Page 106 of As the Years Pass

I still hope he comes to the realization that he’s better with me, that whatever fear he has goes away and letting me in will be worth it. He doesn’t have to push me away, and if he lets me in, I won’t hurt him.

We hardly got started, but the signs were there. Had I seen even the slightest hint that something would be different, that he was going to let me be part of his life, we wouldn’t be apart right now. But he was always so quick to shut me out.

Dominic’s text comes back into focus. I should go to the wedding. Dominic is one of the only people I have in life, one of the only kids who stuck around over the years. He’s the closest thing I have to a brother, and I shouldn’t upset him.

I’ll be there. Send me the info again.

It takes only a second to get a response.

Dominic

Like you want me to mail you another invitation???

Just text me the info!

He sends it through a moment later, and I book a room and a flight.

He and his fiancé are getting married in Hawaii. I’ve never been there before, so this should be fun. Would be better if I wasn’t going alone, but such is life. And as if the asshole can read my mind, another text comes through.

Dominic

Bring a date, would ya?

Why would I do that?

Dominic

It’ll make my fiancé happy.

Why does he care about me?

Dominic

Just bring a goddamn date, Emmet.

I sigh, nothing left to say. He won’t do anything if I don’t bring a date, and I doubt Mikah really cares if I do either. Dominic is just being his forceful and annoying self.

I’m not sure why I’ve never told him about me and Adam. I was never ashamed of us or who I am. While it was going on, Adam wanted to keep it quiet, and so I didn’t say a word. I would never betray his trust like that, even for Dominic. And after? I guess I was just too sad to talk about it.

Dominic has pushed over the years, about me dating and settling down, though I was sure he’d never do the same. He offered to fuck me now and then, which is ridiculous, but that’s just Dominic. And I always gave him the same answer—if I swung that way, I’d let him.

Funny thing.

Dominic is a good-looking guy, and I love him like a brother, so maybe that’s what stopped me from taking him up on his offer. Maybe if I had let him, I wouldn’t be so hung up on Adam still. Or maybe it isn’t about sexuality, it’s just about Adam. Maybe whatever I am isn’t about gender, it’s about the person—a very specific person with gorgeous blue eyes and brown hair.

Adam ismyperson, the only one I’ve ever wanted something with, and I can’t give up on him so easily. I just can’t. We have so much history and so much spark when we’re together.

It’s possible he’ll say no—hell, he might tell me to fuck off. But maybe… maybe he’d consider it. I could frame it like a vacation, keep it light. It’s not like he wouldn’t know anyone; he knows Dominic. That makes it less weird, right? At the start of all this, he asked me to go to California with him, and that was kind of random. Maybe this could be… not a redo, but a softer way back in. Like a first step. Or… our fifth. Who knows at this point.

I’m not ready to give up on Adam yet because I still believe he wants this, I just think he’s scared. And maybe I’ll spend the rest of my life chasing him, but at least he’ll still be in my life.

If he comes to the wedding with me, it doesn’t have to be anything more than us being friends. Just two friends going to a wedding… in Hawaii.

Chapter Forty-Four

Adam

The texts come at exactly the right time.