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I keep riding him until his movements get jerky and he flinches.
Only after I’ve allowed myself to enjoy him pulsing inside me as he unloads everything into the condom do I pull off and lie down beside him.
The sound of him catching his breath is heaven. I give him time to adjust before asking if he’s okay.
“Stef.”
I turn to face him on the pillow.
“That was…” he shakes his head and runs a hand over his face. “Wow… I have no words. You’re incredible.”
He lunges closer and catches my mouth with his. “Amazing.”
“Stop, you’ll give me a big head.”
“Good.”
I drop my eyes. It feels like I’m in some sort of dream or something. “You have to go to sleep now. You’ve got a big game tomorrow.”
“I know. I just need to make sure you’re okay. I didn’t hurt you?”
“No, you didn’t hurt me, but I’ll definitely feel it tomorrow.”
He frowns and rubs my hip.
“That’s good, don’t worry. I don’t have to play hockey or anything. It’ll just be a nice reminder when I’m sitting there playing my violin.”
He gets up to dispose of the condom and get me something to clean up with. The second I’m alone, the lie comes back, along with the realization of how much I need to tell him. How much harder it gets with each passing day that I don’t.
22
ALEXEI
We play Harvard at home. The crowds building as we get deeper into the season. Each point counting towards our shot at making the play-offs and going to the Frozen Four. It’s never happened in my time here, and this is my last chance. Maybe if I at least get us to the play-offs, I can show my dad we did it, and he’ll be okay about me moving on?
Even as I think it, I know it’s not gonna work. Getting to the play-offs is only gonna cement the idea of me playing in the NHL. But I can’t stand the thought of the double disappointment. Failing at college hockey and failing at professional hockey.
The team losing to Colgate in my absence puts the pressure on even more, and though I know getting a concussion wasn’t exactly my fault, I can’t help but shoulder the responsibility for the fact we’re here, fighting for our lives right now.
Last time we faced these guys, they kicked our asses, but that was back in November at the start of the season, and I wasn’t the captain then. I can’t let that happen again.
I block out everything except the puck as I skate into position for the opening face-off. Harvard’s star center takes it for thevisiting team and I promise myself I won’t get distracted by him the way I did last time.
Focus. No room for mistakes. No room for failure.
The puck drops and everything becomes crystal clear. All pain disappears. Even the roar of the crowd fades into the background like white noise.
We start off strong, with the team working well together to get on the board in the first six minutes. Pawlowski scores from a masterclass turnaround from Brown.
We go into the first break optimistic, and I try to push out what happened in the last game we were ahead in like this. How that all went to shit by the second period.
I remind the guys to stay focused. Not to get sloppy. To stay on Harvard and keep putting the pressure on, no matter what. I don’t want them to feel like the underdogs we are against this team, but I don’t want us to get cocky either.
We go back out there tight and ready for another goal, but it’s Harvard who gets on the board next. Not once, but twice.
My gut clenches at the thought of another big loss after we were the first to score. But I keep it together, rally the guys and keep the energy up, even as we go into the third period two goals to one down.
We still have time to pull this back.