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I buried my face in the fabric and breathed in, imagining I could smell her after all this time, her lotion or the soap she used to wash her hands before sitting down to work. Wishful thinking. I smelled only dust and my own shampoo. I pretended anyway and breathed in deeply. My chest hitched, my exhalation turning into a miserable little sob. “Mom. Oh, Mom. I wish you were here and could help me. I need to get out of this house and on my own two feet. I miss you. I miss you so much.”
No answer came, not that one should have. I felt nothing, no sudden warm breeze or fragmented presence to reassure me that Mom hung around to watch over me.
Loneliness yawned open in my chest, a dark cavern through which I wandered without even a speck of light.
A text alert from my phone stirred me from the darkness. I followed the buzzing, groping blindly until I managed to pull free. A temporary reprieve, but one which I desperately needed right then.
It was from Maggie, because it would never be from anyone else. No one else cared enough to want to talk to me.
“I think they’re onto you. I’m coming over.”
I started and swiped the tears from my face, on my dusty sleeve. Her message could mean only one thing.
When it rained, it poured, and I was being flooded.
I shoved the pictures back into the box and shoved it over with the cassette tapes. Dad might want them. If he didn’t, I’d set them up around the house, myself.
The knit blanket I kept, bringing it to the living room and draping it on the back of the couch. If I’d thought it was funny how small my baby clothes were, then the blanket was downright hilarious. How had I ever fit under something so small it now covered just half of one leg?
Too bad Mom never got to see me outgrow it.
I rubbed my eyes hard with my palms and went to the bathroom to wash my face with cold water. The skin under my eyes remained red, making it pretty clear I’d been crying. I dabbed on some concealer. I had no time to do anything else before hearing Maggie’s car pull into my driveway.
She let herself in even as I came down the hallway to meet her. “What was the point of installing this deadbolt for you if you aren’t going to use it?”
“You can chastise me later.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Are you okay?”
“Huh?”
Maggie peered at my face, though she didn’t seem to find anything particularly concerning; my hasty makeup job had done its job. “You sound a little congested.”
No amount of makeup could fix my teary voice. “Oh,” I said, forcing myself to laugh a little to cover up my sadness. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little under the weather.”
“Do you need some medicine?” Maggie settled down on my couch, peering up at me. “Or can I bring you over some tea? Soup?”
“You’re already here,” I reminded her.
“Very funny. It’d be nothing to drive home and grab you something hot.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. It’s just the sniffles.”
“Well, let me know if you change your mind,” she conceded.
I sat down in the ratty armchair my father used to occupy day in and day out. A faint odor of cigarette smoke leached out of the fabric, the cushioned seat, reminders of that time in my early teens when he took up cigarettes. “I will. Now, tell me what you mean. Who’s onto me? Brian? Carter?”
Maggie nodded vigorously. “Carter went back to Effervesce. You saw him while you were working, right?”
I recalled the $20 tip, already put towards bills, and felt a mixture of relief and guilt. “Yes.”
“Carter told Brian he recognized your laugh and thinks you might be who he’s looking for.”
I groaned, flopping back in my chair. “No! But he didn’t act suspicious, like he recognized me.”
“Maybe he wasn’t sure enough.” Maggie crossed her legs. “There’s only so many combinations of facial features. You could have been a relative or a random stranger who resembled his Cinderella. He’d want to avoid the embarrassment. And, I mean, you were really hot the night of the party and there was a lot of fog in the air. His gut feeling told him it was you, though he didn’t want to claim that until heknew.”
“This is awful.” I closed my eyes, trying to avoid looking at all the terrible options laid out in front of me. “Why did Brian tell you all this?”