Page 171 of Brainwashed

His mouth is so damn filthy, I’m losing my mind. And while I’m coming down from my high, listening to his wicked words, all I can think is…

I love you. I’m in love with you.

It’s playing on repeat in my brain. Different kinds of words than what’s spewing from his mouth, but still so insistent I have to chomp down on my lip to stop them from breaking free.

Lem fizzles down from his orgasm, and we stay wrapped around each other for minutes in silence. Just listening to his playlist of eighties music, which is exactly the same as the one I used to listen to when I wasfree.

The same exact songs I’d put on to flit around my apartment while eating Chinese food. Sometimes I’d dance with Want. Sometimes I would sing to whoever was still in the bathtub.

These songs hold so many memories for me, and here they are. Being played by the man with whom I am now in desperate, hopeless love.

“I can’t believe you like eighties music…” I allow myself to drawl sleepily.

Lem’s fingers run up and down my back, comforting me with his sated touch. “Why can’t you believe it? It makes more sense for me to listen to it than you. You’re basically a child.”

I chuckle, and I’m not sure how, but I can feel him smiling. “You never said anything when I told you I love Tears For Fears and Depeche Mode…”

“Because we weren’t talking about me.” He sighs, fingering the hair at the back of my neck. It feels life-affirming.

“Right. We’re always talking about me,” I mumble, forcing myself off of his chest so that I can look up at him. My eyes drop for a second. “Where are these from?” I ask hesitantly, my fingers brushing the uneven skin on his throat.

He blinks at me, and for a very brief moment, I see a scared boy. The person who received these scars…

But he covers it up quickly, jaw ticking. “We’re still not talking about me, Felix.”

“Why not?” I ask. “You’re not my doctor right now.”

“Yes, I am,” he says pointedly.

I gulp, not liking where this conversation is going. “But… you’re notonlymy doctor. Right…?”

He stares at me for what feels like an eternity. And suddenly I want to take it all back. I want to crawl into a corner and curl into a ball.

“No,” he breathes. And my dread retreats.

I know I shouldn’t push… But I can’t help it. “What are you?”

He takes my chin between his fingers. “I’m covered in your blood. Let’s get cleaned up.”

I knew I wouldn’t get anything out of him.I don’t even know why I tried.

Whatever.I don’t want that to ruin the mood, because that sex was unfuckingbelievable. Unparalleled by anything.

“Best orgasm ever,” I yawn, and Lem grins.

I really like how he doesn’t hide them as much now. They’re still rare, his little smiles and chuckles, but he’s becoming less stingy with them. It feels like a reward.

He grabs my hips to steady me. “I’m going to pull out, baby. But I want you to hold that cum inside you. Don’t spill a drop, understand?”

My tired dick flinches as I nod.Jesus, this man is a freak. It’s so hot, I might die.

Lem helps me up, pulling me off his softening cock. I clench as hard as I can, biting the inside of my cheek while my face heats under his gaze. I know he’s scrutinizing me, and he’s going to search for that cum in a minute, so I better not let any out.

We both stand up on shaky legs, glancing down at the water. It’s red. And I mean fuckingred. We spilled a lot of blood in there, which reminds me.

I check the cuts on my chest. The X he made over my heart, like a pirate’s buried treasure.X marks the spot…The bleeding seems to have slowed, but it’s still bubbling up a bit. The one on Lem’s chest is still trickling.

“I’ll clean them up after we shower,” he tells me, confident in his words.