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three

M aybe I would feel differently about school if they didn’t make me pretty much relearn everything from high school. Seriously, all of my classes so far have been a review of what we have already learned. If I wanted to sit through algebra again, I would have failed the first time.

Annoyed, I find my way to my next class. At least this one should be a little better.

Sociology was one of the classes that was available to freshmen that seemed to interest me. Studying human behavior will really help me with my volunteer work too.

I have my first session as a certified chaperone for the child welfare agency after my last class. I’m nervous, but excited too. I know it’s a difficult time for families, so I hope I’m able to be something positive they can take from it. Hopefully this class teaches me something useful to use as well.

As I step through the door, my heart drops.

Standing at the front of the hall is Kellan. He looks gorgeous in his T-shirt and tight blue jeans. They hug his ass in the right way.

I am so shocked that I almost turn around and walk out, but then he looks up and meets my eye. He looks as shocked as I am. Still, he manages a smile and a small wave.

I swallow hard, giving him a small wave back as I rush to my seat.

What is he doing here?

He looks like he might walk over to me, but the teacher comes in and starts speaking to him. I don’t miss the way he keeps flicking his eyes to me while he holds a conversation with the teacher.

After a few minutes, the teacher turns and addresses the class. “Hello, my name is Professor Lindburg. This is my assistant, Kellan. I hope you have all downloaded your syllabi. Let’s go over it.”

He keeps talking, but I can’t tell you what he says, though.

For a whole hour, my mind is stuck on the man sitting in the corner writing in his notebook. I have no idea where he gets off looking like he has not a care in the world when I’m over here panicking.

I had decided to avoid him. Keep my distance so that I didn’t have to deal with the drama that will ensue when Clay finds out that I’m crushing on the one teammate he would never in a million years let me within five feet of.

Then we ran into each other once, and I thought, okay, this is it.

Now he’s my teacher’s assistant?

God save me from myself because I’m starting to think that maybe the universe is putting Kellan in my path for a reason.

Why am I fighting this so hard? Isn’t college where I’m supposed to find myself? What does that even mean?

I’m here because my mother and Clay wanted me to be. I feel like everything I’ve done lately is for someone else.

So why can’t I have a little slice of happiness?

Looking over at Kellan once more, I find him already looking at me. He has a big smile on his face, which can’t bode well for me.

The professor dismisses class, but I don’t move. Kellan is already moving, though. Toward me.

“Hey, Cora. Do you have time to get lunch with me? My treat.”

I suck in my bottom lip. I need to say no. I should say no.

“Yes.”

Fuck it. I want to go.

I don’t even get a chance to collect my things. Kellan has them up in his arms before I can even think about it. Then he holds out his arm for me to hold. I don’t even hesitate. I feel so silly holding his arm like I’m some debutante, but I like it.

I like him.

As we walk, my eyes keep scanning for anyone I might know. I’m not ashamed of Kellan, but I don’t want to cause any more issues for him either.

“What are the odds that we would end up in the same class like that?” Kellan asks, breaking the silence.

“Well, you aren’t really in it. You’re the assistant,” I tell him.

He nods. “I took it last year. Did so well that the professor asked me to TA for him. It makes sense since my backup plan is to teach. Well, I want to be a coach, but most schools want you to also be able to teach a class or two.”

“Really? That’s so sweet. Why coaching?”

He thinks it over a moment before he answers me, which I respect. He never gives me some bullshit answer. It makes me think he is taking my questions seriously and wants to give me his most honest answer.

“Last year, I wouldn’t have even had a backup plan, but after the shitty year I had, I realized that it could all be gone, and I would be left with nothing. So I buckled down and figured out what I wanted to do. I volunteer at the rink back home teaching the younger kids hockey and love watching the little ones fall in love with the sport. I think I could do that for the rest of my life.”

His words stir something inside of me. It’s like I’ve found a kindred spirit. I find the same joy when I see the kids from the center. I like watching them light up when they see their parents. It’s supervised because of reasons beyond their control, but I like that I can be there during one of their happy times.

“That’s so sweet. You’d be a great coach. You have this presence about you that I’m sure makes the kids more comfortable with you.”

“Are you trying to say I’m childish?” he jokes.

“I mean, men are usually slower to mature than women, so if you compare yourself to me, it wouldn’t be inaccurate,” I tease back.

He lets out a loud, boisterous laugh. In that moment, all I can do is smile wider at him. He looks so carefree right now. It has my resolve fading.

I don’t want to avoid Kellan. I actually like him.

Pushing the thoughts aside, I lean my head on his arm as we continue to walk. “So that’s the end goal then? After hockey?” I ask.

“I mean, I hope I stay in hockey until I’m in my thirties, if not longer, but yes. I think I would like to find somewhere to teach hockey. Maybe my hometown rink? What about you? What are your big plans?” he asks.

It’s an innocent question. One that would be normal to talk about, but it has my gut churning.

“I’m not really sure. I’ve lived my life from day to day for so long that I think I forgot to worry about the future,” I admit softly.

He opens the door to the main cafeteria, stepping aside to let me go in first. He waits until we get into line before he speaks again.

“You don’t have to have your whole life figured out right now. In fact, I think it’s better you don’t. Take me, for example.” He grabs a tray and starts putting food on it, pointing to things for me to nod or shake my head depending on what I want. “I had my entire life figured out when I came here. I was going to be the youngest captain of the hockey team. I’d be living in the hockey house and have the respect of all the guys. Instead, I’m struggling and have a roommate who stays up playing video games all night. If you asked seventeen-year-old me, I would be a disappointment. Knowing exactly what you want puts pressure on yourself. You’re lucky.”

When we get to the end, he pays for both of our meals. I usually hate when people do that, but the way he didn’t even think about it or boast that he did it, has me accepting his generosity.

I follow him to a table, taking the seat across from him. After a moment, I say, “I don’t feel lucky. I feel lost.”

He reaches across the table, taking my hand in his. “It’s okay. I can be your anchor until you figure out which path you want to take. You have time. You’re still young. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

His words calm something inside of me. As we eat and chat, I realize I never really stood a chance.

Kellan was put into my life to be exactly what I need right now.

* * *

There’s more pep in my step as I head toward the rink.

I was surprised to find Cora in my TA class. I wanted to talk to her right away, but the professor came in. I took the opportunity to ask if it would be a conflict of interest if someone I was dating was in one of his classes.

He told me that as long as I don’t grade their work, he doesn’t care. That gave me the go-ahead to approach her after class.

She seemed hesitant but agreed to lunch. By the time we were finished eating, we were chatting and flirting like it was an everyday occurrence. I just can’t believe how natural it feels to be with her.

I was happy when she let me walk her to her class, kissing the back of her hand before I sent her on her way. I loved the way her cheeks turned a pale shade of red. It kept me going all through my afternoon class.

Hell, it’s the reason I’m practically skipping to practice.

Today is a good day. I refuse to let it be ruined.

The thought crosses my mind just as the rink comes into view. My stomach sours when I see the couple kissing outside of it.

Clay and Grace.

It’s not even jealousy that makes me feel the way I do anymore. I’m smart enough to realize that while I thought I wanted Grace, it was in some abstract way. Grace is an amazing woman, but she was never right for me.

No, it’s the negativity that surrounded last year in relation to her and Clay that has me averting my gaze and skirting around them. Hell, it’s the guilt for what I put Grace through. The fact that I used to talk to her nearly every day, and now I can’t even bring myself to wave her way.

Shame.

It’s shame that has all the happiness from before flowing out of me, replaced by all the negative feelings that I cannot seem to shake. I can’t seem to let go of any of the animosity I have toward Clay for irrevocably changing my life by getting with Grace.

It’s selfish. I know it is, but sometimes knowing something and changing it is more difficult than it sounds. I have the want and desire to let it all go, but something is keeping me from doing it. I thought time healed all wounds, but this is taking a lot more time than I expected.

Changing out for practice doesn’t take me long, so I head to the ice to warm up well before anyone else does. They are all sitting around laughing and chatting, but I’m alone. There’s no one on this team who gives a fuck about me. Not even Calvin has made an effort to talk to me since the party.

It’s exhausting feeling like the outcast. I’ve wondered more than once if it wouldn’t have been better to enter the transfer portal and request another team. The only thing that stopped me is the fact that I have dreamed of playing for this team since I was a prepubescent kid. I wasn’t quite ready to give up on it yet.

The others slowly trickle in as I skate in circles around the rink. When Coach finally stops beside the ice, I go to join the rest of the team.

“I want you running drills. James, you know what to do,” he barks to Clay.

Clay turns around, separating us into groups as we start to run the drills. First, we do a one-versus-one around a circle drill. I start off slow, using it as a warm-up as intended, but one of the new players cuts me off, making me stumble.

“Watch it, Hendricks,” I hiss at him.

“Heard Cap got your girl. How’s it feel, Cooper?” he mutters to me.

I narrow my eyes at him as he skates away.

Trent Hendricks is a transfer student from Mississippi. He’s a hell of an enforcer but has a bit of a temper. It was surprising that Coach picked him up. I haven’t had much interaction with him, so I have no idea why he is targeting me now.

Throughout the drills, he continues to make comments to get under my skin. It’s working too. I can see why he’s an effective enforcer. He can get into people’s heads.

It’s during flush shooting drills that I finally snap.

“Wonder if Grace wants to take on another one of your teammates. She’s a total babe. Bet she gives good head.”

Friends with Grace or not, I refuse to put up with someone talking about her that way. It’s inappropriate and a real prick move.

Before he can get away, I’m on him. It’s not like I can do much damage with all of our gear on, but when I hear him grunt, I take a sick satisfaction in it.

When the guys finally pull me off, I’m glaring at him.

“James, take Cooper to the locker room. Woods, take Hendricks outside. You better come back without whatever the hell that was.”

I frown as I skate off the ice, making my way to the locker room. Once inside, I sit on the bench, putting my head in my hands.

“What was that about?” Clay asks calmly.

I look up at him. “He was talking shit about your girlfriend. I didn’t appreciate it.”

“You don’t have to defend her anymore. She wouldn’t want you jeopardizing your spot on the team for her.” He folds his arms, leaning against the lockers.

“This isn’t some love thing, James. What he said was disgusting. He shouldn’t talk about women that way. It just hit a little harder because the girl he was talking about was Gracie,” I admit to him.

He nods. “Because you are in love with her?”

I shake my head. “I thought I was, but no. Because she is my best friend, even if we aren’t really talking at the moment.”

“She misses you too, you know.” He says it so matter-of-factly.

As if her missing me doesn’t bother him at all. It only makes me angrier.

“Shouldn’t you want to fuck that guy up? He was talking about Gracie in sexual terms. You should be the one sitting here in trouble. Not me.”

He smirks at me. “You think Hendricks doesn’t talk shit to me? He does. It’s his MO. He likes to cause chaos. Whatever is wrong with that kid, it’s internal. He is trying to get to us and make us act out. I don’t give him the satisfaction. I guess that’s why he moved on to you. Someone must have told him our history.”

“So we let him get away with it?” I say incredulously.

“Oh, absolutely not. We just have to have some finesse to it. He will get his when the time comes, but not right now. You need to get your head on straight. Last year is in the past. If you think you can move on from the shit, then I would love to mend the bridge between us. We don’t have to be friends, but you are one hell of a player. One of the best I’ve seen. You have the instincts to take you far in this game. Right now you are playing sloppy, but that’s because your head is in the wrong place. So get that shit straight and figure your life out. We need you out there. You are an asset to this team. We need you.”

His words hit me in the same place that outcast feeling did before, only this time, it feels a little lighter.

“Don’t blow smoke up my ass,” I spit out.

“When have you ever known me to say something I don’t mean?” He quirks an eyebrow at me.

He’s right. He makes sure his words are what he means. It’s what makes him a good captain, though I will never admit it to him.

“I’ll try my best,” I manage to say through gritted teeth.

He nods, looking satisfied. “Good. Take the rest of practice off. I’ll take the blame for it with Coach. Tomorrow, I want a more level-headed Cooper. Got it?”

I nod. “Yeah. Got it.”

As he leaves the locker room, I wonder if this means things between us will get better. Will I stop resenting him for the destruction he caused in my life?

Again, it’s all up to time.