Page 76 of As the Years Pass

Thinking back, I can’t recall one instance of them making comments about that, but somewhere along the way I got the idea in my head that you could only ever be happy with ahusband, wife, and child. That’s what happiness looked like to me. It’s all I knew.

I was so ignorant. So fucking ignorant that it makes me sick when I think about it now. But I’ve learned to accept that part about myself. I learned, and I grew, and now I know better.

Only… do I? Because something is still stopping me from going full-force into this relationship with Emmet, and I don’t know what it is.

I know relationships are so much more than titles or gender or what’s normal. It’s about happiness and acceptance and support.

Emmet makes me happy. He accepts me, and he certainly supports me.

My laptop dings, letting me know I’ve received an email, so I open it.

It’s another employer responding to my application profile, complimenting my resume and hoping to set up an interview.

I’ve gone to so many and declined each and every one of them. Nothing feels right.

I’d been blaming my schedule with the kids, telling myself that was why I wouldn’t take a position. But I’ve known for a while now, and I’m still not moving forward.

My cell rings and when I see it’s Emmet, I answer it with a smile.

“What are you up to?” he asks.

“Trying to figure out what to do with my life.”

He laughs. “Still can’t figure out what to do for work?”

“Nope. I got two more interview requests today.”

“Have you thought of just doing it yourself?”

“That’s so much work.” I groan.

“Is it though?”

“There are classes I have to take. Another exam. Register a business. Rent a space.”

“Okay, so maybe it’s easier to work for someone, but you haven’t found anything yet. Doing it yourself may take more time now, but it’ll give you more freedom later. You can make your own hours, and you’d make more money, right?”

“Yeah,” I say, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I guess I could look into it.”

“That’s a start.”

“Were you calling because you missed me?” I ask hopefully.

“Of course.” I hear the smile in his voice and it makes me smile too. God, this man…

“Do I get to see you today?” It’s Tuesday, so normally we see each other but I try not to assume.

“I fucking hope so,” he says eagerly. “I can go by after I leave the bar?”

I snap my laptop shut. “That’s too long. I’ll head over.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

We get off the phone, and I change out of my sweats and put on jeans and boots, then take the short walk to the bar. It’s become a regular place to me now, and I can predict who will be in here on what day and at what time. I’ve met more of the regulars’ friends. Someone named Tobias who is a professional date, which sounds like a mess, if you ask me, but he swears it’s great.

Then you have the newbies, Johnny and Greyson, who are in an open relationship and I’m pretty sure they’re dating Benton, who is one of the regulars.

Then of course, there’s Nathanial, Mario, and Luca, who are here just about every day, anyway.