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I wasn’t sure what to say. I creased my lips and rolled my eyes in a very intimidated sort of reaction. “I…don’t know,” I hemmed and hawed a bit. “It might be arms and chest day for you, but for me, it would be Never Set Foot in a Gym in My Life day. I’m not what you’d call in good shape.”
Elijah actually looked me up and down — not in that pervy way that a guy gropes with his eyes, but more in that way that someone does when assessing and evaluating the material in front of him. Frankly, it gave me a funny feeling anyway, like the feeling when you hope someone approves of what he’s looking at.
Thoughtfully, he said, “I see nothing wrong with the shape you’re in. You’re not overweight — no fat, no flab. You’re still at that age where your metabolism is working for you, instead of against you. Ah, you’re fine. My invitation stands. Come and meet me at Ben’s after work. He’ll be glad to see you. Did he give you the address?”
“Yes, he gave me his card,” I said.
“So, come and join me. I’ll have Ben show you some low-impact things. Your first visit to Diamond’s is free, you know.”
“You’re a good salesman.” I grinned.
“Obviously.” He grinned back, referring to his billion-dollar assets, which were not even really the nicest assets he had. “So…are we on?”
“We’re on,” I said, my smile widening, already enjoying just the thought of visiting Diamond’s Gym with him.
“Great,” he said. “Well, I’ve got everything I need. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon if I don’t run into you at work.”
“Okay,” I said. “Bye.”
He nodded goodbye and headed off down the aisle. As I watched his back retreating, I could see that he had “everything he needed” — and then some. Elijah Bennett had not only everything he needed, but everything a girl needs. Not to mention some guys I knew.
When he disappeared towards the front of the store where the checkouts were, my thoughts turned in another direction, as well. Elijahdidhave everything a girl needed. In fact, Elijah happened to have not only everything that he needed, but also everything that I had still never had.
I know how backward and provincial it must sound to some people, but I’m a pastor’s daughter. My parents were what people would think of as being “enlightened” about some things in life. They weren’t bigots; they weren’t racists. They believed in education, and they believed a woman could become whatever she wanted to be. But, they still held to the old idea that the best place and time for sex is after you’re married.
They believed that marriage should be about love and not what body parts two people have, meaning they were okay with a man and a woman or two men or two women; it’s thelovethat counts. “It always comes back to love,” Daddy would always say, something he repeated when he spoke at Mom’s memorial service.
But still, Mom and Daddy honestly believed that the love of two bodies comes after you join two lives as a married couple. And, that is what they taught Leanna and me. They told us they understood that we’re living in today’s world with modern ideas, and one generation can’t necessarily be expected to live exactly the way their parents and grandparents did. “Young minds have young ideas,” as Daddy put it. But it was the way my parents had lived, and they’d gotten a beautiful family out of it. They didn’t demand we live our lives the same way they lived theirs. But, they pointed out that the sacrifice of early pleasure had paid off for them and suggested that it would pay off for us. And they maintained that no matter what we did, even if we didn’t wait and we got hurt, they would love us just the same.
Mom and Dad also pointed out that they were okay with birth control, with an implied “hint, hint” after it.
I took my parents’ heartfelt advice — “If you can’t be patient, at least be careful” — to heart and decided I would wait for sex at least until I knew it was absolutely right, if not for marriage.
And then, came Blake.Oh my God…Blake.
He was the guy that your parentswantyou to marry: clean-cut, good-looking, sharply dressed, and gainfully employed with a bright future. He was the local assistant head of Human Resources for a department store chain, a candidate for regional promotions, and possibly even promotion to the main corporate offices in time. Blake knew what he had going for him; he knew how to work his looks, his charm, and his prospects. My parents adored him almost as much as I did. And, with Blake…I’d actually considered it.
I didn’t go into the relationship blindly. I knew Blake had a past that was not chaste and celibate. He’d shared beds with a few women before he met me. He was an experienced guy. He had needs and expectations.
He made it very clear that he would rather not postpone it. And, I made it very clear that I wanted a future with him — awholefuture that was about more than just what we did in bed. As long as I could see us having a future, I’d said, there was no rush. That frustrated Blake a bit, but it was mostly out of respect for my parents that he chose to respect my feelings and accept my wishes.
Blake told me once, “I don’t want to break up over this because what we have is too good and you’re too beautiful and too special. If you really want to wait… I’ll tough it out and we’ll stay together.” And then, he added, “But, Addie, when you decide youareready, I’ll take you right to bed and show you what fucking is. And, I’ll make it so good, you’ll wish you hadn’t waited.”
I took that as something definitely to look forward to. Blake and I did everythingbuttake our clothes off over the course of our relationship. I wouldn’t say there weren’t some temptations and some close calls. A guy can do a lot, even fully dressed.
There were times when his hands on my bosom and my bottom, over my top and slacks, got me really excited. There were times when I’d feel something really big and hard in his khakis, which would get me even more excited. There were even times when he would go for his belt buckle to let loose what was so big and hard, and I’d feel myself come right to the brink…and I’d pull back and take a deep breath. The effect would be like suddenly breaking a spell. I’d be afraid the magic would go away, but it didn’t. Blake would apologize, and we’d continue with his pants still up.
As long as Blake was willing to wait with me, I was fine. But when a girl sees a future and thinks she knows what that future is going to be, she wants it to happen.
After a while, I started talking about that final commitment that would take us where I knew Blake most wanted us to go. I wanted his ring on my finger. If I could just have that, I’d be ready to accepteverythinghe was offering me. So many times, I’d thought about having Blake’s dick inside me. So many times, I’d wanted to let him show me what it was all about, just as he’d promised. But first, I wanted the promise of his ring.
That, however, was a promise Blake was not prepared to make. And, that was what had brought our relationship to an end.
Every time I saw Blake after that, he’d try to convince me to give us another chance. But unlike all those times I’d backed out of sex, this time, the spell really was broken. The magic was gone. Knowing the future with him would never be what I wanted had taken all the enchantment away. Or, perhaps I’d just plain grown up a little.
It seemed as if Blake wanted to go “all the way” to bed, but not “all the way” into the rest of our lives the way that I saw them, but if he couldn’t have me, he didn’t want anyone else to have me, either. I couldn’t stay in limbo for him, and ultimately, I found I didn’t want to stay in Youngstown with him, either.
That was what brought me to Cincinnati, starting a new job and a new life — where I seemed to be starting to have the kind of thoughts about my excruciatingly hot new boss that I’d had about my ex-boyfriend.What in Heaven’s name was I going to do about that?