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“That’s what I thought,” she said to my back, having caught my smile. I could hear in her tone that she’d done the math without my having to give her all the figures.
“Love ya, Barbara!” I called on my way out the door.
CHAPTER34
Corinne. Friday
My relationship with Elijah seemed to have a theme of meaningful, important, and at times passionate things happening on couches.
We had made plans to go out Friday night. But first, I had him sit down with me on the sofa in his living roomand said to him, “There’s something I need to tell you.”
I could tell he didn’t quite know what to think. But, he couldn’t possibly have been prepared for what I was about to say.
“Should I be worried?” Elijah asked.
“Not really,” I said. “I mean, I don’t think it’s something that really should make a difference in our relationship. And, I hope it won’t make a difference to you. But, it’s something that you should have known going in.” Inwardly, I winced at the way I’d put that. There should have been a better wording for it.
“Okay…” he said, concerned.
“The only reason I didn’t tell you,” I said, struggling with my words, “is that I thought itmightmake a difference. I was afraid it might make you think twice about being with me. But then, I just went ahead with things without telling you, and it really wasn’t fair.”
He took my hand and said, “Whatever it is, Corinne, you can just tell me. We can work it out. I’ll understand.”
I took a deep breath for courage. “You see, Elijah, before you…there really wasn’t anyone. Not like the way we’ve been.”
He blinked, uncomprehending. I really wasn’t doing a good job.
“What do you mean?” he wondered. “Therewassomeone else. There was another boyfriend back in Youngstown. You weren’t happy with how it was going, he wanted to keep things the way they were, and you broke it off and decided to move here and start fresh, right?”
“Yes, that’s true,” I said nervously. “But, that’s notallof it.”
“What more could there be?”
“My ex-boyfriend,” I said, “wanted to be the way you and I have been. And, I never let him. The truth is, until you… I never let anyone. Ever.”
Poor Elijah jerked back his head a bit. He was struggling as badly as I was. He was getting the implications of what I was saying, but I could tell that he couldn’t quite believe it.
“What do you mean, you never let anyone?” he reacted. “You can’t mean that before me, you never…” He trailed off, searching my eyes.
All I could do was nod and say, “Never.” Suddenly, I felt like the most inexperienced, naive person in the world. It was the most awkward feeling that I’d ever had in my life. I seriously wondered what Elijah would think of me now.
“But… But,” he stammered. “But all those times I did it to you — here, in my bed, on your…” Letting go of my hand, he stared off into space for a minute. “But how can that be? The way you were all those times with me, the way you responded to me… Corinne, you never hesitated to…you know, go down on me. And, you loved it; I could tell. And every time I was inside you…”
“It was because it was new and it was exciting — and because it wasyou,Elijah,” I said. “I felt things that I’d always felt, and wanted what I’d always wanted, but I’d always resisted before. With you, I just couldn’t resist. I wanted you too much.”
He brushed his hair with his fingers as if he could brush the disbelief out of his head. “My God, Corinne, I had no idea. Really, I absolutely couldn’t tell, that first time on your couch, that you’d never let a guy fuck you before. Oh my God.” He took the most sincere, profound demeanor and took my hand again. “Corinne,” he said, “you could have said something. You could have told me.”
“Would you have still wanted to?”
“Definitely! Absolutely! Hell yes! Corinne, I went over to your place that day not knowing what I was going to do about all the feelings I’d had building up inside me. I didn’t know what I’d do with them. And, there was the whole thing about being your boss, and wondering what you’d think if I asked you. And just like you said, I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t stop myself. It became an ‘all or nothing’ situation. And, it was the only time I was ever scared with a woman.
“Still, if I’d known you’d never had cock… It was hot and it was fantastic and beautiful, but I would have wanted to make your first time something more special than that. Oh, Corinne, it should have been more special.”
My heart was dancing, but my mind felt like crying. “Itwasspecial,” I told him. “It was special because it wasyou,because I was excited aboutyou.”
“The way you were that day,” he recalled, “it wasn’t awkward. I could never have known the difference. And, you’re saying that it really wasn’t awkward because it wasme?”
I nodded yes and touched his beautiful face. “It wasn’t the least bit awkward. It was like there was a part of me that was preparing for it all along. And, it was perfect. You made me feel so totally wanted. So it was my first time, but it felt completelyright.It was exciting and it was perfect.”