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ten

W alking out of my dorm, I’m shocked to see four intimidating men leaning against my brother’s car. Well, they might intimidate someone with the way their faces are set in stone and arms are crossed.

Not me. I know these fools are as gentle as teddy bears.

“I have to get to mediation. What are you guys even doing here?” I ask, stopping short of them.

It’s almost comical to see them. Clay is leaning on the hood, trying to look angry, but I know him better than anyone else. He’s worried.

Then you have Beckett. He is trying to mirror Clay but seems as if he’s not sure he understands why they are here. He is leaning against the passenger door.

Brett looks like he is in pain as he leans all his weight against the rear passenger door while keeping his crutch under his arm. I’m a little worried about him actually. He looks clammy.

Then there’s Wyatt. The man barely ever speaks, but right now his body language is screaming at me.

Out of all of them, he doesn’t want to be here. He is pretending to go along with the guys, but his body isn’t as closed off as the others. He doesn’t want to come off as trying to assert himself against me.

It makes him my favorite immediately.

“We need to talk,” Clay mutters.

“Well, make it quick. I have a bus to catch.” I hike my bag up on my shoulder.

“You are an adult, but you need to make sure you are making good decisions,” Clay starts.

He looks over at Beckett, who clears his throat. “We aren’t trying to tell you what to do, but the people you associate yourself with can be detrimental to your future. We just want you to think before you act.”

I roll my eyes as he looks at Brett. They rehearsed this. Any other time I would think their tag-teaming was adorable, but not today. Not when it’s aimed at me. I swear I am going to punch them all in the dick.

When Brett doesn’t talk right away, Beckett elbows him, making him groan.

“Oh, um. Cora. We love you like a sister.” He coughs, wiping his forehead with his hand. “We only want the best for you.”

I look to Wyatt when I’m sure Brett is done. He considers his words for a moment before speaking.

“These idiots think you need a talk about Kellan, but I disagree.”

The others start to protest, but he shoots them a murderous look, making them quiet down.

“As I was saying, Kellan was a dick last year, but it’s water under the bridge. I’m sure every one of us standing here has done something stupid in our past we would rather not relive, so I don’t know why we are making this a big deal. Cora is an adult, like you said. She knows what is best for her and doesn’t need us looking out for her.” He looks back to me. “With that being said, if he hurts you, I will fillet his dick like I’m butterflying a piece of chicken before dropping him into the middle of the ocean.”

He says it so deadpan that it almost frightens me. Especially when he looks at me dead in the eye then nods once.

“Morbid, dude,” Beckett mumbles.

Brett grows even paler, his hand coming to cover his crotch.

Clay is the only one who seems unaffected.

“I understand your position, Wyatt, but she’s my sister. She’s barely an adult, and I’m worried she will make a decision that will alter her life forever. It’s my job to protect her.”

I grow angry at his words.

“Protect me? For the past four years, I have lived in our house with Mom, but we both know that means I have practically lived alone. I have taken care of myself. There was no one there to make sure I came home at a decent hour or that I wasn’t out doing things I shouldn’t have been. You know I stayed out all night once. By myself, but still. No one noticed ,” I seethe. “I made my own food, did my own laundry, and made sure I made it to school by myself. For four years, no one tried to tell me what was best for me. I had to figure that out for myself. Well, until you and Mom decided I needed to go to college. So I don’t need you butting into my life now, Clay.”

He looks sad for a moment, making me feel guilty.

“I know I wasn’t there. I wanted to be, Cora. I wish I had. I have regrets, but can’t you see? I don’t want you to have the regrets I have. I’m your older brother. Shouldn’t I worry about you?”

His words deflate my anger. I look at them all. The guys know me, but not really. They only know what Clay has told them about me. I haven’t spent enough time with them to get to know them truly.

Yet they are here, ready to defend my honor. Or in Wyatt’s case, go all Dexter on the poor sap who decides to date me.

“I understand. Thank you, guys, for coming. It means a lot to me even if I’m not acting like it. I’m going to date Kellan. If it ends badly, I won’t regret it. I’ll take it as a lesson learned. I can’t live my life scared to do something because of the possible outcome. That wouldn’t be living. I need to take the leap of faith and deal with the consequences later. I want to find my Grace, Clay. I need you to give me room to do that.”

He sighs. “I know. I’m not saying don’t date him. I gave my blessing, and I meant it. I only want you to be careful and think about the decisions you make. That’s all I’m asking.”

Grace said he had given his blessing, but I didn’t believe it. Guess I have to now. I don’t get what he is saying then. Date Kellan, but be careful of my decisions?

Then it hits me.

Oh god. This fucking idiot.

“You do know that I’m not a virgin, right?” I ask Clay.

He balks as the other guys all make choking noises.

“Excuse me?” Clay’s eyes narrow.

“Junior prom. I lost it to Billy Jackson. Been active since. If that’s the decision you want me to be careful with, that ship has sailed.”

“I…what? I will kill him.” Clay clenches his fist.

It only makes me laugh. “Seriously? That’s what all of this was? You have sex with Grace all the time. I’m going to have sex too. It’s part of life. You need to get over it.”

“Please stop saying sex. The vein in his forehead is popping,” Beckett says to me as he stares at Clay.

At that moment, Brett pukes.

I jump back, glad the splatter misses me.

“Seriously, dude?” Beckett screams.

Wyatt grabs his arm, helping him stand back up.

“The pain was too much. That wasn’t a reflection of you, Cora,” Brett mutters.

Wyatt gives me a chin dip, moving Brett until he is in the back seat of the car.

“Cooper is going to get it,” Clay mutters.

I march up to Clay, pushing him in the chest. “No. You won’t do a thing to him. He has barely even kissed me. He is trying to do this right, and so am I. So stay out of my relationship. If you can’t, then I will have to cut you out of my life until you can. I won’t live my life forever in your shadow, Clay.”

“Cora.”

I shake my head. “No. I’m done. I’m going to be late. Goodbye.”

Stalking away, I leave them behind.

My heart hurts, though. I don’t want to shut Clay out, but I don’t need him to be acting like my father. I need him to be my support system when I need it but give me the space to grow and learn about myself.

If he can’t do that, I don’t know what I will do because life without him seems impossible.

* * *

It’s D-day. Okay, not really, but it is team-building day. My anxiety is through the roof. Breathing is even hard for me. I feel like there is this weight on my chest as I stand outside the building.

I know what I need to do, but I can’t seem to get my feet to move.

“Cooper, are you going to stand out here all day?” Clay asks as he comes up behind me, stopping at my side.

“I was considering it. It’s nice out today.”

The weather is a little chilly, but I’ve always loved the fall weather. With it being nearly October already, it’s perfect.

“I’m glad you are out here. We need to talk.”

I take a deep breath, trying to breathe past the tightness in my chest. “What’s up?” I ask.

“I know I already gave you my blessing to date my sister, but I want to make it clear. She might be willing to forgive the shit she wasn’t here to live through, but I’m not there yet. You have something to prove to me. Show me you are the guy Grace has been best friends with for years. I need to know you aren’t the dickwad who put her through hell last year.”

“I know. I’m working on it,” I mutter, rubbing my chest.

Why isn’t it getting better? Why does my heart feel like it’s about to beat out of my chest?

“Good. You can start here with the team. Some of the guys will scoff and act like this is beneath them. I expect your full participation today. Understood?”

I nod. “Anything it takes.”

He pats my shoulder. “Good. Let’s get in there.”

Without a choice, I follow him inside. He goes to the desk, so I walk over to the group of guys huddled around. Calvin moves over, making room for me. I regret it when I see what they are doing.

Douchebag Hendricks is sharing photos some girl sent him. Intimate ones.

“Dude, that’s fucked up.” I push his phone away, shielding it from everyone.

“Don’t touch my shit, Cooper,” he growls at me.

“Don’t disrespect the woman who trusted you enough to send those to you,” I say through gritted teeth.

“She doesn’t even know me, and she sent them. It’s obvious she wants people to look at her.”

I shake my head. “Have some integrity and decency. Put the phone away before I make you put it away.”

I take a step forward. The guys all back up a step, leaving me and Hendricks in the center of the circle.

Fuck, Clay isn’t going to like this, but what he’s doing is wrong. I won’t stand for it.

“I would like to see you try, Cooper. We all know you are a sucker for the pussy. Isn’t that how you ended up macking on Cap’s girl?”

I feel the anger rising inside. Mixed with the weight I still feel on my chest, I almost feel faint, but I square my shoulders.

“I have respect for women because I was taught to respect others. Now what’s it going to be, Hendricks?”

“Hendricks, why don’t you hand over your phone? You can see me after to get it back and we can discuss what is so interesting that everyone wants to see,” Clay says, coming up from behind. “In fact, all of you turn your phones into the desk. This is a phone-free day.”

The guys all grumble, but I hand mine over without thought. Then I head over to the wall, leaning against it while I try to get my body under control. I really wish my chest would loosen up.

After a moment, Wyatt comes over, leaning against the wall next to me. “That was cool of you.” He nods toward the group.

“I didn’t do it to be cool. He’s an asshole. That woman didn’t consent to her body being seen by the whole hockey team.”

He nods. “That’s why it was cool. You did it because it was right.”

He doesn’t say anything else, and I have no clue what to say, so we stand in silence.

Then Clay claps his hands. “Okay team, we will be breaking off into groups and doing some exercises. At the end, we will come back together as a group and reflect on the day. Remember, this is important to keep the vibe of the team good. We won’t play well if there is contention. Come up here when I call your name.”

Thankfully, Hendricks goes in the first group with Brett. Beckett is broken off into the second group with Calvin. Wyatt and I get put in the same group. Then Clay puts himself in the last group.

The workshop is silly, but the laughter has everyone in a better mood. It even has the feeling in my chest dissipating.

The room is set up with stations so each group goes around trying each one. From the human knot to hockey trivia, and even the classic trust fall, each station tests a different part of our togetherness as a team. Like Clay asked, I throw myself into it full force. Even when the guys make fun of the activity, I give it my all.

By the end, I can feel the difference. I do feel closer to the guys in my group. I learned a lot about them. From the fact that Wyatt likes classic rock songs while we played Name That Tune or that Lamar hates bananas with a passion.

For the first time since I was accepted on the team, I feel the camaraderie.

We are in the final circle now. All of us facing one another as we sit on the floor.

“The last activity is two truths and a lie. We will each do ours, and the person to the left gets to guess. If they get it wrong, the speaker will go to the person on their right. Once the lie is revealed, we will go clockwise until everyone has had a turn. This is meant to bring us closer, so let’s take this seriously and give good truths.” Clay looks around the room at everyone. “I’ll start. I would give up anything to be in the PHL. I get nervous before every game to the point that I feel like I might puke. I once stole bread from the corner store to feed myself and got caught.”

He turns to his right, which is Mack, one of the freshman players.

“The stealing. You have too much integrity for it,” he says confidently.

Clay smiles and shakes his head. “Nope. That’s true. I was eleven. My sister was starving, and our mom was at work. She didn’t have enough money to buy a lot of food that week, so I went to the store and stole the bread. The owner felt bad for me and ended up sending me home with a bag of food for me and Cora. They kept sending home food for us until we both graduated.”

It breaks my heart to hear that story from him. Especially knowing it is about Cora. I already understood his protective nature, being that he’s her brother, but knowing what lengths he has gone to for her has me gaining new respect for our captain.

He turns to his left, where he placed Hendricks.

He scoffs. “Obviously the second one. Wouldn’t all of us give up anything to play in the PHL?”

He’s wrong. Looking at Clay right now, I know he wouldn’t give up anything. He wouldn’t let Grace go. He would already be in the PHL if that was true. I don’t think he would take the position over his sister or mother either.

He’s a family man at heart.

“Wrong again.” Clay smiles. “I would love to play in the PHL, but I understand that there is more to life than a fat paycheck and the fame that comes with being in the PHL. I’m just as happy to pursue my passion while starting my own business or being involved in other ways. Especially if it means I keep my family, because I would never give them up. Lamar, you’re next.”

Each team member goes, most of them taking it seriously. Some reveal some deep stuff like Clay, while others keep it on the surface.

As it gets closer to me, I feel that heavy feeling return to my chest. I swallow hard, trying to keep myself from showing any discomfort. I must not be doing a good job at it because Wyatt leans over to me.

“You okay?” he whispers.

Clay looks over at us, concern on his face.

“Yeah. I don’t like speaking in groups,” I tell him.

It’s not exactly a lie, but it’s not the full truth. Right now, it’s that I feel anxious about what I’m about to reveal.

Wyatt goes next, giving me one last bit of reprieve before I have to tell my truths.

“I was raised by a nanny because I’m an only child and my parents didn’t want children. My number one school was Yale, but I ended up here instead. I never wanted to be a goalie,” Wyatt says, looking at me.

I think over his answers. It’s sad, but the first one is true. I don’t know how I know, but I do. I also think the second one is.

“You always wanted to be a goalie,” I tell him.

He nods. “That’s the lie. As soon as I got on the ice, I knew I wanted to be a goalie. I wanted to go to Yale because my father did. I thought it would make him pay attention to me, but it didn’t. I got accepted, but he didn’t care. So I came here.”

He doesn’t explain the first one, but he doesn’t have to. His pain is palpable to me. I reach out, patting his shoulder before turning the attention to me. Anything to get the attention off of him. I know he has to hate the pity looks from the other guys.

“I have been handed everything in my life, so I don’t know how to appreciate hard work when I see it. Last year was the worst year of my life because the real world is harder than the world I lived in prior to then. I’m an only child and have the syndrome that comes with being spoiled by my parents.”

I look to my right, nodding to one of the juniors, Gabe.

“Um, I don’t know, man. The last one?” he asks.

I shake my head. “That’s true. I’m an only child. My mother’s miracle baby, so she gave me anything I wanted. I think it affected my preparation for the world.”

I turn to Wyatt. He looks at me with understanding.

“You know what hard work is because you are on this team. No matter how easy everything else was for you, hockey never was.”

I nod. “I think that’s why I chose it. I liked the challenge. Things were handed to me, but I appreciate the hard work it takes to get here. As for last year, it really was the worst year of my life. I learned a lot of truths about myself and the world.” I look up at Clay. “Lessons I needed to learn to be a better person.”

The rest of the guys keep the game going, but I’m too far in my head. I excuse myself before the game has ended, heading toward the bathroom, and Wyatt follows me inside.

“I’m okay. You don’t need to hover,” I tell him.

“I know you are. That was deep, but that’s what Clay wanted from us. You did good out there. I know he wanted to talk to you before this and what he planned to say. I wanted to let you know that not all of us agree with him. I have your back. We are a team, and that makes you family.”

I snort. “So you feel Hendricks is family?”

He shakes his head. “He’s an interloper who will be a blip on our roster. He will be gone next year. Coach is already tired of him, but we have to keep him until the end of the season unless he fucks up.”

“Thank God. I wasn’t sure I could do another season with him after this.”

“I’ll leave you alone. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t leaving and to tell you that you are making progress and to keep it up. It’s being noticed.” He steps back out the door, leaving me alone.

I take several deep breaths, my mind clearing. That feeling on my chest is still there, but it’s manageable.

When I step out of the bathroom, I see all the guys getting their phones and leaving. I wait while the line goes, seeing Clay on the side talking to Hendricks. They look like they are arguing. I don’t like how the man is stepping up to our captain.

After a moment, he snatches his phone from Clay’s hand and storms out.

Clay walks over as I finally make it up to the desk to claim my phone.

“Seems we have a new problem child,” he mutters.

“He sure is a peach,” I say sarcastically.

I turn and start to head out, but Clay calls to me.

“Where are you going?”

I frown as I look over at him. “Home?”

He shakes his head. “The entire team building is over, but we still have some bonding to do. Wyatt, ride with Kellan. Show him where to go.”

I’m confused as to why I’m being invited, but I don’t question it, and I lead Wyatt to my car.

It is only a short drive, but when we pull up to the place, I raise an eyebrow.

“Karaoke?”

He nods. “Song choice is everything, Cooper. So choose wisely.”

As he climbs out, I can’t help but smile.

This is what I missed. Having people to count on.

Cora gave this back to me.

I shoot her a quick text.

Kellan

Miss you.

She doesn’t respond back right away, but that’s okay. I don’t need her to.