Page 100

“A fresh start—that's what I want. When you left Sunday morning, I was shattered. I thought things were going well between us. I thought we were reconnecting. You leaving tore me to pieces.”
“That's how I felt when you left for trip after trip.”
I nodded knowingly. “I realized that almost instantly. I felt awful for how I made you feel. And I'm truly sorry, Clara. I don't want to fight with you.”
“It just feels like it's a little too late. It feels like these apologies are just way past due.”
“I'm willing to pay them. I'm willing to show you my regret.”
She sighed, lifted her coffee, and took a long sip. After a moment, she set it back down and placed her hands on either side of her cup.
She met my gaze but didn't say anything.
She's still mad, I thought.I can tell by how she's looking at me. And I'm still angry at her, too. Just because I made mistakes in the past doesn't mean she can also leave me in the dust. Two wrongs don't make a right.
“I always wanted you to go with me, you know,” I added. “But you never wanted to leave the Midwest. What was I supposed to do?”
“You could have changed. You could have chosen me over your job.”
“But my career was taking off. I didn't want to leave that behind when it was just sprouting. It would have meant missing out on great opportunities.”
She shrugged. “There was an opportunity with me, right?”
“I mean, yes. You're right about that.”
“And you know I get nervous traveling. I don't know why you would even bring that up.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. It was a clear signal to me that she was getting defensive. I wanted to reach across the table and take her hands, but I knew she would push me away. Just like when I would run, she would push.
I sighed. “I really don't want to hurt you, Clara. I don't want to argue.”
“I don't want to argue either.”
“I'm sorry about my behavior in the airport. I was being rude.”
She nodded. “I'm sorry, too. I hadn't meant for that to happen. I'm just . . . I'm still mad.”
“I understand. I guess we sort of both hurt each other.”
“I guess that happens.”
I sipped my coffee again. It was the one thing keeping me grounded. As much as I wanted to sprint away from this conversation, I resisted. I didn't want to run anymore. I didn't want to hide. I wanted to face this issue and get it sorted before things fell apart all over again.
I wanted to ask her about switching positions at my job, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just couldn't pose the question to her. She didn't seem particularly receptive.
“I'm glad we were able to talk,” I whispered. “I feel like there's potential here.”
“I don't know, Levon. Is anything going to change?”
I hesitated.
Thingscouldchange. But working domestically instead of internationally meant I would still travel. If she reacted to me the way she reacted to Gabe, there was a chance that she would make the same decision and reject me.
I merged with the chair, sinking as low as I possibly could. “There could be a huge change soon. I was hoping to discuss that with you.”
“Would you still travel?”
My hesitation caused her to sink away from me. I felt it happen. I felt her energy shift and she sniffled while her jaw tightened.