Page 44

Cole: January 2025

When I walk into the flat the first thing I see is my gorgeous angel of a beauty sitting on the couch, wrapped up in one of my jumpers she's found in my closet. She has one of my novels, one of her favourites that I had bought and stored in the second flat. She's obviously helped herself to it and has been snooping. I love that about her.

I put the basket down on the side table at the door along with my car and house keys. “This is my favourite book, well, one of them,” she says, not looking up, continuing to read something she’s read at least ten times already. “Yes, you told me it was your new favourite,” I say. Luna is still not looking up from the book

“I remember that conversation,” she replies. I think it’s safe to say that she is a lot more intelligent, perceptive and aware than anyone ever gives her credit for. “You annotated it,” she states, not really a question. Yes, I have. I highlighted my favourite parts deliberately as if my intention always was to share this with her, a gift of sorts. I also marked some parts I knew would be her favourite scenes.

In fact, reading the book it was easy to see why she liked it. High fantasy, not my genre. I prefer mysteries. This is about a tough but feminine female main character who is good with different weapons. She’s a girly girl but also not someone to cross in a dark alley, just like my Sundrop.

This time she stops reading, uses a piece of paper as a bookmark and sets the book down. Now I have her full attention. “You’ve been doing all these things for me, behind my back, probably this whole time?” Now, that is a question and one I didn’t want to answer so quickly. I stand where I am, trying to give her space to talk. “Do you listen to my favourite music while telling me it sucks? Do you read the books I love, and don’t bother to tell me?” Again, it sounds like a question but it’s not. She’s right, we both know it.

“These are acts of love, have you been in love with me this whole time and avoided me? Why?” This I know I must answer despite the uncomfortable way it makes me feel. “Why do you think I did it?” Avoiding, deflecting, even now.

I didn't deny being in love with her though, I'm going to tell her. This is the moment. This is where everything has been building up to. All these years, all these mishaps and mistakes.

She takes that and keeps a hold of it a moment, nodding. She knows, it’s the same reason that even as open and vulnerable as she had been with me, she was only so far. A lot less honest with me than she had suggested. Yet always acted morally superior to me as a result.

“We both had secret lives that needed to be protected, but now” I say as I move towards her, “Now, we can protect each other.” I move closer, this time sitting down next to her and taking her hand, “I love you, Luna.”

I have never said those words to another adult. Never in a relationship, never in dating, never to a friend, not even during sex. There is no one who has heard me utter those words. I could have used them a million times over to manipulate people, it’s an easy way to do it. I have nothing but sincerity as I say them now.

There is a moment of panic in her eyes, it’s not because she doesn’t believe me. It’s because she’s never had someone say those words to her and mean them. For her, it always had been manipulation leading her to believe she was unlovable, just a monster.

She is not unlovable. Sure, there are some less than desirable parts to her but she's not unlovable. She's adorable, caring, fierce and beautiful; wild in a way that can't be tamed or even dimmed. Somehow, she glows brighter in the darkness. I feel her finger brush against my hand where I am holding it and see her easing into the touch, smiling at the feel of it.

“I love you too.” The words are soft, and I know how difficult they were for her to say out loud.

I raise her hand to my mouth and gently kiss the back of it; “I will protect you with my life, you have my word.” I mean it too, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect what we have between us.

She smiles. Then I remember this morning, “Oh, just wait until I tell you about my sleep last night!” A frown crosses her features as she asks, “Could you not sleep?” There is concern there for me. How sweet of her. “No, I fucking slept in! I was late for work!” The shock on her face as she realises “I remember telling you a long time ago you’d probably sleep better next to me” I laugh now, also thinking about that conversation where I had dismissed her. As usual. “I think it was specifically you holding me that did the trick.”

I kissed her then, not wanting to wait another moment. She laughs, not expecting the kiss, mid trying to answer me. I can't wait to find out all the ways I can make her laugh and smile like that. She squeals as I pull her onto my lap and kiss her harder enjoying the plush, wet feel of her lips against mine.

With her eyes closed, she whispers, “Mmmm I like the suit on you.” I smirk, “I should put you on your knees, so you can admire it closer.” I state firmly. Watching her as her eyes shoot open and she stares at me. I laugh as I watch her lip's part, her mouth opens a little in shock. We’ve messaged each other like this millions of times but she’s never heard me speak like this to her.

Before she gets a chance to reply, I speak seriously about sex between us. “I love you,” I kiss her nose gently and continue, “I love you and I want you to feel safe enough with me that we can fuck and do whatever you want,” She cuts me off at that. “Whatever I want?” She raises her eyebrow, this time a lot less scandalised and instead I realise I may have made a serious error in judgment.

“Maybe we need to work on you making me feel safe too!” I laugh but am also a little concerned, her kinks and bizarre sexual interests could get… weird even for me. It’s a full-on laugh that comes out of her now, sitting on my knee, straddling me. She holds me and giggles so much that I’m glad I could do this for her.

“I understand the difference between consent and coercion, I'd never force you or bully you to do something you don’t want. It will only be what you enthusiastically consent to. I want you to passionately want me, nothing less.” She looks serious as she says it despite the sound of laughter still ringing in my ears. I like that she wants to protect me, even from herself.

“Oh, I can guarantee that.” I smile, kissing her nose a little, watching her eyes crinkle up as I do. She’s clearly not used to so much attention. “But, being serious for a moment, I don't want you doing anything to me yet.” This earns me a confused look on my angel’s face. “What do you mean?”

I do my best to explain to her, “Exactly like you just said, I don't want you feeling like you must do anything to me. We've spoken enough about these things and I'm happy for you to live out a lot of the fantasies we talked about, but you come first. Literally.” She shakes her head a little, “I don’t understand.”

“What I’d like to do is take my time with your body. I want you to get used to every touch, I want to work up to fucking you, making love to you. I want to shower every inch of your body in kisses, and touch and get you wet with simple things. Before my cock touches you or you touch my cock.”

“But I want to touch your cock” She pouts. “I know, but I also know how badly you've been treated, and I don't think you realise the full extent. Luna, I’ve been horrified by some of the things you've told me, so I want to make sure your body is relaxed and comfortable with me first.”

“So yes, I meant what I said earlier, I want to explore your pussy with my mouth and fingers and tongue. I want to be on my knees in front of you and worship you like I know you've always wanted.” She asks, "can I get a hug?” It's too much for her. I pull her into my chest and hold her. “You can have all the hugs and cuddles you want.”

I carry on, confessing to everything, “Would you like to know a secret?” “Yes,” she says in response. “I loved cuddling with you together in bed last night, I’ve never slept so well.” Her arms around me tightened, holding me firm.