Page 80 of As the Years Pass

His smile is blindingly beautiful, and this time, he leans down to kiss me, the reservations he had over what we’re doing gone.

He grinds against me as we make out like teenagers, voracious for one another, unable to get enough. I swear I could come just like this, but I don’t want to. I really don’t want to. It’s bad enough I was quick in California. Tonight, I want it to last.

“Don’t you want to come inside me?” I ask.

“Fuck yes, I do,” he pants.

Adam pushes off me and digs around in his end table. He comes back with a bottle of lube and a condom.

“You have condoms?” I ask with a smirk.

His cheeks flush. “I was… hopeful.”

“Oh, so they’re new?”

Adam shakes his head. “You know they are.”

“I just like giving you a hard time, baby.” I slide my hand along his hip, loving how soft his skin is. He feels exactly the same as I remember.

Adam crawls between my legs, and I bend my knees. He tilts his head to get a better view as he runs his finger down the crease of my leg, over my balls, then down my taint.

“I’ve missed this,” he whispers.

“I’ve missed you touching me.”

His eyes flick to me, and there’s an unasked question lingering there.

“Ask me,” I say, knowing what he wants to ask. When he says nothing, I repeat it. “Ask me, Adam. I know you want to.”

“How many?”

“None,” I say firmly and quickly, already knowing how I would answer. The truth is easy to give, when it’s the truth.

He looks devastated, but I know that isn’t quite what he’s feeling. It’s so much more than that.

“How?” he asks, his voice breaking.

“It’s always been you and only you.”

“Fuck, Emmet.” He takes a deep breath, looking away from me. I sit up and pull him onto my lap.

“It’s only ever been you, and I am not ashamed of that.”

“It’s not shame I’m worried about. It’s—”

“No, don’t do that. Don’t feel like you have to apologize for the life you’ve lived. I’ve accepted that we didn’t work out then, but we’re here now.Thisis all that matters.”

His eyes turn red, filling with tears. When he blinks, one slips from his cheek and I wipe it away, then lean in to kiss the side of his perfect mouth.

“Just be with me now, Adam. Stop worrying about the past. Please. It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re here now. This is what I want.”

He sighs, then turns to me with a small smile. “I think I can do that.”

I kiss him, gently at first, but it turns heated within seconds. His hands are on my chest, pushing me down, and then he’s lubing his fingers up and sliding them inside me.

“You’re so tight,” he says. “You feel so good.”

“Missed this,” I breathe out, reaching down to grasp my cock so I don’t come.