Page 128 of Brainwashed

Gazing down at him, he looks so hopeful. I don’t want to crush him, but I think I have to. None of this makes any sense.

“I don’t know. We’ll see.” I straighten myself up while Felix just sits on the floor, pulling his pants back up and fidgeting in place.

“The rest of the food is yours,” I mumble. “Just don’t leave it out. Roaches…”

He nods, but says nothing.

I open the cell door, ready to jump through it and run. But I peek at him one last time over my shoulder. He’s sitting there, flushed, disheveled, and even though I don’t think Icanadmit it to myself… He’s sort of beautiful.

My lips part, but I have no idea what to say.

So I simply utter a robotic, “Goodnight, Felix.”

And I leave with the slam of the padded cell door.

“What the fuck happened in here?”

My eyes peel open at the sound of the raspy, displeased female voice. It takes me a moment to remember where I am, which never really happens to me. At least, it hasn’t since I’ve been locked up.

But this time, I’m groggy. Like I was buried six feet deep in the grave of undisturbed slumber. My mind becomes suddenly frantic, trying to remember if I dreamt.

I don’t think I did… I don’t recall any details. Still, I feel like I just came out of a coma.

“Yo, killer bee…” Joy steps farther into the cell, avoiding the empty Chinese food containers scattered everywhere. She bends to look in my eyes, then snaps her fingers in front of my face. “You with me?”

I flinch and back up, rubbing my eyes. “Yea, I’m fine. I wasasleep, in case you didn’t pick that up from the fact that my eyes were closed.”

“Don’t be a smartass,” she rumbles. “Look at this mess. Who do you think is gonna clean this up??”

“Claude.” I shrug.

She makes a face. “Yea, I guess you’re right.” Then she grabs me by the arm. “But still, get it together, homeboy. I need to bring you for a shower, and I don’t have all day.”

She hauls me to my feet, and I wobble a bit. My legs feel like jelly…Man, I was out cold.

Is this what comes from consistent orgasms? I feel so refreshed.

Maybe Dr. Love was right… Maybe Ihaven’tbeen truly satisfied with my sex life. Until now.

The memories of last night ripple through my mind like a sparkly wave of bright colors and dazzling sensations. My flesh instantly sheets with goosebumps and I slowly rub my arms.

Recalling that I’m standing next to Joy, I peek at her, and she narrows her gaze at me.

“Why is your straitjacket off?” she asks suspiciously. “And where’d you get the food?”

My lips part, but nothing comes out. Her jaw ticks visibly.

“Let me guess… Dr. Dickwad.” She gets up in my face. I back up instinctively until I hit the wall. “Listen here, you whacked out little brat. Do you have any idea what your pal has done to this island? What he started?? We’re all fucked now because of that shit he pulled.”

“Why is everyone acting likehe’sthe one who fucked up?” I mutter in disbelief. “I’m the one who killed O’Malley.Me. Blame me, not him.”

Her head tilts. “It’s sweet that you’re defending him, #89, but facts are facts. How did you get access to O’Malley in the first place, hm?” I blink at her, speechless. “That’s what I thought. His actions are the stone that caused the ripples we’re all being forced to dodge now. Inmates escaped, lives fucking lost… All because of him.”

The muscles in my body are bunched up, a tightness squeezing my chest that I can’t breathe away. I want so badly to defend Dr. Love. I don’t want them to come for him, even though I guess technically she’s right.

Maybe if I hadn’t killed O’Malley… Maybe if I hadn’t let Dash leave…

I blink hard, keeping my eyes closed for a few seconds while my stomach ties up in knots.