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“This is real life, not a movie. If I tell Alexei I don’t want to talk to him anymore, he’ll just think I’m mad at him or I moved on. I already told him…” My stomach drops. “Oh god.”
“What?”
“I told Kelsier38 that something happened with a guy – I told Alexei that something happened with Alexei.”
Something changes in Alice’s expression and she jolts in her chair. “Something happened with Alexei?”
I blush furiously under her glare.
“I couldn’t tell you because it wasn’t just my business to tell, but we might have kinda… kissed.”
“When?”
“After he came to Queens and met my family?” I wince.
“Stef! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! We tell each other everything.”
“I couldn’t! I’m sorry. Don’t be mad.”
She sighs. “I’m not mad.” She looks up, giving me a little smile. “Are you sure he doesn’t know you’re horror boy?”
I shake my head. “I did briefly consider the possibility he was messing with me on purpose, but…” I think about him kissing me. How scared he looked after. Him crying on my hand and telling me he’s gay. “I really don’t think he knows. And I was very vague when I told him about what happened. We always said ‘no details.’”
“What a good idea.”
“Shut up.”
I swig the rest of my cold espresso and wait for her to say something.
“Stef, are you sure if you tell Alexei you’re horror boy, he’ll react badly?”
“What do you mean? How else could he react?”
She bites her lip, getting that look on her face when the romantic, mushy part’s coming up in a movie.
“Well, isn’t it possible that he’ll react the way Meg reacted?”
The way Meg reacted…
She puts a voice on, I guess it’s supposed to be Meg Ryan. “I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly!”
My heart pounds and I know I have a stupid smile on my face by the way Alice is looking at me right now. But reality in the form of his freak-out right after our kiss comes and smacks me across the face.
“No.” I shake my head. “He’s not ready.”
“What do you mean he’s not ready? For what?”
“For any of it. A relationship. Coming out. Me.”
Alice’s eyes have gone all sad and I hate that I had to ruin her happy ever after.
“I’m sorry, I guess this rom-com isn’t getting a happy ending.”
“Are you sure?” She asks.
“Yes. I’m sure. I think what Alexei needs right now is a friend. And I think you’re right about one thing at least. I have to stop talking to him online.”
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