Page 10

nine

I let myself into my dorm room and pause when I see Peyton there. Lately it feels like we’ve been passing ships. It doesn’t help that I haven’t really been in a talkative mood with her.

“Hey, I thought you had to work tonight,” I say as I shut the door behind me.

Peyton smiles at me as she puts her clothes away. “Hey, I was supposed to, but then they called and told me I could have tonight off because it’s dead.”

“I don’t know if I should say sorry or not.” I laugh, feeling a bit awkward around her.

I know Mom has mixed feelings every time she gets called out. She loved the unexpected time she got to spend with us, but at the same time, she ended up worrying about how much money she lost out on by not going in.

Peyton shrugs. “It’s fine. I worked like crazy this summer, so I should be okay for a minute.”

“Good.”

“Listen, I really am sorry about telling Grace. At first, I just wanted them to know where you were, but then Clay said they were going to check up on you, and I knew I fucked up. Please know I didn’t do it on purpose. I love you and respect you more than that.”

Her words settle the little bit of anger still residing in me. I know she didn’t mean it, but I wasn’t ready to hear her say it. Not until now.

“I forgive you. I might not be willing to share my location with you anymore, but Clay does what he wants. He is the overprotective big brother.”

She nods. “I won’t tell them again. You can trust me, and I will prove it. I didn’t realize how he would be. I swear.”

“He’s not been around much during my dating years, so I didn’t know he would go that far either. It’s okay. Truly.”

She nods slowly. “Soooo if we are okay…”

“Yes?” I say, knowing what she wants to know.

“Spill, girlfriend.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say as I sit on my bed, pretending I don’t know what she’s talking about, but I know Grace told her.

Peyton turns so she can look right at me and raises a brow. “Don’t think I don’t know who you were seen kissing not that long ago at the club. Kellan Cooper, seriously?”

Groaning, I throw myself to the side and cover my face with my arm. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, that’s too damn bad, now spill.”

“I like him, and before you say anything, he had no idea who I was, so I know he wasn’t playing me from the start. Or at least I don’t think he was.” I look over at her. “Am I stupid for trusting him?”

Peyton sighs and stares at the wall. “Look, I’ve never hidden how I feel about Kellan. I think he’s a grade A asshole who didn’t know what he had until he lost it, but at the end of the day, I know for Grace to hang around as long as she did that he can’t be all that bad. I’m a firm believer that a tiger can change their stripes and that you shouldn’t hold someone’s past against them unless it’s truly heinous, like rape or pedophilia, know what I mean?”

“I do.”

She nods. “So as far as I know, he’s done nothing like that. I think if you like him, really like him, then maybe you should give him a shot. Give him a chance to show you that he is more than the little boy throwing tantrums last year, but I do think you should talk to Grace.”

I rub my face with my hands. “God, I had coffee with her a while ago, and I almost blurted it out. I wanted to tell her so bad, but at the same time, I couldn’t make the words leave my mouth.”

Peyton laughs. “Hey, I get it. You get zero judgment from me. You know she knows, right? She’s the one who saw you.”

“Oh, I know. Her and Clay.” I cringe.

“Good. Now let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” I ask as I get up, and she does the same.

“We are going over to the hockey house so you can talk to Grace.”

“How do you know she’s home? She might be in class or have plans with Clay.”

Peyton rolls her eyes and shoves me toward the door. “Come on, stop being a little bitch and let’s go. I know she’s home by the way because I was supposed to be there an hour ago to hang out with everyone.”

“Maybe I should stay here and let you guys have your night.”

“You aren’t getting out of this, girlfriend. Might as well quit wasting your breath,” she quips as she links her arm through mine.

Leaving the dorms, we start our walk across campus.

“At least it’s nice out today.”

Peyton tips her chin toward the sky. “Yeah, there won’t be too many more days like this before winter sets in.”

“Hey, don’t wish away the fall from me,” I tease, making her laugh.

“You know, for as short of a walk this is, I hate it.”

“I’m still surprised you agreed to room with me. Especially when you could have lived with all of them.”

Peyton shrugs. “I honestly don’t mind the dorms. Yeah, the rooms are kind of small, but I don’t have a lot of things, and it’s a roof over my head that I don’t have to worry about.”

Before I can think of anything to say to that, we walk up the steps of the house. Peyton opens the door and we walk inside.

“Honey, I’m home!” she yells.

Beckett peeks around the corner and smiles. “Hey, you two. What are you doing here?”

“We’re here to hang out with Grace,” Peyton tells him, practically ignoring him as she walks by him.

Beckett looks at me and raises a brow. “How are you doing, Hellraiser?”

“Hellraiser, really?”

“I mean, if the shoe fits…”

Peyton stomps back, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the stairs. “Stop giving her a hard time when she has enough guilt to sink the Titanic. Grace in her room?”

“Yeah, she was getting some studying done while waiting for you to show,” he says as we pass him. “Hey, Cora?” he says, making me pause and look over my shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t beat yourself up too much. You’re only human, and you can’t help who you like.”

I don’t miss how his eyes find Peyton’s back as she continues up the stairs. I have no idea what is going on with them, but the tension between the two could stifle a room.

“Thanks, Beck.” I smile and continue up the steps.

I pause right outside of Grace’s door and watch as she and Peyton laugh. While I adore both Grace and Peyton, sometimes I wish I had someone who just got me like they get each other.

“Knock knock. Can I come in?”

Grace looks over at me, and I wait for her smile to drop, but it never does.

“Hey, I was wondering when you would stop avoiding me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say as I walk into her room and drop down into the beanbag she has set up in the corner.

Grace rolls her eyes. “Sure you don’t.”

“Fine, maybe a little bit,” I say, holding up two fingers almost touching.

“So Kellan was the guy that you were telling me about, huh?”

“Yep.”

She tilts her head to the side and studies me. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Unable to find the words to explain myself, I shrug.

“She was worried you wouldn’t approve,” Peyton says, chiming in as she scrolls on her phone while she lies on Grace’s bed.

Grace shakes her head as she frowns. “That’s dumb.”

“Is it though?” Peyton asks from her spot.

Grace looks over at her and glares. “Yes.” Grace looks back at me. “You know I don’t care if you want to date him, right?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what I know right now,” I confess.

“Okay, well then tell me, do you have feelings for him?”

“Yes…” I whisper as I stare up at the ceiling.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see her nod. “Good. Then I think you should go for it.”

I tip my head forward and stare at her. “Really?”

“Really.”

“I…”

Grace sighs. “Look, I’ve known Kellan since high school. Even with shit being weird between us, he’s still one of my best friends, and I want nothing but the best for him. I want him to be as happy with someone as I am with your brother. If that person is you, then I’m all for it.”

I open my mouth, but no words come out.

“Oh come on, you can’t be too surprised,” Peyton teases.

Grace picks up a pillow off the floor and chucks it at her. “Stop teasing her.”

“Never,” Peyton quips.

Grace sighs and turns back toward me. “I don’t know exactly what I saw the other night, but I think it’s clear that you need to sit down with Kellan and figure that out. If you give him another shot, which I think you should, then I hope you are the one who ends up healing his heart and giving him what he needs. Because I can promise you, that man has a lot of love to give.”

“Are you sure?” I press.

“I’m positive. You have my blessing.” She rolls her eyes. “Not that you need it. You know he was willing to take a punch from Clay for you, right? Like I saw it in his eyes. He would have taken it and not fought back. That’s huge. He hated Clay last year. Instead, he practically begged him in his own way for his blessing to date you. Clay is the one who told him about your favorite flower, pizza, and ice cream. I only knew the candy.”

My heart hammers in my chest. I never considered that Clay was the one who told him. That Kellan asked Clay.

“I had no idea,” I murmur.

She smiles. “Kellan never loved me. You don’t love someone and treat them the way he did me. I don’t hold that against him, though. He had some growing up to do, but the Kellan we spoke with two nights ago? He wasn’t the same kid from last year.”

Her words echo the ones that Kellan said to me today. She could see the difference in him with one short conversation.

Maybe he really has changed.

“Clay gave his blessing, by the way. If you want to date him, we won’t stand in your way.”

“I love you,” I blurt out.

She laughs. “I love you too.”

“And I love you two. Now can we move on to something more interesting to talk about, please?” Peyton moans.

“Sure, are you ever going to tell us what’s going on between you and Beckett?” Grace quips.

Peyton gasps dramatically. “How dare you…”

I tune them out, my mind still on Kellan. I don’t know what our future looks like, but I really am excited to see what happens.

* * *

My hands shake as I walk up to her dorm room. Taking a deep breath, I knock on her door before shoving them into my pockets. Cora answers the door with a smile on her face, making my heart race.

“You look beautiful.”

She rolls her eyes, but her smile stays intact. “I’m in a sweatshirt and jeans.”

I shrug. “You don’t need to dress up to be beautiful. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

She steps out of her room, letting the door fall shut behind her, and wraps her arms around my waist. Before she can let go, I wrap my arms around her and bury my face into her hair and breathe her in. I don’t know how she’s done it, but in such a short amount of time, she’s become such an important part of my life, and it’s been driving me crazy not knowing where we stand.

Even though we talked Monday, she wanted to wait until today to go out. It was a long five days, but Saturday is here, and now I get her to myself.

Not that I didn’t text her every day, praying she would still text me back. Each time she did, I felt my hope grow.

“Come on, you promised me a date. Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” she says when she pulls away.

“Honestly, I thought we could go do something low-key like one of those trails. The leaves have started to change colors, but we can do something else if you want.” I rub the back of my neck.

Shit, I’m messing this up, and I haven’t even managed to right my last wrong.

Cora shakes her head. “No, that works for me. I love fall.”

“Okay, cool. Let’s go.”

I lead her out of the dorms, and we start walking through campus. Along the backside of the university, they have trails and shit for people to run between campus and the sports complex.

“So…” she says after some brutal silence.

“So…”

Cora laughs. “This is weird, isn’t it?”

“Maybe just a little bit, but I’m sure we will find our way eventually.”

She reaches over and grabs my hand. “I should probably tell you that I talked to Grace.”

I close my eyes as my heart sinks in my chest. Fuck me. This is where she tells me it’s over and she never wants to see me again. “And…”

“She gave us her blessing…not that we need it, but she gave it. Clay did too, I guess, not that I asked him.”

I look down at her in surprise. “Wait, what?”

Cora nods as she looks forward. “Yep. She told me that if I want to be with you, she thinks it’s a great idea.”

“She said those exact words?”

“Not exactly verbatim, but yes.”

“Huh…”

“Peyton even told me that if Grace is your friend, you can’t really be that bad.”

“Is she dying?” I blurt out, making her laugh.

“I know, right? Totally unlike her, but no, she’s perfectly healthy. Or at least I think she is.”

“Well damn, color me surprised.”

“I don’t think that’s how that saying goes,” she says as she knocks her shoulder into my arm.

“It works, though.”

We fall silent again as we walk. I try to find the words to tell her what’s on my mind. I want to tell her that I’m thankful she decided to give me another chance. I want to promise her that I won’t ever fuck up where she’s concerned, but we both know that would be a lie. Relationships are never easy and are bound to get messy at some point. You can hurt someone when you’re not even trying.

“You know, I love fall,” she says, pulling me out of my head.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it speaks to my inner basic bitch,” she says, making me laugh.

“I don’t think there’s anything basic about you, beautiful.”

“Soon enough you’ll find out that you’re wrong.”

I squeeze her hand. “I hope so. Hell, there are a lot of things that I can’t wait to learn about you.”

“Yeah, like what?”

“What’s your favorite movie?”

I remember when Clay asked me what Grace’s favorites were, and I got it completely wrong. This time I’ll remember.

Cora’s nose crinkles. “Honestly, I don’t watch a lot of movies. I can binge-watch a seventeen-season show with twenty episodes a season, but movies put me to sleep.”

“Really?” I ask her. “I love movies. I can rewatch the same movies. The Predator franchise is one of my most-watched series. It’s my comfort noise in the background.”

She laughs. “I’ve never heard of them, but maybe we can watch them together sometime?”

“Sure.”

We fall back into silence. I try to come up with something else to say but come up with nothing. It’s never been this hard between us before, so I don’t know why it is now.

“You know what we should do one day?” she asks.

“What?”

“We should go skating.”

I raise my eyebrows. “You know how to skate?”

She looks over at me, her face full of confusion. “My brother is Clayton James, captain of the Walker Wolves, of course I do.”

“I just never pictured you on skates is all.”

“I’m not very good. Grace surpassed me skill-wise this summer while she was visiting, but I don’t fall on my ass.”

Grace knows how to skate? Since when?

Another slice of guilt hits me. Not once did I ever ask her if she wanted to learn to skate. She never hinted at being curious. Or was I so self-absorbed that I missed the signs?

“Hey, none of that,” Cora says as she pulls on my hand.

“None of what?” I ask as I feel like a piece of shit.

Cora comes to a stop and makes me look at her. “Okay, we need to figure this out now. I don’t want Grace and Clay to come between us.”

“I don’t want that either.”

She nods. “Okay, good. I don’t want to censor myself when it comes to them. They are a big part of my life, and I don’t want to worry that if I bring them up it will throw you off.”

“It won’t,” I say quickly, Cora raises a brow, and I correct myself. “Or I’ll try not to let it. It’s just weird. I started thinking about Grace skating, and I hated that I wasn’t there to watch her learn. I’m happy for her, really, I am. I just have a lot of guilt where she’s concerned. Besides, Clay told me that we would have to hang out with them if I dated you, and I accepted it. It’s not going to be an overnight thing to get over, though.”

“Then it sounds like you should probably talk to her about that and settle everything between you,” she tells me. “As for Clay, we will hang out with them, but I will give you time.”

“Thank you. You’re probably right about Grace. I’m afraid to talk to her, though.”

“Well, you should do it soon, so that way we can work on us. I want to be with you.”

“And I want to be with you too.”

“Good.”

“Good,” I repeat, making her smile. “You know, I really want to kiss you right now, but I won’t. Not until we are in the right place.”

The corners of her lips twitch. “I want you to kiss me too, but I can wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I know it will be worth it. Now come on, let’s enjoy this date before it becomes any more awkward than it currently is,” she teases, making me laugh.

I make a mental note right then and there to give this girl anything she wants. Especially skating lessons. I’m going to do things right with Cora.

I might not be worth it, but she definitely is.