Page 6

Cole: April 2022

She keeps asking about going on another date together. Telling me how much she wants to see me and frankly it’s overwhelming. I do want to see her, but I also want to do it at my own pace, which is really fucking slowly. Luna wants to move a little faster, now, I have been sexting her like a fucking maniac, sending her pics of my dick by her request which she has gone feral over.

Women always talk online about how they are not attracted to dick pics and yet, this one wants to devour my cock and soul. I’m a little bit scared of her, there’s always been something a little off about Luna. She’s reminding me of a black widow, of wanting to fuck me then eat me. As if this is all a ruse where I’ll lose my head. Both of them!

What’s worse is it doesn’t terrify me as much as it should, in fact, that little tingle I get is what causes me to pause. I want her to fuck me up.

Jesus fucking fuck me Christ

Talking to Luna about sex has horrified me though. Really opened my eyes about how badly she has been treated in the past. It always makes me wonder if she does understand consent herself? Luna seems to know what consent is when it comes to me, always giving me reassurances but lacks awareness of what she is allowed to say no to. The fact that she is allowed to say no. That seemed to be a revelation for her.

For all my friends worry about Luna lying about rape, which I know she would never. I’ve seen how those things have affected her in the past. I do worry about her feeling like she must do sex acts and unintentionally putting her at risk only to regret it later. I don’t want that for her.

Some things though she is extremely knowledgeable about and is teaching me. I hadn’t heard of what a praise kink is before and enjoy her messaging me examples of what she likes. She asks me what kind of porn I watch, and I tell her I mainly watch gangbangs, double penetration.

Luna: That’s hot, do you think about me being fucked by lots of different guys?

Me: Absolutely fucking not

Luna: No? You wouldn’t want to watch different men take my pussy and fill me up with their cum?

I almost lost it; I can’t even handle the image of that.

Me: No, I like watching it in porn, but I never want to see anyone touch you. I don’t want anyone touching you except me

Luna: Really? A little possessive then?

Me: You’re mine.

Luna: I like you think that

When I get myself, this worked up, I kill someone. Ever since finding out that she had been harmed all those years ago, it changed my opinion on men and women a little. I can’t feel empathy so it’s hard for me to understand what a person goes through or feels in those moments but then I found out that she had been hurt, and badly. That changed something inside for me, I stopped focusing on my own pain and instead knew what I had to do.

I would kill men, the awful ones who did things like that to women. Or children. As much as that had been myself once, I couldn’t count myself amongst those people because I must kill. I never had anything to control those urges and there was nothing and no one to turn to for help.

I can’t justify what I did to those first few women back in the beginning, but I never raped them, only murdered them. It was an output for my anger. It did make me feel better but the satisfaction I get when I kill a rapist, or a child abuser is unbelievably high. It may just be the best feeling in the world. Perhaps not as good as I know feeling the inside of my beloved’s cunt would be, but it’s a close second.

It also makes me feel like I’m helping her in a way, that maybe if Luna finds out that she might not hate me exactly. Her views of the world seem a little off centre from other people, so maybe, there’s hope but I can't dwell on that too much.

I can never tell her, deep down I do know that.

Also, as much as I would love to kill every asshole that has mishandled her, I can’t. It’s too big a risk and long a list. The links would come back around, and I could end up leading the police right to me. By only targeting those who have been released back into the public after serving time, I feel like I am helping society. Keeping people a little safer.

Like this piece of shit that sits in a chair before me now. The flat adjacent to mine had been empty for a while after a leak in its roof. The price when the landlord went to sell was lower because of the damage and repairs needed. It was a bargain and again, seemed too much like a great idea to waste. A whole two-bedroom flat where I can keep a person for days and no one will know. There’s no neighbour on that side, just a large open field that cuts across to the local park.

The park itself is lovely, and I’ve thought about going for walks there with Sundrop a lot. She likes walking too, always sending me pictures of the scenery when she’s out and about. She’ll send me what audiobook or music she is listening to. I know that since I told her about my favourite podcast, she took an interest in it. She’s been listening to it, and we’ve been discussing the serial killers. Luna is so far behind me she has no hope of ever catching up. That doesn’t stop her from trying though.

When I take walks, which I try to do each day I try to do the same with her. Taking pictures of flowers or interesting trees, I think she might like. Telling her about what I’m listening to. I might try audiobooks; she swears by them.

I’ve also thought about all the trees I could take her against, just fucking her out in the open. There’s something about the fresh air and silence of the woods that makes me horny. She knows I deliberately take walks across the town and back, mainly because I always have an insane amount of energy stored up and leaves me feeling too anxious if I don’t. I like to get my steps in.

Still, this man if you can even call him that won’t be alive much longer. He’s a convicted sex offender who liked to bully his victims further by threatening to post online the videos he made against their will, during the rape. He would keep them at a secondary location which turned out to be a worn-down warehouse on the outskirts of town. This was a horrific ordeal for the victim. Twelve women were abused and assaulted this way before he was caught and, in the end, he served a reduced sentence.

I don’t believe these creatures can be rehabilitated by prison or psychiatry. I believe they are generally psychopathic like I am, with different urges. As such they will lie and change their very beings into whatever a person wants them to be. So genuine remorse, a genuine want to “get better” is just telling a psychiatrist what they want to hear. This is so release is recommended in a system already overcrowded and underfunded. No one cares enough to do what needs to be done and just put these animals down.

So, I do. I use what I have been given, and I try to make this part of the world a little safer for women and children. People don’t deserve to be hurt or to be frightened. I’ve lost the ability mainly to feel those things so seeing how badly hurt my angel was by someone really forced me to look at the world we are living in and see what I could do to help while taking control of my own urges.

It’s a win-win situation.

It’s duct tape and cable ties I have him strapped to the chair with. The duct tape is there to make his skin sore, and I’ll have fun removing that along with all the hair on his wrists. He’s quite hairy. The cable ties are fun because they are so difficult to get out of, not impossible so it gives the illusion of escape being possible.

I’m going to torture the ever living fuck out of him when he wakes up.

Just as I’m looking at my large selection of tools which I’ve carefully laid down on top of my table. It’s been protected by a good few layers of heavy, decorating plastic wrap, my phone pings. I have it on silent except for one contact so straight away I know it’s Sundrop interrupting me.

Luna: Guess what I’m doing?

She’s fucking adorable and yet it could be anything from bedazzling her tits to ending world hunger. Through my thick leather gloves, I manage to reply to her.

Me: Bought yourself a new vibrator?

I throw in a winking and devil emoji for her. The reply came almost immediately, and I wished it was her coming on my cock, but I’ll have to do with talking instead.

Luna: I have plenty of vibrators actually! No, I got a new book

And now I’m in trouble of being swept away by her because I want to know what book it is and ask her to tell me all about it. She must have some friends, but I seem to be the person she talks to in any detail about things. Normally she’s quite quiet and yet, she chooses to share these things with me. I want to encourage her.

Also, when she tells me about a book she’s really enjoyed, without telling her, I go off and buy it and read it too. It makes me feel closer to her.

I keep them here, in this other flat that holds the secret part of my other life. The real parts of me that I’m unable to share with her or anyone else. This is where I keep my trophies of both my kills, and my affections for Luna.

I wish I could tell her, but I wouldn’t know where to start. “Oh, by the way I’ve been reading your favourite books these past 10-15 years and I feel like I understand you deeply inside and out and also I want you to sit on my face.”

I’m fucked.

Me: Tell me about it then

I send back and hope she does. I won’t be able to text her much, not without being in danger of getting this fuckers DNA all over my phone. The last thing I need is her sending me pics and giving me a hard-on when I’m trying to cut up his body.

Now, that would be awkward.

And wouldn’t be the first time.