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“Yes. You drive me crazy. I am constantly on the verge of doing somethingreallystupid. Just being here together alone is a really fucking bad idea. But I’m gonna try my damnedest to be a good guy, to be a good friend and employee to Torin, and a good friend to you. Iwantyou to have these experiences with dating other men. I am here to keep you safe, to guide you through this, and make sure that you take it seriously. For everyone’s sake.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to.”
“Please, Linnea.” I know I sound a little desperate. Probably because I am. “Please do this.”
Her eyes fill with hurt, and I feel it jab me in the heart. I actually brace my feet so that I don’t weaken.
“You’re really okay with seeing me with someone else?”
“I want you to be happy,” I insist, avoiding answering her question directly. “I want you and Torin both to be happy. I want you to have love and passion.”
“I want to be queen.”
I shake my head. “Everything you want about being queen is about making things better for your people.” I know her. I know that she hasn’t let herself imagine something else, but I do understand what it is about being queen that appeals to her.
She’s loving and generous and kind and sees the position of queen as a way to help.
It’s one of the reasons I’ve fallen for her.
“You want to have a say in how the palace serves and helps the people. But you already have that. You are already a princess to Cara in all the ways that matter. The king and Torin both respect and listen to you. They always will. The people love you and trust you. You will always be an ambassador for Cara. You will always be able to travel the world and represent the country and bring innovation and new ideas and improvements to the island. You don’t need to marry Torin for that. You can have it all—influence for Caraandlove.”
She’s studying my face and I know what she’s going to say before she even says it.
“You and I?—”
“No.” I cut her off. I can’t listen to her say out loud that she wants anything with me. “You know that can’t happen.”
“But—”
“Torin told you the list of men who are qualified to be with you is short. I’m not on it.”
“Jonah—”
“No,” I interrupt her again. “I know what my place is. I’ve chosen it. I want it. I am very good at what I do. I also get to influence and improve people’s lives by making sure Torin is the best king he can be. I have his ear too. I want to be by his side while he reigns. But I’ll never be a prince. I’ll never be a billionaire. I’ll never be a senator or a prime minister or any of the other things you could have.”
She hugs her arms over her stomach and swallows hard. Then she takes a breath.
“Will you be my friend?” she finally asks. “I’vehatedus not talking. Not spending time together. I want you as a friend. And a confidant.”
I want so fucking much more.I know this. I’ve acknowledged it. But the thoughts, and the way they tighten my chest, still sneak up on me. “Always,” I say sincerely. “That’s why we’re doing this. You’re going to find someone worthy of you. Better than Torin. Someone who can love you.”
She takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how to do this. I was serious when I said I know nothing about dating.”
“I will help you with that.”Even though it’s going to kill me.
That makes her look a little sad. Yep, definitely going to kill me.
“It won’t be easy for me, Duchess.” I definitely say that word differently than I say ‘Linnea’. “I don’t want you to think that. It will be hard for me to see you with someone else. If things were different, if we were different people, this would all be…very different.”
“In what way?” she asks.
We’ve come this far. We’ve been honest, we’ve laid out that there are feelings, but there’s nothing we can do about them. She knows the purpose of this trip, and where I stand. So I figure there’s no harm in saying, “I wouldn’t have pulled back the night in the kitchen. And the past month, instead of avoiding you, I would’ve had you in my bed every night.”
She sucks in a quick breath. She lifts her hand and plays with the necklace at her throat. Her gaze goes to my lips.
I work on standing perfectly still.
Finally she says, “I was right, you know.”