Page 64 of As the Years Pass

Even though part of me wants to change in front of him, I change in the bathroom. I can imagine how red his cheeks would be. He probably wouldn’t be able to get words out. It would be adorable.

I wash my face, brush my teeth, and toss my dirty clothes onto the floor by my bag. Adam’s gaze follows me as I walk around the bed, and I so badly want to give him a cocky smirk to show him that I know he’s checking me out.

I get into bed and under the covers, like him. There’s space between us, enough that the blankets rest against the mattress, feeling like a barrier, though just hardly.

“Is it okay if I turn off the lights?” Adam asks.

“Of course,” I say. “I should go to bed too.”

Adam flicks the switch by the bed and the lights turn off, and I click the button for the remote to shut off the TV.

“Good night, Adam,” I say.

“Night, Emmet.” It’s silent for a moment, then, “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

He shifts around on the bed, trying to get comfortable. I lie on my back, staring up at the ceiling that I can’t make out in the darkness.

How easy it would be to roll over and throw my arm around him, pull him toward me, and kiss his head.

How easy it would be to turn him onto his back and straddle his hips.

How easy it would be to kiss every inch of his body and remind him what he means to me.

How easy it would be to live out every fantasy I’ve had of him over the last decade of being without him.

How easy it would be…

But the more time we spend together, the more I realize we don’t want the same thing out of this. It’s obvious, and though it hurts, I should accept it sooner rather than later. It’s just really hard. I’m like a dog waiting for scraps, and being aware makes itfeelbetter. Like maybe it isn’t so bad because I know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

With that thought, I close my eyes and force myself to sleep. When I wake up, the bed is empty.

The bathroom door is closed when I get out of bed, and the shower starts up a moment later. I dig through my suitcase and pull out shorts, boxer briefs, and a button up. I drop everything on the bed, then shove my pants down and lean down to grab my briefs.

“Shit, fuck, sorry!”

I freeze before turning. Adam is already scrambling back into the bathroom, the door slamming shut.

I laugh and shove on my briefs, then my shorts, and finally my shirt. Then I sit on the bed and wait for him to come out of the bathroom. This is going to be so much fun. Him seeing me naked is going to freak him out more than me.

Adam has always been a quick shower kind of guy. He doesn’t fuck around in there. Does what he needs to do and gets out. So when five minutes turns into ten, then fifteen, I think my face is going to split in half from smiling so hard.

He’s afraid to come out, and that’s just hilarious. The shower eventually shuts off, but he still remains behind the closed door. Until finally it opens.

I grin, leaning back on my palms, making it very obvious that I’m looking at him.

“Please, don’t,” he groans.

“Don’t what?”

“Whatever you’re thinking. Don’t say it.”

I chuckle. “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“Liar.”

I get up, shoving my hands into my pockets.