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“Are you kidding me? He’s such an asshole.”
I sink down onto the edge of the bed. “He’s not. There’s just no chemistry between us. That’s not his fault. We were both signed up for this without our consent. Now he’s giving me a chance at something else before it’s too late.”
“But you’re amazing. How does he not know that?”
“I think he thinks I’m amazing. In certain ways. But you can’t make someone fall in love with you. Or even want to sleep with you. It’s just something that happens or doesn’t.”
She’s quiet for a few seconds. “I guess,” she finally admits. “But this is crazy. He’s sending you off ondates? Are you okay with this? Do you want to go on these dates?”
“I amwillingto go on the dates,” I hedge. “If nothing else, these men are interesting, and can be great contacts for Cara.”
“There it is. God, you're always thinking about Cara. I want to know if you are attracted to either of these men.”
“They’re both handsome.”
“Not the same thing. “
“I know. I’m not sure. When I’ve been around them before, I haven’t been thinking about that at all. I guess it’s good to find out if I am?”
“I guess.” She does not sound convinced. “This is all really weird.”
“I agree.” I hesitate, but I want to say the rest of this because I really want her reaction, and her advice. “I’m a virgin, Astrid.”
There is a long silence on my sister's end of the phone.
“Really?” she finally asks. She doesn’t sound judgmental. That’s the best thing about my sister. She definitely doesn’t judge. “I guess I’m not surprised by that. You haven’t been out with a lot of guys. And you’re very…”
I lift a brow. “Very what?”
“Proper.” She laughs. “A nicer word would probably be classy.”
I smile. “Uptight, you mean.”
“Concerned with rules and how things are supposed to be,” she counters.
“Well, that’s true.” I sigh. “I’ve only been kissed once.”
“Wow,” she says.
“Yeah.” I almost tell her it was Jonah, and it was just a month ago, then decide that maybe I am laying a lot on her at once. Besides, I’m not sure it matters.
“Are you attracted to Torin?”
“No,” I say easily. “But I decided a while ago that it didn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters!” I can picture her shocked face. “You’re planning tomarry him.”
“Marriage is about a lot more than physical attraction.”
“But that has to be a part of it. Otherwise, you should just be friends. Or co-workers, or whatever.”
“He needs a queen. I want to be queen.”
Astrid sighs, as if I’m just being stubborn. “But not wanting to sleep with him is going to make having babies with him kind of hard. Maybe not impossible, but definitely not pleasant.”
“There are ways.”
“Oh. Come on! Sure, being queen is a cool deal but no sex? For the rest of your life?”