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Sundrop: November 2021

As I sit down at this small circular table in this nice little cafe, I feel like this is the beginning of something new and special.

The guy’s cute, he’s a little on the nerdy side. I’ve already got the feeling I’m nerdier than him. He seems like a casual fan of things when I’m obsessive the first time we’ve met and spent any time together and I’m already far too comfortable with this man.

His hair is dark whereas Cole is such a light blonde. This man’s eyes are storm grey whereas Cole’s are a beautiful bright blue. He’s smaller in real life than I realised, around my own height which was a bit disappointing at first sight. I’m not going to judge him for it, I’ve dated taller men and they’ve been assholes. Maybe he's different? Cole’s so much taller. Cole has tattoos which I like and dresses the way I like a guy to dress. That is something these two have in common. Whereas Nicholas is in darker colours, Cole is always in lighter, brighter colours.

We used to joke about trading converse trainers, he wore reds or blues, and I wore pinks and purples. His feet are so much bigger than mine obviously, but it was still funny.

Nicholas, how did I end up with another Nicholas when I normally avoid anyone with that name because that is of course Cole’s actual first name. I hope his friends don’t nickname him that too.

My attention keeps swinging back and forth and I struggle to concentrate on what this guy is saying, so I miss the passive aggressiveness to his comments and questions. I smile and nod, hoping he doesn’t realise I’m thinking about someone else.

Cole. Cole. Cole.

What an asshole I am.