Page 42

Cole: January 2025

Back in my actual flat, I begin to run the bath for her like I have imagined doing so many times. I was never secure in my masculinity until she gave me all these little reassurances. It was wild how much I had hated and dreaded about myself until she confirmed that, these little pleasures in life were luxuries and for everyone, not just women. How my friends had made fun of me and to begin with, I had hidden these little things like enjoying taking a bubble bath. That bathing with pretty coloured water was something to feel shameful over.

Sundrop made me see that it wasn’t shameful, or girlie or gay as my generation had turned everything negative into something emasculating when really, I was emasculating myself by allowing myself to miss out on so much life had to offer.

As Sundrop was my only real true object of desire, I never cared to label myself or make any strong assumptions about my own desires or sexuality. Truthfully, I was attracted to everyone and no one all at the same time. I’d rarely acted on any of those sexual desires over the years except for my routine relationships I created. Manufacturing connections with desirable enough women for roughly six - twelve months. Allowing those relationships to naturally run their course and fizzle out, making sure to end on good terms, never abusive or neglectful, just a general lack of compatibility. I was able to shapeshift enough to change myself so that I wasn’t seen as a bad long-term option, just not the best. On these occasions, I was happy to sit on the line of mediocrity. Just an average man and nothing more.

Even a psychopath like me believed I should be devoid of everything and yet, these little pleasures that I had kept on even when I hadn’t been dating Sundrop, was making my dark, empty little void of a life much better and worth living. It drove the apathy away a little and now, having my little ball of sunlight here in my home, with me, was burning away at me further.

I could feel the darkness retreating, a little in fear at her presence. I was excited, I was happy to be able to do these things with her.

The water was hot, and I ran the cold tap a little, keeping a check on it with my hand because I did not want to redden that skin of hers with a temperature that might be too hot for her. I didn’t want anything that would reduce this experience to anything negative. I was overthinking and needing it to be perfect.

The bath bomb was blue, my favourite colour and I hoped she’d like it. There was a sweet mixture of smells; citrus, blackcurrant and something mint? I wasn’t sure.

I got in first and called her through. She appeared, peeking her head around the slightly opened door and smiled at me. I turned around to watch her, fully naked but covered by the water. I could see her try and get a look but knowing she wouldn’t be able to see much. I was waiting for her to feel everything I had to offer.

“What are you looking at?” I managed, trying not to squeak the words out and instead be confident, struggling to do even that. I was nervous.

“You…” She has a confidence that can’t be replicated, pure predator. Staring at me, eyes fixed on her prey. I wasn’t scared of her then as many people were and rightly so. I knew she wouldn’t hurt me, not now or ever. Coming fully into the bathroom, she kept her eyes fixed on me. I could feel the lust and desire radiating from her. This wasn’t about sex though, not today, we had spoken and agreed, this was physical intimacy.

This was me being vulnerable with her for the first true time since we had known each other. This was me letting her into my world and taking things slowly both for my benefit and for hers.

Something I had realised and puzzled over about Sundrop long ago was that she had no sense of danger when it came to men. She admitted to having sex on first dates because she believed that was expected of her. My heart had sunk, and my rage had grown when she sent that message. Explaining how odd she felt me not trying to push her into bed was. She had been bewildered and disappointed in me, wondering if I wasn’t attracted to her that I didn’t ask her to come home with me that first date. It had taken everything in me not to get angry at those she had dated. How much she had been taken advantage of and didn’t seem to know the full extent.

I wanted to kill every single man who had harmed her.

That was another reason I had to stay away from her all those years, because my self-control wasn’t that good. I wanted to hurt them slowly. Part of what made me successful at what I did, was remaining anonymous and not getting personally involved. When there is a personal link, that’s when authorities can narrow down suspects and see patterns to predict future crimes. That is how you get caught.

No, I would not be having sex with her today, but we would share this bath together. She had told me before about how much she wanted a soft, safe domestic life with me. I was determined to give her exactly that.

“Are you coming in?” I could hear the wobble in my voice, she was just standing there watching me. I was a little frightened that even now, she might reject me. Funny that for all the reassurance she needed, I needed some too.

I looked forward and watched the steam dance around in front of me and heard her t-shirt being taken off and dropped to the floor. The soft noise was followed by the slightly heavier sound of her jeans being taken off too. The smile that lit up my face hit my eyes, I knew it and I welcomed it. I welcomed her, patiently, trying to wait for her. Not looking as her underwear fell to the floor of my bathroom, and she got in the tub in front of me.

She’s naked in my home.

I saw her legs first and as she lowered down, facing me, she looked worried, a little unsure as she squatted between my legs. Never, have I seen anyone as beautiful as her. “You’re beautiful.”

The words made her smile, and she reacted exactly as I expected her to, “Obviously.” The eye roll that followed was perfect and I put my arms around her, bringing her closer.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever actually had a bath with another person before, and the logistics and practicality were lost on me until now. She lost her balance a little, almost falling against my chest. Both of us laughing, me trying to support her, water splashing everywhere.

Sundrop moved herself a little and turned, putting her back to my chest and I opened my legs, moving so she could sit herself more comfortably in front of me. She did exactly that, wiggling her gorgeous arse closer to me.

Sighing, she leaned back against me, snuggling up as close as she could, and I put my arms around her. I wasn’t going to get angry at myself or her for any of this. Or how long it had taken us both to get here because we were here now. I was determined to make the most of every second she gave me. I was, however, never letting her go. I’d never let her leave, not now.

She was mine; I was hers and that was that.

My arms were around her chest. Her beautiful tits pressed against my forearms as I moved a hand to her chest and paused, “it’s ok.” I felt her move her bum back closer towards me, pressing my hard cock up against her back. Gods fucking damn, she was so beautiful.

Those tits, I had seen them so much these last couple of years, thought about all the ways I wanted to touch and play with them. I had told her many of the things I wanted to do and now, I was getting to touch her. She wanted me to, she wanted me. I was the luckiest man alive.

I put a hand on her breast and was rewarded with another soft sigh from her. I felt her chest move, her breast moving closer to the inside of my palm. I enjoyed the way her nipple peaked and pressed against my skin. This was heaven.

My cock was rock solid and pressed against her back. She had lazily laid her hand against my thigh and was just gently running her fingers across my skin. It was such a small movement, and yet I loved it, loved it like I already loved her. Had loved her for years. This was the best decision I had ever made, and I was glad that despite how difficult it was talking to her, telling her the truth. I had told her all of it and now it had all worked out for the best and we are better for it.

Would be both better for it in the long run.

I hugged her, pressing my face into the top of her head and sniffed her hair, taking in her scent and feeling unbelievably happy for the first time in my life. “How is the water, is it warm enough for you?” I asked, needing to make sure it was perfect for her. I would have bathed in the very flames of hell if she had asked me to.

I felt her snuggle in against me again, she seemed to want to be as close to me as possible. “Mmmm yes,” she said sleepily, a soft haze to her voice that sounded quite blissful. She seemed happy to be here with me.

I kept one hand on her breast and the other I let wander, carefully against her skin. Her arm, her stomach but being careful to always be respectful. Yes, we were naked in a bath together, but I did tell her we were taking it slowly. I wanted to give her that safe space she had spoken to me about before.

It was important to her; it would become the most important to me.

If she wanted me, I would give her every hard inch of my cock every which way but not before I would get to know her body and allow her to get to know mine. I had plans of what I wanted to do with her that involved my fingers and tongue before she ever had my cock.

I was surprised she hadn’t asked me to fuck her. She seemed to like the fact I wanted to take my time with her.

I guess with being a psychopath, I was emotionally immature like she had suggested but so was she. Perhaps she had been able to see those things so clearly in me, because it reflected herself all along. She was highly emotionally intelligent, as I was but we both lacked the ability to put into practice what we knew. Hopefully we can find some way to help each other.

Lying with her leaning into me like this was making my body want certain things but no, slowly, it will be good to take our time. So, I sit up carefully, taking her with me and touching her hair. Her soft, shining chocolate brown hair was still a little wet from the earlier shower to remove any traces of blood. I do, however, want to wash her hair for her. It might already be clean but something about this moment makes me want to take my fingers to her scalp and massage, maybe help destress her. Although, she is rather pliant in my hands already. I like that, her being able to relax around me. I want to be worthy of her trust.

Kissing the top of her head, I take the jug that sits off the side of the bath and lean in front of her a little. “I can get that,” she offers and takes the jug from my hand. Placing it fully into the water between her legs, she lets it fill up most of the way before passing it back to me. I smile at her, “You’re very helpful when you want to be.” I feel her laugh, the movement in her shoulders, “I wanted to see what you were up to.” I place my lips back against her hair and kiss her again. I don’t ever want to stop kissing her. “Well, you won’t be able to see, but I can tell you that I am going to wash your hair.”

It’s a simple, “Oh” I get in response and use the jug to wet her hair. Taking my shampoo bottle, I squeeze out some into my palm. Realising she probably needs more than I use and taking out some more. I spread the white creamy mess around in my hand. My immaturity shows as I giggle and think about her being covered in all my creamy mess. With my sudden giggling, she asks, “what’s so funny?” So, I put my hand out in front of her, laughing loudly now. She sees the splodge of shampoo in my palm and starts laughing too.

She's just like me; how did I get so lucky?

I wash her hair, taking my time as if we have nothing but time as we get to know one another anew. Her scent, her naked body, her vulnerability and trust in me, I try to match her, being as brave as she is. I massage my fingers into her scalp. Unfortunately for my already painfully hard dick, she moans loudly at the contact. My stomach contracts as I try to keep myself from thrusting out towards her. Closing that gap all the way and sealing our bodies together as they always should have been.

Fuck.

I meant this to be intimate, a nice gesture of love and yet, that noise that came out of her almost made me come against her back.

Now, that would have been embarrassing.

Luna seems completely unaware of the effect she is having on me. I wash her hair more, rubbing and massaging her scalp. I try to keep myself from combusting as she moans and whimpers as my fingers move against her skin. I push the jug back out in front of her, gesturing as softly as I can but I am struggling right now. She understands and fills it up for me and as slowly and carefully as I can, I use the water to take off the shampoo from her hair. Trying to not waterboard her in the process. I am new to this after all.

“I can do your hair if you want.” She turns around a little so she can face me as she talks, “it’s nice of you to offer but I don’t think I’d survive you touching me like that.” I mean to say it evenly but there is an edge to my voice that she picks up and then looks down between our bodies. With the water and her bum in the way, she's not able to get a good look but I know she felt me against her.

I can’t tell if she’s unsure, or feeling rejected so I add, “It’s not a no, it's not tonight. This is about you, not me” She looks away a little, I know she has a lot of trauma around sex, and I want to be a good man for her. I can be, I will be. I will not be selfish and put any needs I have before her comfort. “It’s just…” she trails off, and funnily enough, I do know what she is thinking, “I know,” I take my hand to her chin and make her look at me, she’s turned at a bad angle, but it’s only for a moment. “You don’t have to tell me anything, but if you do want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” I kiss her forehead, and she turns back around, snuggling into my chest again. I wrap my arms around her tightly, unbelievably happy to have those perfect two tits pressed against my arms.

“What did you once say,” I say, "we have all the time in the world to explore each other's bodies, learn what we each like.” She nods, I continue, “there’s no rush, I want to love you fully.” I want to close my eyes and just be here with her, but it must be getting late, and I do have work in the morning. Does she? I can’t remember her schedule, “Are you working in the morning?” Yawning, she responds, “Me? No. Not tomorrow. What about you?” I nod, then remember she can’t see me, “Yes, as always, I always seem to be working and in work.” I sigh, stifling a yawn myself, “Sundrop, baby, we need to go to bed I’m afraid.”

I can see her head nodding slowly as exhaustion from this evening's events have struck us both. “I don’t even know what time it is but I’m glad that I’m here with you.” Endeared, my heart warming, I say softly, “I’m glad you’re here too, Luna.” She grips my arms and says back, “I wouldn’t want it any other way Cole”

Standing at the door, looking into my bedroom and seeing Luna laying in my bed for the first time was a sight I wanted to hold onto forever. She was here; she was finally in my bed. I just knew this was where she was supposed to be. How was I ever going to allow her to go back to her own house? I didn’t want her too, now that she was here, I never wanted her to leave.

I felt that rising panic and shut my eyes. She noticed, “Cole, come to bed.” I nodded, opened my eyes and walked towards her. Sundrop always smelled amazing and from the side of the bed I could still smell the lingering scent of the bath bomb on her skin. She was fresh and clean, and I almost felt bad that I didn't know somehow that she’d end up here tonight and put fresh sheets on my bed. They weren’t dirty, I did regularly change them. Especially after one time she got on to me about not changing them regularly enough.

I did listen to her; I just rarely told her about the ways I put her suggestions into action in my day-to-day life. Now she would know. She would know everything and that didn’t scare me the way it once did.

I could smell my shampoo on her too, the scent of the body wash and soap we both had used. It was nice having my scent mark her like that. She looked up at me expectantly and I smiled down at her. Pulling back the duvet, I slid into the bed beside her and wrapped the cover back up around myself as I lay on my side, facing her.

“Hi,” she said softly. “Hi,” I said a little louder. She’s gorgeous and I say the words out loud, and the smile is worth me telling her that a million times a day. She smiled. I think I’m smiling too, I can’t help it, it’s infectious. “I’m sleepy,” she announces accompanied by a yawn. She uses the back of her hand to stifle the sound, but I take the hand and give it a kiss instead. Sundrop looks at me, eyelids heavy and makes a happy “Mmmm” noise before she opens her arms up to me, exposing her chest while she’s wearing an old t-shirt of mine. It’s dark blue and looks cute on her. I can see the outline of her amazing tits clearly.

“What do you want?” I ask, knowing she wants a cuddle. I remember back when she awkwardly told me how much she likes cuddles, thinking it was a bad thing. How she had prepared me for that one and making a big deal out of it. How badly had she been treated previously that she felt telling someone she was dating that she liked cuddles and had been prepared for a fight about it.

I hated them all.

Her eyes were closing, and I was amazed that she had only hours ago found me with a dead body, helped me clean up and dispose of a corpse and now was happy to fall asleep next to me. She was amazing. So much more and better than I could have ever hoped for. I was an idiot for not taking her seriously previously.

“Cuddles,” She whispered. I smiled again, a real smile as I moved towards her, and she rolled onto her back. Frowning a little, “you need to come closer to me then” I say, waiting for her to come cuddle into me. She shakes her head and opens her arms up again, this time remaining flat on her back. I’m a little confused, “you want me on top of you?” The nod is slight in her relaxed state, but I caught it and was a little unsure of this. All I could think of in that position was fucking her and this was not the time. She'd be able again to feel the thick steel of my cock as it would be pressed up against her like that, “Won’t I be too heavy on you?” She shook her head this time, waving her arms a little, reminding me of a child, she was impatient at not getting her way.

I moved, humouring her and thinking, it’s not so bad, I can lay on her a bit, let her cuddle me and when she’s asleep I’ll roll her over to me. I hadn’t shared a bed with anyone in such a long time. She had once asked about sharing a bed, asking if I liked being cuddled up or having my own space while sleeping and I told her I liked my space because the thought of cuddling with someone ALL night? That sounded like hell to me. I was about to find out how it would feel sleeping next to her, if I could sleep at all. I was exhausted but also exhilarated. So much had happened. My head would no doubt want to go over every moment in scrutinising detail to make sure I hadn’t missed something somewhere.

She had helped me dispose of a body; I had nothing to fear from her. But had I missed something with my routine being interrupted?

I lay on top of an almost asleep Sundrop and nuzzled my face into the space between her neck and shoulder. She smelled so good, I closed my eyes, settling my body against hers and just felt right. Safe, protected, happy. This was happiness. That was my last thought as I felt her arms tighten around me, holding me close.

I awoke at some point in the night, the room was pitch black still and I listened for the soft noise of my angel sleeping soundly underneath me. Releasing she was still trapped underneath me, I moved myself gently, off to the side. Before I had a chance to move her over to me, to cuddle her in, she reached out a hand towards me, grabbing my arm. My heart broke a little then. She didn’t want to be alone. Even in sleep, and she was still sound, she worried at the loss of me. I held her hand, got myself comfortable and pulled her over as gently as I could before settling her in bed against me.

Immediately she curled into me and held me. My arms found their way around her and held her tightly in place. In my arms just felt right, she was exactly where she was supposed to be, with me, in my bed.

The peace I already felt by having her next to me. A weight was already lifted from the pressure of being so alone for so long.

My whole life I had been alone, no matter how many people I had surrounded myself with. “Cole,” the sound was soft as it escaped her lips. I thought she was waking up but upon inspection I realised that she was just confirming I was in fact, still there. “I’m here, Angel.”

I kissed her forehead and closed my own eyes again. It was still dark and hopefully I could get a little more sleep before I had to get up. Normally when I woke no matter the time, I’d never get back to sleep. I felt myself get tugged down into the depths of weariness and peacefulness. ?