure I wanted to meet her.

There was an atmosphere, nothing I could put my finger on, but I felt it everywhere, a weight on my shoulders I couldn’t get rid of, no matter how much I tried to shake it off.

Nick was quiet, and I told myself that was because of the funeral the following day. When the meal was over, and coffee appeared, Claudia leaned back in her chair.

“This ball I’m invited to next week… Will I need to go shopping for a new dress?”

Nick managed a smile. “Wear the one you wore when Rudolf became Crown Prince. It was a beautiful shade of teal, I recall. ”

She gave a mock gasp. “Half the fun of attending a ball is shopping for it. Would you deprive me of that? And besides, you speak as though I brought it with me. It’s hanging in my closet in the US.”

I thought back to the views of the city as we’d driven to the palace. “But where would you go to find such a dress? I don’t remember seeing many department stores.”

Nick interjected before Claudia could reply. “She’s addicted to the dress shops in Zurich.”

Claudia wagged her finger. “Correction—I was addicted. Once you’ve shopped in NYC, you can never go back.”

I peered through the window at the darkening sky. “Would it be okay if I went outside?”

“Of course.” Nick frowned. “But why?”

I smiled. “I want to look at the stars.”

He flushed. “That sounds like a good idea. I may join you.” He glanced at Claudia. “How about you?”

She coughed. “No thanks. I’ll stay indoors.”

Translation— I’ll go find Franz.

I finished my coffee, and Nick led me through the quiet hallways to an ornate door, its dark wood covered in beautiful iron scroll work.

“Is this a tour? What’s behind this door? The throne room?”

He smiled. “The ballroom.” He opened the door, and I stepped into a very different space.

The floor was heavily varnished wood, and on three walls there were paintings, mostly portraits.

Three chandeliers hung in a row, illuminating every corner, and French doors filled the final wall.

The light spilled through them, and I could see the gardens beyond.

At one end was a high gallery when instruments sat.

The ceiling was a masterpiece of painted panels, each one edged in gold scroll work, creating a breathtaking feast for the eyes. The figures above our heads were reminiscent of Michaelangelo, Titian, and Renaissance painters whose works could be found in any museum in the world .

“Nick, this is awesome.” The colors were vibrant, the artwork exquisite.

“When I was a boy, I used to come in here and lie on my back on the floor, staring up at it.” He crossed the floor, heading for the middle French door.

He opened it, and we went outside. The night air was cooler than I’d anticipated.

I looked up to find the first stars of the evening twinkling in the dark velvet sky.

“The lack of light pollution here is on a par with that of Bora-Bora,” I observed. “All this place needs now is an observatory.”

He sighed. “I asked my father for that very thing when I was a teenager. He refused. He said my attention should focus not on the heavens, but on Earth. On my people.”

I gazed up at the stars, more of which had emerged. “This brings back memories.”

I didn’t need to say which ones.

Nick cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I need to go inside. I’m tired, and tomorrow is going to be a stressful day.”

My heart went out to him. “Of course. You should get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Nick didn’t move, however. “How long will you be staying in Eisenland?”

I bit my lip. “For as long as it takes to do some research for my fictional book on the country.”

He chuckled. “Franz’s idea of a good cover story.”

“But seriously?” I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe until I get the feeling I’ve outstayed my welcome.”

Or until I get you to change your mind and not marry a princess.

“I see.” Nick raised his hand, then lowered it, and I knew what he was resisting.

He wanted to touch me, the one thing neither of us had attempted since my arrival.

Maybe he has the right idea.

I watched him walk slowly back into the ballroom, his shoulders sagging. Except he wasn’t walking—he was running away again .

This time from me.

Nick, sweetheart… Can’t you see what this is doing to you?

What it was doing to me too, because seeing him and not being able to touch him, hold him, kiss him?

It was killing me.

I sat on a bench, gazing up at the starry sky. I could feel the warmth of the night air, the pillows cushioning my head, Nick’s lips soft against my cheek…

This isn’t helping.

“Where did he go?”

I jumped at the sound of Claudia’s voice. “To bed.” I sighed. “Except he was really getting away from me.” I glanced behind her. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Meeting with Daniela Risch, to discuss security for the funeral.” She sat beside me, her head tilted upward. “When you researched Eisenland, did you find any mention of LGBTQ+?”

I stilled. “Now you mention it… no.”

“Then I think I’d better tell you why that is. It might help you to see what lies at the root of Nick’s decision to accept this marriage. Which I totally understand, but which I hate at the same time.”

“Nick told me once there was a hardness to his father.”

Another sigh escaped her. “King Johannes was deeply conservative, and because of his attitude, so was the atmosphere in this country. Specifically, societal expectations repressed any form of LGBTQ+ expression.”

I frowned. “Was that attitude enshrined in law?”

She shook her head. “That would have been too risky. Think about it. All the business Eisenland conducts with foreign countries? No one wanted us to be thought of as a bigoted nation. But it went on quietly. The newspaper headlines were subtle, but the bias was obvious.”

“And the people think as the king did?”

She huffed. “It was widely known the King framed LGBTQ+ rights as a threat to ‘the moral fabric of society,’” she air-quoted.

“ Same-sex relationships? If there are any, they happen in secret. There are no signs of activism, maybe because they’re crushed the moment people stick their heads above the parapet.

No extreme measures either—that would draw too much attention—but a lot of quiet pressure.

” She paused. “But one event has stayed with me. I also think it’s the reason why Nick went to Bora-Bora in the first place. It happened right after we graduated.”

“ What happened?”

“Wilhelm Dittmar was an artist who’d lived all his life in Korenz.

He was famous throughout the entire country.

And one day, a story broke that he was having an affair—with a man.

Not that shocking, but the man in question happened to be one of the King’s cabinet.

And when the affair became public, things got nasty.

Oh, they couched their outrage in terms of the deceit, the adultery, but it was obvious what the slant really was.

Under immense pressure—from who exactly, no one knows—Dittmar ended the relationship, packed up his bags, and left the country.

His lover publicly renounced his sexuality, painting a picture of being seduced, and his wife took him back, apparently everything forgiven, everything forgotten. ”

“I had no idea. There was no hint of this in anything I read.”

“Probably because someone in the government is paying a lot of bribes to keep it out of the spotlight. But what kind of precedent does this establish in the minds of the people who knew what had happened?” She drew in a deep breath.

“Nick has kept this part of his life a secret, because he has no idea how any revelation would be met. So when his ministers say ‘The marriage needs to go ahead, Your Majesty,’ he won’t put up a fight.

He won’t do anything that could destabilize the monarchy, or the economic future of his country. ”

In that moment, I saw to the heart of Nick’s dilemma, why he’d fled his homeland, why he’d hidden himself away on the island.

“He couldn’t be himself here, could he?”

“No. And now he’s back, nothing’s changed.” Claudia stood, rubbing her arms. “I’m going to my room. I’m more tired than I thought. ”

I rose. “Me too.”

We headed indoors. When I reached my bedroom, Claudia touched my arm.

“Now you see what we’re up against, don’t you?”

I nodded. “And it’s going to be an uphill task.”

I’d come there to save him, but I’d had no idea of the stakes involved.

And right then I wasn’t sure what I could do to alter the situation.

May 27

Nick

I walked slowly behind the royal wagon carrying the two coffins, followed by the visiting dignitaries, the Prime Minister, and members of the cabinet. Franz was a few feet behind me on my right, watchful as always.

Karoline was on my left, her gaze trained on the wagon, black ribbons in her hair, her long black coat stirred by the breeze.

The streets were lined with people who stood in silence, three-deep in places, their heads bowed as the funeral procession passed by.

And somewhere toward the rear were Claudia and Gio.

During the service, I’d wanted them close to me, but I’d been informed that was against protocol.

It was a word I was starting to loathe.

The air became still as we reached the cemetery, and we passed through its stone gates, more people lining the narrow paths that wound through the quiet green space, punctuated by headstones.

The Royal mausoleum stood at the end of the path, an imposing edifice in black marble.

One day I will be laid to rest in there.

I stood still as the pallbearers carried the coffins into the dark interior. I didn’t want to watch them being lowered into huge stone caskets, to see heavy stone lids moved into place, sealing them in the dark forever.

When the door was sealed once more, I expelled a long breath.

And that’s that.

I’d done my duty. It was time to leave the dead in their resting place, and return to the living.

To my father’s legacy.

It wasn’t a destination I looked forward to.

“After such a somber event, the ball will be a welcome change,” Karoline murmured beside me.

I wasn’t convinced holding a ball even a week after the funeral was in good taste, but I’d acquiesced to the wishes of the Prime Minister, who’d reminded me this was a royal tradition after a death. Attendees were to dress in bright colors, with no sign of black, not even a tie.

The people need to see that life goes on, Your Majesty.

Their lives, maybe.

Mine was about to take a backwards step.

Karoline cleared her throat. “Your Majesty, I know I said I’d stay for a while, but I learned this morning that my mother isn’t well.”

I did my best to maintain a calm exterior. “Then of course you must go to her. The ball isn’t until the fifth of June. I won’t expect you to return until a day or so before. Take all the time you need.”

All I could think of was that I could be around Gio without the fear of Karoline being in earshot. They hadn’t exchanged words, but then again, Karoline avoided Claudia too.

My future queen doesn’t mingle with the lower classes. It wasn’t an unkind thought, merely the truth.

Her absence meant I could show Gio the rest of the palace, and maybe even a little of Korenz.

The way my mother had shown me.