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twenty

A knock at the door has me looking over my shoulder.

“What are you still doing here?” Martha asks.

“Oh, I was just finishing up my report on my last visit,” I tell her.

“You didn’t have to do it here. I know you have somewhere you have to be.”

“Huh?”

“You said earlier when you came in that you had to take off early and to make sure you did because your sister-in-law needed a ride somewhere,” Martha says gently.

“Shit!” I jump up and start grabbing my things. “I totally lost track of time.”

“Slow down, Cora, no need to rush and get yourself hurt. You have time, but if you wait much longer, you’ll be late.”

Taking a deep breath, I nod. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I usually am,” Martha quips.

“Can you handle this for me?” I hand her the report, and I put my bag over my shoulder.

“Of course. Drive safe, okay?”

“I will. Bye!”

I rush out of the building and head toward the car. I jump in and get it started. Grabbing my phone, I shoot off a quick text.

Me

I’m on my way.

Grace

Cool. Drive safe.

I put my phone away and then put on my seat belt. Leaving the parking lot, I smile when I see that overnight the city put up Halloween decorations on the light poles.

“About time, considering it’s already October,” I mutter to myself.

Fall holds a special place in my heart, but at the same time, I hate it because it means that winter is right around the corner. While I love winter in the beginning, by February, I’m over it and ready for spring.

I wonder if I could convince Kellan to go do a haunted house with me…

Thinking of Kellan makes me smile. I am so completely obsessed with him. Everything about being with him feels easy even though it’s not. It doesn’t feel like it’s a chore spending time with him like it has in the past with some of my exes.

He looks at me differently than my exes did and gets me off when they couldn’t.

I can’t help but chuckle as the thought crosses my mind. We’ve only had sex once, but it was…amazing. It felt right. I can’t wait for his fingers to dig into my hips again or to feel his skin on mine. We just need everyone to leave us alone so we can make it happen.

When neither of us is busy with classes, hockey, or work, it seems like one of our friends is always around. Either that or one of our roommates doesn’t get the hint to give us some privacy.

Just the other day, Kellan asked his roommate if he minded giving us the room for an hour, and the guy looked at Kellan and flat-out told him no. The guy claimed he had a gaming tournament that he couldn’t miss. The guy is so obsessed with video games I don’t even know why he’s at school. Surely his time would be better spent creating a gaming channel.

Even with our lack of making the magic happen, I’m happy. So fucking happy. I want to tell someone about it. I miss having a friend that I could spill all the dirty details of my relationship to. Sure, I could tell Peyton, but if I tell her, then Grace would most likely find out. Grace knowing I slept with Kellan would be weird, right? Maybe? I don’t know.

My mind is going a thousand miles a minute, and when I hear a loud pop and the steering wheel jerks, I jump.

“Shit!” I yell as I check my mirrors, making sure I can get over.

Once safely on the side of the road and the car is in park, I rub my chest. “This is why you don’t drive while distracted, Cora,” I mutter to myself.

Quickly, I turn on my hazard lights and then check the mirrors. When I see that the lane is clear, I get out. Rounding the car, I see that I have a flat back passenger side tire.

“Well, at least it wasn’t on the driver’s side closest to the road.”

Sighing, I go to the passenger door and open it. I lean across the center console and hit the button to pop the trunk. After manhandling the spare tire out of its hole, I grab the shitty jack that comes with all cars and set it on the ground.

Now all I need to do is change it and then go pick Grace up. I check my watch and cringe. I’m already late, and there’s no way I will make it to her in time.

Dammit, the one time Clay lends me the car to pick up Grace because he can’t, and I mess it up.

What to do. What to do.

Fuck it.

I go back to the front passenger seat and grab my phone out of my purse. I find the number I want and press Call.

“Pick up. Pick up,” I mumble to myself.

“Hey, beautiful, what’s up?” Kellan asks.

“Hey, are you busy?”

“No…what’s wrong?”

“I need a favor.”

“Name it,” he says with zero hesitation.

“I was supposed to pick up Grace, but I can’t. I got a flat tire, and by the time I change it I’m going to be super late.”

“Do you want me to come change it for you?” I hear him grabbing his keys, likely already headed out the door.

I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “No, I was actually hoping you would go pick her up for me.”

Kellan is quiet for so long that I pull the phone away from my ear to make sure the call is still connected.

“You there?” I ask.

Kellan clears his throat. “Do you think that’s a good idea? Me picking up Grace.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have a problem with it, but I don’t want to make you or Clay uncomfortable, or even her.”

“Hotshot, you won’t make any of us uncomfortable. It’s not a big deal. Now will you do it or not?”

He blows out a breath. “Yeah, I can do that. As long as you’re good with it.”

“I’m good with it.”

“Okay, where am I going?”

“I’ll text it to you.”

“Okay, let me know when you get that tire changed and are on your way back from campus, okay? If you need help, don’t be afraid to call me.”

“I will, and Kellan?”

“Yeah, beautiful?”

“Thank you.”

* * *

My hands shake as I start my truck.

Part of me is torn. I want to go to Cora and help her. She shouldn’t have to change a tire on her own. That’s why she has me, right? I should do the typical guy tasks for her, but no. She asked me to pick up Grace for her. Cora doesn’t ask for much, so I do as she asks even though it goes against all my instincts.

I pull up in front of the building and see Grace sitting on the steps. Putting the truck in park, I jump up and round the hood. “Grace.”

She looks up and frowns. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Cora asked me to pick you up. She got tied up,” I tell her as I open the passenger side door.

Grace stands and walks toward me. “Is she okay? She texted me and told me she was on her way. I was starting to worry because she should have been here by now.”

“She got a flat tire.”

Grace opens her mouth, but I raise my hand to cut her off.

“I offered to change her tire for her, but she turned me down. She was more worried about you than anything else. Now get in.”

Grace rolls her eyes but does as I ask.

“I forgot how demanding you can be,” she mumbles as I shut the door.

Rounding the hood, I get into the driver’s seat. “So why was Cora picking you up?” I ask as I start the truck and start driving.

“Oh, Clay had a study session tonight. He says I’m too distracting to be his study partner these days. He was going to leave early, but Cora volunteered to pick me up.”

“Ahh.”

We fall silent. It’s the first time we’ve been alone together since the end of last year and it’s…weird. We never had a problem with filling the silence before, but now we don’t know what to say to each other.

Don’t lie. You know what needs to be said. You know you need to make your amends.

I know I need to, but it’s hard. How do you even start that kind of conversation?

“Hey, are you okay?” she asks, cutting off my runaway thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re squeezing the shit out of the steering wheel,” she says, looking at my hands.

Wincing, I look down at my hands and see, sure enough, I’m squeezing it so tight that my knuckles have turned white.

Loosening my grip, I sigh. “Do you have anywhere you have to be?”

“No…”

“Can we go somewhere and talk? I have some things I want to say to you.”

She hesitates for a second. “Sure. Milkshakes?”

“Works for me.” I turn on my blinker and head toward the chain ice cream shop I know we both like.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grace pull out her phone and shoot off a text.

“Cora messaged me. She apologized for not being able to pick me up. She’s on her way back to campus now.”

“So she got the tire taken care of?”

“Sounds like she got the donut on it for now. So yeah.”

“I’ll check her tires and see if all of them need replacing or if only the two do.”

“Kellan, you need to be careful,” she warns as I pull into the ice cream shop.

“With what?”

“The James siblings can be a little prideful when it comes to money. If she doesn’t want you to cover the cost, then don’t, okay?”

“But if I can help…”

“I know, but still. It’s hard for me too, but it’s one of those things you shouldn’t push. Trust me.”

I rub my face. “I don’t like it, but okay.”

We both get out of the truck and head toward the shop.

“Thank you,” she says when I hold the door open for her.

“You’re welcome.”

We go up to the counter and place our orders. She gets a chocolate brownie shake while I get a strawberry one. It almost feels like old times.

Almost.

“Thanks for paying,” she says as we sit down.

“Of course.”

“So what did you want to talk about?”

Taking a deep breath, I jump right in. “I’m sorry.”

She raises a brow. “Sorry for?”

“For everything?” I say, making us both laugh for a moment. “For real, I’m so sorry for last year. For all the years before then. For not being what you needed. Even more than that. For not noticing that I wasn’t being what you needed. My selfishness knew no bounds, and you got caught in the crossfire. I took advantage of you. Of the friendship you were offering me. I was an idiot, and I fucked it all up. You will never know how deeply I regret it.”

“So just everything,” she jokes, winking at me.

“Everything.” I nod.

Grace bites her bottom lip as she plays with the straw in her shake. I know she’s trying to gather her thoughts, so I wait her out.

“You caused me a lot of pain. I think part of me broke in the eleventh grade when you told me we could never be together.”

My heart feels like it’s in a vise.

“I know. I was in such a shitty place then. I had this hockey career ahead of me. Girls were throwing themselves at me. Then you, the only woman I ever trusted, said you wanted to be with me, and I panicked. Part of me wanted to say yes to spare your feelings and fulfill my mom’s wishes. The other part couldn’t handle the thought of having to fake it with you. I knew if I had said yes, we would have broken up, and my best friend would be gone. It was a shitty way to let you down, but I didn’t know what else to do. It broke my heart to watch you run off to the bathroom to cry. I never forgot about it.”

Her eyes look glassy now. I really hope she doesn’t cry. I could never handle her tears.

“Back then, it felt like the end of the world, but you know what I’ve learned?” she asks.

“What?” I ask.

“Sometimes we have to face some really tough times to be able to appreciate the good ones. Each experience you have helps you build character. It’s not about what you go through, it’s about how you react to it. Not only that, but when you do make a mistake, how do you learn from it and try to be better.”

I nod solemnly. I didn’t react well. I hope I’m learning, though.

“You should know I forgive you.”

I feel my body relax at her words. Thank fuck.

“But you know it wasn’t all your fault, right?”

I shake my head, caught off guard. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, you did shit last year that never should have happened. You should have taken my rejection the first time and respected what I wanted, but it wasn’t entirely your fault. I let you walk all over me for years. We did everything you wanted to do, and I did it happily. I was good with it at the time. I thought I could wait forever for you to love me back, but that wasn’t fair to you. It wasn’t fair to push my feelings on you so hard. Especially now that I know you felt that pressure from your mom too. You could have never loved me the way that I needed.”

“I couldn’t, and it fucking kills me. I wanted to,” I murmur.

Grace nods. “I know you did. I might not have known it at the time, but I knew it when I saw the way you were attempting to fight for me. Your heart wasn’t in it. Maybe things would have been different if I told you what I wanted or if I had yelled at you for how you were treating me, but we will never know. As far as I’m concerned, though, it’s water under the bridge. We’ve both moved on, and we’re happy. You are happy, right?” she presses.

“For the most part, yeah.”

“What aren’t you happy about?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

“I miss our friendship. I miss my best friend. I love Cora, and she’s becoming my best friend, but…”

“But sometimes you need one who isn’t your partner.” She smiles.

“Exactly.”

“I miss you too sometimes,” she confesses.

“Don’t say that too loud or Peyton might hear you.,” I tease, making her laugh.

“Oh god, she would be so jealous.”

“I can only imagine the fit she would throw.”

“It would be dreadful,” she quips.

We fall silent for a moment, and for the first time since shit fell apart between us, it doesn’t feel like a cloud is hanging over us.

“So are we good?” I ask.

Grace looks up at me. “Yeah, Kellan, we’re good.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Me too.”

We get up, tossing our empty shake cups into the trash. Then I drive her to the hockey house.

Before she jumps out of the truck, she turns to me. “Hey, Kells?”

“Yes, Gracie?”

“You never once looked at me the way you look at her. Treat her the way she deserves.”

As she shuts the door, I don’t bother telling her I will. That promise isn’t for her.

It’s for the girl I’m head over heels in love with.