Page 23

twenty-two

B rr.

I can’t help but shiver as I walk across campus to the administration building. While the temperature has been slowly going down each day, this morning it feels more than obvious that Halloween is right around the corner.

My social media has been filled with cute little towns that go all out for the holidays, hanging ghosts from lamp posts while hanging pumpkin lights in trees. I never knew towns like that existed, and now I’m obsessed.

I wonder if there are any close to us. Maybe Kellan and I can go on a little date to one.

Shaking my head, I make my way inside and down the hall to the door I need.

“Hi, how can I help you today?” the woman behind the counter asks.

“Morning, I have a meeting with Miss Monroe.”

The woman looks at her computer screen and nods. “Cora?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Perfect. How about you take a seat, and I’ll call her to let her know you are here?” she says as she picks up the phone.

“Thank you.” I offer her a smile before walking over to the chairs they have against the glass wall.

Before I can even sit down, someone says my name.

“Cora? You can come right on back. How are you?” she asks as I fall into step behind her.

“I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m great. Thanks for asking,” she says as we walk into her office. “Please, take a seat.”

I do as she says and sit down. I watch as she rounds her desk and shuffles through a few papers.

“Sorry, you are my first student this morning, so I’m not as organized as I usually am.”

“It’s okay. Take your time.”

I wait a few minutes and watch her work. The clock ticking in the background seems to grow louder by the minute, setting me slightly on edge. I don’t know why, but sitting in here almost makes me feel like I’m sitting in the principal’s office, about to be in trouble.

She leans forward and rests her elbows on her desk. “Okay, sorry about that. Now tell me, how are your classes going?”

“Well. I’m passing everything.”

“Yes, I see that you’re passing, but how do you feel about the classes?” she asks kindly.

For a moment, I hesitate. I want to tell her that they are pointless and a waste of time. That I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything inside of a classroom this year on campus that I didn’t already know.

“So far they seem repetitive,” I say cautiously.

She nods. “You aren’t the first person to say that. The first half of the school year can be tricky for students. Especially freshmen, depending on the classes.” She tilts her head to the side. “Although, personally, I think some subjects stay the same all around.”

“So it’s not just me?”

“Oh, most definitely not.”

“Phew.” I pretend to wipe sweat from my brow, making her laugh.

“Have you thought about a major? I saw that you were undeclared when you started the year.”

“I was thinking about social work.”

Miss Monroe’s head bobs. “Very admirable profession and definitely isn’t for the weak. Do you have any experience?”

“Some. I’ve been volunteering over at DHS since the school year started.”

“Oh really? How are you liking it?”

“I love it, honestly. The people are great, and I love my boss.”

“That’s what I like to hear. We can totally get you set up to take classes you need for that major if that’s what you want.”

I open my mouth but shut it.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks, reading me like a book.

“Honestly, I was contemplating dropping out. I feel like I’m here for the wrong reasons, and I kind of feel guilty that someone else could be using my grant or have my spot here who really wants it. Martha at DHS offered me a job that I can start right away without a degree. They even have a program that will pay for school if I want to come back later down the road.”

She nods slowly. “And you’re thinking about taking it…”

“I am.”

“Let me check something real quick.” She turns toward her computer and starts typing. After a few minutes, she turned back toward me. “Okay, let me start by saying that this is one hundred percent your decision. Only you know what’s best for you. The last thing I want is for you to be miserable doing something you don’t want to. With that said, though, your grant goes until May. If you choose to stay in school, you will have to reapply, but as long as you meet their requirements, you’ll get it. If you choose to drop out at Christmas, though, that grant won’t go to anyone until next year. They won’t pick someone new to give it to. Same thing with your status here at the university. We are no longer accepting new students for January. So again, the slot you give up wouldn’t go to someone else, not yet at least.”

“Okay…”

“Personally, if I were you, I would tough it out for the rest of the year. Your costs are covered, and you would be able to have all your gen-ed classes out of the way if and when you decide to come back. Again, the choice is yours. I’m just telling you how it looks on our end.”

Chewing on my lip, I run my hand through my hair. I don’t know what to do. Part of me was hoping that when I came in here this morning, she would tell me exactly what I wanted to hear. That I could easily leave and someone could take my place without missing a step, but of course it’s not that easy. There is also the idea that I would have had to move back home if I dropped out in January. So maybe this is the sign I needed to finish out the year.

“Have you talked to your loved ones about this?” she asks.

“No, not yet,” I admit.

“You should. Sometimes another perspective can help us make the right decision.”

Kellan instantly comes to mind. Should I be figuring him into all of this? Will he support me in my decision, or will he be like my mom, who instantly dismissed the thought?

Kellan would never.

“You’re right.” I stand. “Thank you. For everything.”

Miss Monroe stands and holds her hand out to shake mine. “Of course. My door is always open if you need to talk.”

Smiling, I leave her office. When I step outside, the chill slaps me in the face, stealing my breath. It almost feels like it resets my system in a way.

Knowing what I need to do, I pull out my phone and shoot off a text.

Me

Hey, are you busy? I want to run something by you.

* * *

My heart races as I run up the steps into Cora’s dorm building. I don’t know why, but her text made unease rush through me. Especially when she said that she wanted to meet in private.

My mind races with the possibilities of what she wants to talk about. Did something happen between the last time I saw her and now? Did I do something wrong? Did fucking Monica harass her again?

Hurrying my steps, I make my way to her dorm room door and knock. Seconds later, Cora answers with a small smile on her face.

“Hey, hotshot, thanks for coming,” she says as she steps to the side.

Okay, she seems fine, so that means we’re good, right?

“Hey, are you okay?” she asks.

Shaking my head, I realize she was waiting for me to come inside.

“Are we okay?” I blurt out, unable to make my feet move until I know for sure.

Cora’s eyes soften. “We are great, Kellan. This isn’t bad, I promise.”

Taking a deep breath, I nod and step inside. I pull her body into mine as the door falls shut behind me.

“I’m sorry to make you worry,” she murmurs against my chest.

“It’s okay.”

She pops up on her tiptoes and gives me a sweet kiss. All too soon, she pulls away.

“Come on.” She grabs me by the hand and drags me toward her bed. I sit down with my feet hanging over the edge with my back to the wall. Cora doesn’t curl up into my side like normal, though. Instead she sits on the edge of the bed, facing me.

My anxiety spikes again when I see that she’s wringing her hands together.

“Beautiful, I need you to put me out of my misery and tell me what’s going on. I’m a fuckin’ wreck over here,” I admit.

“So, I had to meet with my adviser today, and I want your opinion on something.”

“Okay…”

“Look, I’m just going to come out and say it. I really, really want to drop out.”

Shit, that’s it? Here I was thinking it was something serious when all it is is her wanting to do something different.

I shrug. “So do it.”

Confusion fills her face. “Wait, what? Don’t you want to know why?”

“I mean, yeah, but why would I try to change your mind about something you feel that strongly about? It’s your life, Cora. I can’t make you do something you don’t want to.”

“I…” She shakes her head. “This is not how I saw things going.”

“Me neither,” I quip, making her laugh. “Okay, tell me.”

Nodding, she takes a deep breath. “So you know how I love my volunteer work?”

“Of course.”

“Well, I found out that to work there, like to earn a paycheck there, I don’t have to have a college degree. I can do the same thing I’m doing now but be on the payroll. If I take the job, they are willing to pay for my schooling down the line if that’s what I want.”

“And you want to drop out to work there.”

“I do.”

“What’s stopping you from doing it then?”

Cora winces. “My mom. Clay. Society?”

“One, fuck society. You don’t have to have a fancy piece of paper that puts you in debt to be a functioning member of society. Second, your mom and Clay both love you. I’m sure if you told them your plan, they would support you.”

She looks down at her hands, still wringing her fingers together. “I don’t know. I tried to broach the subject with my mom, but she shut it down. She thought it was about the money, but that’s not it at all.”

Unable to take it any longer, I reach over and pull her into my arms and lace my fingers through hers.

“Then try again. If you want, I’ll go with you to talk to her in person about it. That way she knows you’re serious.”

Cora looks up at me and searches my eyes. “Really?”

“Really.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Because it can be. Will I miss seeing you on campus all the time? Sure, but that doesn’t mean I won’t see you at all. You’ll still be here in town.”

“I will,” she says softly.

“Then we are good, beautiful.”

“What about you?”

I frown. “What about me?”

“Well, if we’re making plans for me, what are yours?”

“You mean with school or hockey?”

She shrugs. “Both.”

I blow out a breath. “If you would have asked me this question last year, I would have told you I would be entering the draft at the end of the season.”

“But now?”

“I want to stay. Shit, Cora, I’ve learned so much about myself this year it isn’t even funny. I feel like I’m a better hockey player than I was last year, and I know if I stay and with the help of Coach, I’ll only get better. Is there a risk of injury? Of course, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“So you want to enter the draft at the end of your senior year? Like Clay is doing?”

“I do.”

“I won’t lie. I like the idea of having you to myself for two more years,” she says with a little smile.

“I like that too, beautiful.”

“You know, if you would have entered this year, you could have gone with Clay.”

“I could have, but it’s not the right call. I want to see what I can do here first. Besides, after last year, I want to prove to myself that I’m not in his shadow. That I’m doing all of this for the right reasons and not because I’m trying to compete with him.”

“I get not wanting to live in his shadow,” she says softly.

“Beautiful, you can’t be in his shadow when all you do is light up any room you walk into.”

Cora rolls her eyes and giggles. “That was cheesy.”

I squeeze her tight. “You like it.”

“I do.”

“So are we good? Do we have a game plan?”

“We’re good. You and me, together and living here for the next two years. Once you enter the draft, we can make a new plan.”

“Fuck, beautiful, I like hearing you talk about our future that far down the road.”

“It’s going to be a wild ride, I’m sure.”

A wild ride that hopefully ends up with me wearing a ring that she puts on my finger and her with my last name.

Fuck, I hope this all works out. I need it to, because I don’t know what I would do without her next to me.