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“Two friends were having one of their usual late-night talks, one was drunk, the other was…stupid and overreacted,” she says. Her cheeks are a little pink, but she meets my gaze directly.
Of course she does. This woman was born to be a queen. Or at least raised to be one. She’s not going to look away even when embarrassed.
“No,” I say softly. My grasp on her arm loosens slightly, but I find my thumb dragging back and forth over her inner elbow.
“You had a lot to drink. You were getting kisses for your birthday from a lot of women. We were joking and teasing. So we kissed.” She lifts a shoulder, obviously trying to make it seem like no big deal.
How I fucking wish it was no big deal.
“And then I took it too far. I went too far. Yes, I blame my inexperience, but I’m very sorry that I was too…” She stops and swallows. “Enthusiastic.”
Jesus. Christ.
I shouldn’t say what I’m tempted to. It won’t necessarily make things easier between us.
But I have to be honest with her.
And maybe, if I’m completely transparent, she’ll understand why I’ve been trying to put distance between us. Maybe she’ll fuckinghelpput some distance between us. Maybe she’ll go on these dates and actually be open to the idea of finding someone else. Maybe she’ll decide that she does not want to put up with mine or Torin’s bullshit anymore and will realize she doesn’t want to live within those palace walls with the two of us dumbasses.
“Your enthusiasm was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced,” I tell her.
Her eyes widen.
“You did not go too far. You did absolutely nothing wrong.”
She studies my eyes as if looking to see if I’m sincere. I let her look. Because fuck, if nothing else, she has to understand how I feel.
It should drive her away.
Maybe that’s the one hope here.
“What? You liked that?”
“It was so much more than like,” I tell her.
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
I blow out a breath and shake my head. “It would be so much better for both of us if, somehow, I was turned off by you and what happened that night, Duchess.
“It would be so much better if that had been disgusting, and I didn’t want to be close to you. But instead, I think about it every fucking day. And all night long. I not only want to repeat it, I want to keep going.”
I move closer. “I want to go so much further. You have no idea what you do to me. But it is such a bad idea. The only reason I pulled back was because otherwise I would’ve had your pajamas on the floor and your naked body up against that wall, and we would’ve crossed a line that I’m not sure we can come back from. At least from the kiss, I thought maybe I could reclaim my sanity. That I could walk out of that kitchen and sober up and get some distance and realize that it wasn’t what I had built up in my mind.”
I shake my head and my voice drops even lower. “But that’s not what happened. I want you. All the time. So much that I have had to try to avoid you, not even look at you, to keep from doing something really stupid.”
The pink from her cheeks has now spread down her gorgeous throat. She’s breathing fast. She’s staring at me. And she’s not saying a thing. She is also still not pulling away from me.
Finally, I drop my hand. “So that is why we should not share a shower.”
“You’re afraid of losing control around me?” she asks.
And the gorgeous thing looks absolutely fascinated by that.
God, getting close to her, making her trust me, telling her she can always be honest and open with me, is going to be my downfall.
She is going to be curious about everything and ask me these questions, not understanding the effect it has on me.
Unless I tell her.