Page 36 of As the Years Pass

It doesn’t.

I stare at her neck, looking for muscles to move as she pulls in air.

Nothing.

“Mom?” I say softly, not wanting to startle her. She doesn’t respond. Not even a twitch. “Mom?” I say again, this time louder and getting my father’s attention.

“Emily?” Dad says, getting to his feet and rushing over to her. I do the same, putting my hand on her shoulder.

She doesn’t respond.

She doesn’t fucking respond.

“Emily!” my father repeats, the panic in his voice loud and clear.

“Mom, wake up!” I shout, throwing the blankets off her. “Dad, she isn’t breathing. What do we do?”

“Emily, come on, honey,” Dad says, giving her a shake.

Her head falls to the side, lips parting.

Then he freezes.

Takes a step back.

His hand is on his chest, eyes wide.

“Do something!” I shout at him, the tears blurring my vision. “What are you doing?”

He shakes his head slowly, eyes stuck to her.

“I can’t.”

“You can! CPR, something. Help her!”

“It’s not what she wanted,” he says softly.

“Fuck what she wanted!”

He blinks, then looks at me, a sad smile on his face. “It’s not what she wanted, son.”

The sobs come then, as I fall to my knees, seeking out her hand and linking our fingers together. One last time.

Chapter Fourteen

Adam

Over a week goes by, and I don’t hear a word from Emmet.

I’m angry about it.

Furious.

Why did he give me his number, ask to hang out, text me every morning, only to ignore me now? I’ve texted him at least once a day, which maybe is a little crazy, but I’m worried about him. He hasn’t responded and this isn’t like him.

Though, maybe it’s because he’s on vacation. Maybe he’s with someone and doesn’t want that someone to know we talk? Weird, but possible. I guess I wouldn’t want my partner to speak to my ex either. Though, if I were in a comfortable enough relationship, it wouldn’t matter. If you trust someone, then it shouldn’t matter.

The worst part is that I’ve been sitting at home with nothing to do. I haven’t accepted a job, and I still only see my kids on the weekend, despite not working, which leaves me bored out of my mind for too many hours during the week. I think too much. I’ve cleaned too much. I’ve napped too much.