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six

W eaving through the crowd, I set two cups of coffee down on the table before taking my seat. I turn Grace’s so the mouth opening is facing her chair, so she won’t have to turn it to take a drink when she arrives. Reaching for my cup, I take the top off to let it cool faster so I can take a drink.

Anything to keep my hands busy.

Even though I’m the one who invited Grace out for coffee today, I’m nervous. I love Grace and think she’s perfect for my brother. Over the summer, she and I became close, and I genuinely think she’s the person my brother needs in his life. She brings out a side of him I have never seen, but it’s a good thing. He’s better because of her.

Today, though, isn’t just getting coffee with my future sister-in-law. I want to ask her about Kellan. Really, I want to be able to come clean and tell her all about what I’ve been doing, but I don’t know if I can do that quite yet.

Will she hate me for having feelings for him?

I go to grab my phone out of my purse when I hear someone say my name. I look up and see Grace walking toward me with a smile on her face. “No glasses today?” I tease as I stand.

She rolls her eyes before pulling me into a hug. “You know I don’t have to wear them all the time. How are you?”

“I’m good.” We pull apart and sit down.

“Thank you for ordering this.” She takes a sip of her coffee.

“Of course.” I pick up my cup and blow on it before taking a small sip.

The taste of butterscotch and caramel makes me relax just a little. Even if this goes to hell, at least I got a coffee out of it.

“You know, I was so excited for you to come here. I had all these ideas, and now that they can happen, they haven’t.” She looks so dejected.

My stomach bottoms out. Oh god, does she know about Kellan?

“What do you mean?” I tread lightly.

“I thought we would hang out all the time, basically be inseparable, but we’ve both been so busy, I feel like I’ve barely seen you! I feel awful about it,” she says, making me relax.

Way to overthink it, Cora.

I laugh softly. “It’s okay, Grace. I knew this would happen.”

Her nose crinkles. “Did you?”

“I mean, yeah. It’s only normal, right? Our schedules are way different, we don’t share any classes, and we’re both busy with other stuff.”

“True. How is your volunteering going?”

I can’t help but smile as I think about it. “I love it.”

“Really?”

“Really. The staff there is fantastic. I haven’t had an issue with any of the families, and the kids are all amazing. It’s such rewarding work.”

“Good, I’m glad. I was kind of worried when you started,” she confesses.

“Really? Why?”

“Well, you never know what kind of clientele comes to those places.” She winces. “I know that makes me sound bad, but you always hear horror stories about people hurting people who are in social work. They don’t care that you are there to mediate, they blame you for keeping them from their family.”

“Mom had the same concerns. Don’t worry, we are carefully selected for each case. The more violent offenders are placed with actual employees and not volunteers. They also bring in extra security for those cases. Since I’m a volunteer, I only get the low-risk cases. Most of the families I see are close to being reunited.”

“That makes me feel a little bit better. What else is new? How are classes going?”

“Classes are all right. Boring, but all right.” I take a deep breath. “And I’m seeing someone.”

She leans forward and rests her elbow on the table and puts her chin in her palm. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah.”

“Why haven’t you said anything until now? Who is he? Do I know him?” she asks, making me laugh.

“Calm down, and I don’t know if you know him.” The lie falls off my lips easily.

Internally, I cringe. Why do I dig the hole deeper when I know I will have to fess up one day? I swear sometimes I make poor decisions for no good reason.

“Well then, tell me about him,” Grace says, pulling me from my thoughts.

That nagging feeling inside of me is telling me to tell her the truth, but I push it down. I think the fact that I had zero hesitance to lie to her means I’m not ready for her to pop this bubble I’m living in.

Not yet.

“He’s great. He’s a year older than me. He treats me well, and I really like him.”

Grace raises a brow. “That’s cool, but are you going to tell me his name?”

“I would rather not. Not right now at least.”

“Cora, is there a reason you’re hiding who you’re seeing?” Grace asks, frowning.

“I just want to keep it on the down-low for now and keep it to myself. I want to make sure that this is actually happening before I scream it from the rooftops. Besides, the less I tell you, the less you can report back to my brother.”

“Cora, whatever you say to me in confidence is just between us.” She is so sincere it hurts.

I know she means it too. She would keep it from Clay if I asked her to, but it’s not fair for me to ask her to do that.

“I know, but still. I’m not sure Clay will approve, and I don’t want you to get caught in the middle of Clay and me.”

A crease forms between her eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t Clay approve? I won’t lie, Cora, this isn’t giving me the warm fuzzies.”

I run a hand through my hair. “I’m messing this all up and not explaining it well, but I promise it’s nothing bad. Honestly, the guy doesn’t have the greatest reputation, and I know Clay wouldn’t be a fan.”

“First off, I don’t care what the guy’s reputation is. Second, your brother has no room to talk. When we met, everyone thought he was a manwhore who slept with every woman at the drop of a hat when it couldn’t be further from the truth. We both know that reputations don’t mean shit. Sometimes people’s perceptions are off, and it takes really getting to know them to understand that.”

“I know,” I say softly as I spin my drink on the table.

“If he means something to you, I know the guys and I will give him a chance. We won’t judge him for his past actions or what others say about him. The past is the past, and if your brother can’t get on board with it, then oh well. It’s your life.”

“I know you will. See, he was kind of in a relationship last year, and he’s left a little jaded from it. I just want to make sure it all works before I introduce him to everyone, you know?”

Understanding crosses Grace’s face. “You’re trying to protect your heart.”

“You could say that, yeah.”

Grace looks over my shoulder. While she’s lost in thought, I take a drink, trying to calm my nerves. I should just tell her that it’s Kellan. I know I should. The sooner they find out, the better, but I can’t. I can’t get my mouth to form the words.

It’s because you don’t want to see the look of hurt and betrayal on her face.

“You know, as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been fearless. You’ve gone after what you want, guns blazing, giving zero fucks about the outcome. You don’t care what anyone thinks, and I admire that about you. Hell, I wish I could be like you sometimes.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but back to the point. I think you should give this guy a chance. If he breaks your heart, he breaks it. We will help you pick up the pieces. If you think he’s worth it, dive in. It’s okay to be scared, Cora. Sometimes we think the storm will be way worse than it actually is. I don’t want you to miss out on the possibility of happiness because you were too afraid.” I open my mouth to say something, but she holds up her hand, cutting me off. “Let me finish. As badly as I want you to jump in, I need you to watch your back. Red flags are very real, and you need to watch out for them. Trust your gut, and if it’s telling you something’s wrong, you need to jump ship. Just don’t assume something based on his reputation, let him prove himself to you. Okay?”

“Okay,” I say softly.

My heart is filled with gratitude for Grace. She has no idea that she just gave me permission to fall head over heels for her best friend, but she did. Somehow, she managed to turn my hesitancy into acceptance that he and I are happening.

I’ll go on one more date with Kellan, and if it’s as good as the last one, then I’ll tell her and Clay who it is I’m seeing.

Just one more date.

* * *

Coach blows his whistle. “Again!”

Panting, I move back across the ice, and we start the play all over again. I get the puck and look toward Clay. When he’s clear and looking my way, I slap the puck toward him. He catches it with ease and pushes it down the ice further, toward the net. As soon as he can, he takes his shot, only for it to be deflected by Wyatt.

Again, the whistle blows, and Coach calls out another play. This time I’m the one with an opening. I line up my shot just right, and it skims over the top of Wyatt’s glove, falling into the back of the net.

“Fuck yeah!” one of the guys next to me mutters.

“Good job, Cooper,” Clay says as he skates by.

“Thanks.” I fight back my smile as I move back into position so we can start all over again.

Play after play, we do what we are supposed to. By the time Coach blows his whistle, signaling the end of practice, he’s got his arms crossed over his chest with a look of pride in his eyes.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about, boys,” he says as we circle up. “Just in time with the first game approaching too. I was worried I was going to have to go borrow some guys from the beer league in town so I would have some players who wouldn’t completely embarrass me on the ice.”

A few of the guys chuckle but quickly stop when they realize Coach isn’t joking. The dude would do whatever it takes to win a game as long as it’s legal. While Coach waxes poetic about how we played today and the game coming up, my mind drifts.

Today it felt good to be on the ice. It almost felt like early last year. Before everything with Grace went down. We were all working together, and we were making magic happen on the ice. Clay and I were working as a team, and it made me realize something.

Maybe Clay was never the problem, and it was me all along. Maybe my head was so far up my ass that I was the one who was ruining everything. I wanted what Clay had so badly that I let it cloud my judgment. Hell, I wanted to be him. He got the C on his chest, and he got the girl, both things I wanted when all along they weren’t meant to be mine, at least not right now. Once he leaves, I’ll toss my hat into the ring to be team captain, but until then it’s his job, not mine. I’m humble enough to accept it if it’s never my job. Coach knows what’s best for this team. I need to trust him.

Coach dismisses us, and we head toward the locker room. Even the atmosphere here feels different. It still smells like sweat, but it feels lighter.

I sit down on the bench and start undoing my laces.

“Hey, are you going to physical therapy with Brett?” Beckett asks Clay.

“Yeah, I want to see if there’s anything we need to be doing at home to help him between appointments,” Clay responds.

“Good. Have you noticed he’s been a little quiet lately?” Beckett asks.

“You would be too if you were him,” Wyatt says.

“True. I don’t know, I just worry,” Beckett tells them.

“Who would have known you would be a mother hen?” Clay teases him.

“Fuck you,” Beckett says, making them laugh.

I can’t help but be slightly envious of their easy banter. I don’t remember the last time I had that kind of friendship with another player.

“You were great out there today, Cooper. I could tell you’ve been busting your ass. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up,” Clay says as he sits down across from me, pulling me out of my head.

“Thanks. I appreciate you saying that.”

He looks at me funny for a second before he nods.

“Yo, did you guys hear about that party that’s happening this weekend?” one of the freshmen asks.

“Which one? There’s a million parties every weekend,” Beckett deadpans, making everyone laugh.

The guy, I think his name is Quinn, his face turns red. “I don’t know, I heard some babes talking about it after I came out of my math class.”

Clay winces. “First off, let’s not call any female a babe. Second, we are too close to the season to party now. You need to be at the top of your game.”

Beckett chuckles while some of the guys groan. “Yeah, for all you know, you could be calling James’s sister a babe.”

“You have a sister, and she goes here?” I ask.

Clay looks over at me and nods. “Yeah, she’s a freshman.”

I think back to last year and try to picture who Grace sat with at games. The only person I remember seeing next to her that she knew was her roommate Peyton.

“Huh, I must have missed her in the stands last year.”

“Nah, you didn’t miss anything. She only came to one game, I think.”

“Ah, that makes sense. That’s cool that your sister goes here, though.”

Clay smiles. “Yeah, she’s the best.”

“What about you, Cooper? You got any sisters locked away?” Beckett asks.

“No, and if I did, I would make sure she would stay far away from you,” I quip.

Beckett clutches his chest as if I wounded him, making all the guys laugh.

Shit. I didn’t realize how much I missed the banter that is thrown back and forth in a locker room. Last year and so far this year, I’ve kept my head down and stuck to myself. I didn’t make friends with anyone on the team and saw them as competition. I thought they were beneath me.

Just another way I fucked up, and I didn’t even know it.

A feeling of melancholy fills me. I could have had this the entire time I’ve been here, but I let my pride and cockiness get in the way. I’ve made so many mistakes since I’ve come here, I don’t know how I’ll fix them. I don’t know if there is a way to make it right.

“Hey man, are you okay?”

I look over and see Wyatt looking at me with concern. The guy doesn’t know me, and I honestly don’t know if he’s ever said more than a handful of words to me before. I can’t help but wonder what his story is. I know he’s friends with Clay and lives with him, but that’s it.

“Yeah, man, I’m good,” I lie.

I might not be good right now, but I will be.